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STFUandKissMe

57 Berkeley, CA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Dec 11
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
$40,000–$50,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Okay), Hebrew (Okay), Portuguese (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Jane, you ignorant slut...
(Hey! Hey! Watch it! Don't you throw that ! I'm warning you!)

;)

Always looking for some reading, prefer nonfiction, especially well-written books for laypeople that give overviews of the latest advances/theories in a particular field of study or research, whether a science or archaeology/history, or...? (i.e. Chaos by Gleick, Blind Watchmaker by Dawkins). Doesn't have to be from 2014, anything in the past decade or so that is still relevant. Some notable reads: Guns Germs and Steel (excellent) and The Black Swan (some unique insights, but an awful narcissistic writer)]

STFUandKissMe, for you Quickmatchers.

I don't respond to women without posted photos.

Lots of words. Lots and lots. Don't feel obligated to read every last one. There will be no pop quiz. If you like my pix and have a sense we might like each other, drop me a line. I live in Berkeley CA, occasionally visit Crescent City CA and Oxford MS.

I've done the internet dating thing for a good while now. Truth is, the only way to see what chemistries exist in real life is to meet in real life. No matter how good we look to each other on paper, it has little bearing on how much we will enjoy each other's company, or our pheromonal attraction, or any of the myriad minutiae that make us value the presence of another enough to want them in our lives. I'm sensitive to and value qualities like grace in voice, grace in movement (you can be a klutz and still be graceful ;). You can only discover those things by actually being with a person.

That said...here's a few things I think are important in knowing who I am.

I'm an outsider (despite my normal appearance), and find I fit best with other outsiders (with relatively normal appearances). By outsider, I mean non-mainstream, people who see outside the dominant American paradigm. I am an outsider through my intellect and my creativity, but one can be an outsider by any means that gives the perspective of being an outside observer, such as being from another culture (either foreign, or a subculture of our own country). I once dated a gal who was fully half-Japanese and half-Caucasian, but looked all white. She grew up in the South and, because of her "normal" appearance, heard all kinds of despicable racist crap said in her presence, under the assumption she was a good ol' white girl, "one of their own kind." While we had differences in world view (polar opposites on religion), I believe her outsider experience gave us a common ground for mutual appreciation that was part of our attraction (she was also a warm sweetie, totally hot, and the most yummy kisser I've ever had the pleasure to brush lips with).

I'm an intellectual with a boundless curiosity. I love playing with ideas, learning something new, juxtaposing things in new ways, seeking patterns. I'm a holistic thinker (for one example, seeing that the mainstream American paradigm is only one small part of what actually exists, or is possible). I'm a logical thinker and a skeptic, which is also why I'm an atheist (there is no credible evidence that gods created humankind, but it is extremely credible that humankind created gods [and all the accompanying religious mumbo-jumbo baggage]).

I'm creative to my bones, both as an artist (background in theater, dance, and music) and in anything I do. I couldn't do a job for long if there was not some element of creativity possible.

Though intellectual, I am also very much in my body. I've been a professional dancer, have always been a competent athlete (currently in love with soccer), and am highly sensual and sexual.

I've come to learn that the concept of flow is the dominant theme of who I am and what I value. Flow is essentially "effortless experience," as when athletes talk about being "in the zone." It is when "all the lights turn red to green," when you talk for hours and it seems like minutes, creating improvisational music that feels like it's telling you what to play and you are just along for a fun ride, combining a series of passes to thread through a soccer defense, or sex where you seem to become one with the other, effortlessly. I seek experiences of flow, and I facilitate others having such experience. Flow is not just about art and sport, it's a practical everyday concept, such as waiting on a corner to let ten cars pass instead of making them all stop and idle, burning gas, so one (ignorant/selfish/arrogant Berkeley) pedestrian can stroll across the street. Or creating a website where the user can easily find what they want instead of grinding their teeth in frustration.

Flow is why I love soccer (especiallyFC Barcelona and their brilliant midfielder Xavi Hernandez), tap dance and music improv, capoeira, and parkour.

If the above appears rather dry, I should say I am also low-drama, warm, kind, outgoing, and have a sense of humor, from silly to subtle. I've never felt the need to say "liars need not apply" because I simply don't have such people in my life.

And I'm waaaaaay left politically (at least when speaking about my own country). I think our American economic system is inherently immoral. I have almost as little respect for most Democratic politicians as I do for Republican ones, and couldn't bring myself to vote for Obama, yet again the lesser evil of the Demoblican center-right candidates. Until we entirely change direction, the poor in this country will always be working their butts off for table scraps. That said, I do value the day-to-day kindnesses of average people, no matter their political or religious persuasions.

