I love to create and dance and work on worthwhile endeavors, and I can be both playful and highly serious. I am lousy at small talk and good at getting to know a lot about you and will be genuinely interested -- people and their stories are interesting. I like to make people feel comfortable with themselves.
While all I wrote above is true, there is also another face to it. This is the side which you will either appreciate or hate, and I would rather have it out right now.
I have a strong rebellious streak and it takes effort for me not to break just about every rule I confront, except my own. I justify this by saying that I keep with the intent of the rules. I am quite non-traditional -- this was how I grew up and there is no changing me now. I painted my walls are deep blue and brown/black because I like it that way. I paint my floors black. I don't own a TV. I abhor TVs in bedrooms. But I will watch NetFlix and Hulu sometimes. I tend to play silly video games too much when I get stressed out, I am lousy with budgets even if I am good at math. I have many unfinished projects. My living space is almost always in process ... I eat whatever I want whenever I want and have never kept regular meals. I swear sometimes. I smoke sometimes, usually when I am out with friends drinking who also smoke. I don't go out that often, but when I do I am likely to be one of the people who dances for hours straight and closes the place out. Tomorrow I am going to get my half-sleeve tattoo finished; its a 50th birthday present to myself with an edge ... I am very opinionated and will speak passionately about what I believe in, and what inspires me. Sometimes I shave my legs, sometimes I don't. I speak freely about my past, about menopause, about just about anything, and this can be unsettling for some people ... I am often late even when I try not to be. I snore sometimes. I don't like being told what to do. Frankly I am a bit of a rebellious teenager in a middle-aged woman's body. This is moderated by my strong personal ethics, my inspired and workaholic tendencies.
Although I can be a bit of a flake now and then, I love my friends; they are my family of choice. My friendships are caring, loving, intimate ones. I do not compete with other women, never have, and simply don't live in the world where cattiness and competition between women exists. I am proud of how I walk my talk around this, around support, tolerance, and loyalty with loved ones. I normally don't say this, but it is true. I am proud of many things I have done, how I "made it" in the face of a lot of adversity, of being a good, loving, and supportive parent, of changing careers to do what I love despite the fact it wrecked havoc with my finances and my relationship at the time. I love my life. I have done mostly what I wanted to do, and taken care of business that I thought was important, like raising a child, and refused to take other shit seriously.
I have never owned a house, but am not sure that I ever will. However, I have always wanted to build a house with a partner. This is the one thing I have not done, but at this stage in my life, I am not sure it will ever happen. So in a few years, I may very well take this on myself.
This is getting rather long, but I have a little more to say.
My partner ... I would love to have a relationship with someone who is into creating stuff and I would love to be able to co-create stuff. I am thinking art, space, or some other projects, or incredible food. One of my favorite things it to be able to get inspired and work on something until I feel I am done. It could take hours or days or weeks. It would be really cool to do that together, and spontaneously work in all the other sweet, salty, sexy stuff that is inspired by having that someone who drives you nuts in the right way working beside you. I'm thinking building stuff, hedonism, hard work, lots of play, making far out dreams happen. I pretty much live like this right now, but without a partner.
Well, I am not sure how much of this makes sense or really represents me, but I said it and that feels good.