On the other hand, I can't stand P.C. bull. If you find my screename offensive, we're not meant to be. If you find it amusing, we're off to a good start. ;)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I spent the earlier part of my life doing "day gigs" to support my artistic pursuits, including a fair amount of geek jobs. In my 40s, I decided to get full-time work in the nonprofit sector (I avoid the corporate world as much as humanly possible). I spent two years at one org before moving on, and had been trying to break into nonprofit communications (unsuccessfully) before accepting my current position. I feel communications is where I have the most to offer (again, related to flow).

I currently manage/develop a for-profit green waste recycling facility, complete with sawmill. It's not my "life's work," but it's worthy of my efforts and has a lot to teach me. It's been informative for a desk jockey like me to have to work closely with the kind of down and dirty tasks necessary to maintain the urban infrastructure we all take for granted. It adds to that holistic vision I was talking about before.

I still work pro bono on the nonprofit side, for an arts/literacy organization that teaches at-risk kids in public elementary schools. I help with their donor and grant development. When I move on from my current position, I expect it will be back to the nonprofit side in development and communications.

It's been awhile since my last band, but I'm open to something new in the future.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
A lot. No point in false modesty. People who know me for my expertise in one area are sometimes startled to find out months later about my expertise in another. I'm fortunate to have a huge capacity to learn, which I enjoy, so I tend to get good at anything I try. I started soccer at 42 (after starting capoeira at 40). I've become a savvy decent player, no one would guess today that I only started playing 15 years ago. I often receive compliments from highly skilled players I admire, which makes me happy.

If the above sounds at all self-congratulatory, I truly enjoy and encourage the talents of others.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Warm eyes. Humor. Liveliness. My "masculine" baritone. That I'm tap dancing in the supermarket aisle. Some gals think I'm handsome; others, I'm sure I don't even blip on their radar. Sexy lips. I often get that I'm very easy to be with and talk to.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Generally speaking in art, I like complex simplicity, and asymmetric balance (ah, Fred Astaire, the master). I don't like things neat and predictable, but I also don't like artifice or complexity for its own sake. I have plenty of guilty musical pleasures, since I adore a well-constructed pop tune (even a sappy one). My music origins are American folk/pop/rock. My last band was all-original world beat upbeat dance music: soca, soukous, funk, salsa, samba, etc.

I appreciate sheer beauty of sound. The exquisite voice of Marcela Gandara singing Dame Tus Ojos (you can find her live duet with Jesus Adrian Romero on YouTube). I discovered it when a coworker programmed it as a ringtone on his cell. It's Mexican christian music; me- I hear a love song. If you were to ask me where I'd want to travel to most, I'd say it'd be to sit in a living room anywhere playing music intimately with someone of Marcela's caliber...that's the kind of journey I enjoy most.

I've always liked Guster, play a few of their tunes. This new track (Oct 2014) is much more layered and "atmospheric" than I usually listen to, but, yeah, liking it:
https://soundcloud.com/guster/long-night

One of the better pop songs of recent years, 1901 by the French-band-that-sings-in-English Phoenix (check out this performance on Letterman. I love their non-pretentious presentation; the energy is in the music itself, not the force-fed phony "deep" emotion slathered-on in buckets that is typical of most "artists."

This past year, been diggin' on Alison Krauss and her awesome musicians. And am a late discoverer of Ryan Adams / Whiskeytown. What a great sounding band. I have a few tunes with a similar alt country/rock vibe. His songs are remarkably easy to learn, a tribute to their musical integrity. Latest- just learned Firecracker this past week (Aug 2010).

For dancing, nothing beats old skool funk. Can't stand rap...I don't consider someone yelling at me music, yo, y'all.

One of the true great singers of our time: Zeca Pagodinho, the king of samba pagode. Simple, direct, effortless...just perfect.

I'm a dark chocolate (if it ain't chocolate, it's not dessert), coffee, red wine, dog, soft slow wet kiss person (not a vanilla, tea, white wine, cat, neat dry kiss person...nothing wrong with any of those- except the neat dry kisses....yiiich!! White wine is sorta ecch too.). Being single in Berkeley, I tend to eat out at little mom & pop ethnic places a lot. Current favorite: De Afghanan Kabob House in Berkeley, down near the international corner (NOTE 2014: sadly, closed. However, now open over in SF, you lucky city residents). If you love simply prepared grilled meat, it can't be beat (vegetarians also seem to be happy with the menu).

I've read a ton, but now tend to read nonfiction. Don't really feel the need to pick up a book often, usually find hours of interesting stuff on any topic on the internet. But here's a few influential and favorite books:

(If you liked The Davinci Code, we have *totally* incompatible senses of aesthetics. Man, I like good pulp (i.e. Men In Black), but that was a stinking turd, truly stunningly awful plodding writing, painful to read.)

Read in recent years:

Tipping Point, Blink, by Malcom Gladwell, both excellent

The Design of Everyday Things, by Donald A. Norman

Thought Dreams by Michael Albert. Great book on constructing a new progressive political theory, avoiding the pitfalls of Marxism, feminism, anarchism, and the various nationalisms.

Guns, Germs, and Steel, by Jared Diamond. Brilliant hypothesis on the development of dominant societies based on availability of domesticable species and favorable geography.

Old favorites:

The Cocktail Party, by T.S. Elliot

Alice in Wonderland books

The Clown, by Henrich Böll

Ridley Walker, by Russell Hoban

Shakespeare's Plays

The Pursuit of Loneliness, by Philip Slater

The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

Movies: I like good pulp (Men in Black), character-driven comedy (My Cousin Vinny), as well as more esoteric stuff (Breaking The Waves, Fitzcarraldo, Memento, Fight Club). I enjoy TV, including reality shows (The Apprentice...that anyone actually *wants* to work for the Donald is already the makings of comedy), Lie To Me, Glee, The Office, and reruns of shows I never watched when they aired (Scrubs, Everybody Loves Raymond, Bernie Mac).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Ah jeez, dunno...I really love down comforters (and the cool weather to accomodate them...hence my living in the Bay Area). Not much, really. I enjoy my body and my brain...if either were seriously impacted, I don't know if that's a quality of life I'd consider worth living.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Whatever problem/puzzle I'm trying to solve, or some creative project...whether at work, at play or changing the world. I think the obsessing phase of my life is over. I don't think life is all that complicated (complex, yes; complicated, no).
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At home. Or on a date. I'm much more of a doer than a consumer (i.e. I'd much rather play music than go out to hear music, play sports than watch sports, do you than listen to you...I keeeed, I keeed ;).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I had a mullet. For a good many years. Cut it myself. Badly. The good thing about it was I really didn't give a crap what people thought of how I looked. The bad thing about it was I really didn't give a crap what people thought of how I looked.

I wised up. I like grrls. I want they should like how I look.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
It's about sex, warmth, humor, intelligence. Beauty and sensuality attract me (wowza!); kindness and generosity make me warm up (aww...); humor, playful teasing and a lively mind keep me interested (hehe!). I don't care if you are 18 or 70, looking for short or long term, as long as 1) we have mutual attraction 2) you know what you want and can say what you want 3) we more or less agree on the relationship we want us to have.

I strive to follow Dan Savage's "campsite rule" (regardless of my partner's age; it's simply a good approach to life: leave things better than you found them). If you are far younger, I am unlikely to act on my attraction unless you indicate you are also attracted to me; I have no desire to make women feel uncomfortable. Most connections we have are for a reason or season; lifetime connections are few and far between. Though I might not fit for a "lifetime" with someone far younger, we might enjoy spending time together.

You: a flirtatious outgoing playful woman (OKC seems to think my ideal match is a bisexual woman in her 20s...that's alllllll good, but you can be straighter or older too ;) . You are highly sensual and sexual. You are more curvy than androgynous (which doesn't mean unhealthily overweight). You find my pix attractive. You think we might be simpatico. Your agenda is the same as mine: you want to see if/how we click, then go from there.

I hit it off best with vibrant women who are highly intelligent, politically progressive, direct, flirty, warm, unaffected, affectionate, independent and low drama. East coasters, Chicagoans, Nuyoricans and recovering Catholics welcome. :) Internationals too (Brits, Aussies, Canucks, Kiwis, et al). Closeminded need not apply; the people I enjoy hanging with are not phobic about race, ethnicity, or sexuality, aren't fans of Fox "News," nor are they rigidly PC. Maybe you have passionate interests, or exceptional creative or intellectual talent. I have a strong, unique vision, it'd be great to be with someone who could appreciate that & perhaps have her own.

To get more of an idea of my sense of humor, have a gander at my ancient vanity website: www.berdu.com/artsysite . If nothing else, check out my "football" page. My highly opinionated blog might also amuse/provoke. I'll post up my old OKC Journal entries there when I have time.