Anyway, I have all sorts of other traits and characteristics and opinions that probably only tangentially involve my anus strength, if at all, so just take my word for it when I say I'm a very well-rounded individual.
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31 / M / Straight / Seeing Someone
Saint Louis, MO
- Last Online
- Today – 12:31pm
- Hispanic / Latin, White, Other
- 5′ 8″ (1.73m)
- Body Type
- Used up
- Atheism, and very serious about it
- Libra, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from university
- Relationship Type
- Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
- Has dogs and has cats
- English (Fluently), French (Poorly)
I currently work in publishing but don't mistake me for one of these "grammar nazi" types. I fucking hate grammar Hitler and I'm perfectly fine with people who use "which" in a non-restrictive relative clause. Language is continually evolving and its evolution is guided by how people actually speak and write, not by the outmoded conventions of copyeditors desperately seeking lame rules to impose in order to justify marking up a text with a lot of bullshit corrections that don't affect comprehensibility one iota. There's probably some secret cabal of copyeditor lords burning an effigy of me and slicing open their palms and squeezing their blood into a sacred chalice while chanting my name right now to curse me but whatever. I'm all for clarifying a confusing or misleading sentence but let's not stick to worthless conventions just for the convention's sake. I'm a descriptivist for life and all y'all prescriptivist fools thinkin the most trivial & obsessively obscure grammatical "rules" (which were just invented whole-cloth by some dude) need to be enforced with iron-fisted mockery make me want to throw puke at a baby. Grammar nazism is usually just thinly veiled classism, racism, and ageism, anyway.
Other than that all I do is read, write, say fucked up shit on Twitter, pet my dogs, and stand on the ledges of buildings and contemplate suicide before being lured away by the alluring aroma of Funyuns, the one thing stopping me from hurling myself into the plane of nonexistence from whence I came.
My dream job is probably to write comedy of some sort and have people pay me for it in something other than rotten fruit being hurled at me.
If you're lucky, the first thing you notice about me is also my powerful anus except your finger isn't severed and inside it. Lucky you.
i hate all music, except rap and country
2. This list of things I can't do without (otherwise I forget)
3. do you guys really want to just read a list of shit?
4. i mean seriously it's a friggin list
5. it's like the least interesting thing you could possibly read
6. aside from incessant talk of anuses i guess
Okay but seriously I'm not that crazy and my real answer would involve something banal and trite like my family, my fiancee, my dogs. My freakin dogs, you guys. I fucking love my dogs like they are people and I make out with them on the mouth and if you don't like it then go fuck yourself because I'm happy and I'm making out with dogs and your life is but vast emptiness in comparison.
-EATING PEANUT BUTTER DIRECTLY OUT OF THE JAR USING A JAGGED STICK BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING BOSS
-READING INFINITE JEST IN ONE HAND AND THE CRITIQUE OF PURE REASON IN THE OTHER AND JUST FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP MENTALLY, DAWG
-UNPACKING ALL OF MY WHITE CIS MALE PRIVILEGE IN THIS COOL INVISIBLE KNAPSACK I FOUND SO THAT I CAN SMASH THE FUCKING PATRIARCHY
- Ages 20–49
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
- For new friends, casual sex
...YOU AREN'T A NARC
...u are familiar with all the latest "weird twitter" memes such as heelies, dildo hitler, breakdance cop, and wanting to die
...YOU FIGURED OUT THAT I ONLY TALK EXCESSIVELY ABOUT MY ANUS IN THIS PROFILE BECAUSE I AM DELIBERATELY TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK LESS APPEALING TO AVAILABLE WOMEN BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO ENSURE ONLY COOL PEOPLE WHO CAN PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF "HUMOR" WILL MESSAGE ME. ALSO I I FELT THE BEST WAY TO STAVE OFF THE HORDES OF WOMEN SENDING ME EMAILS ABOUT HOW THEY WANT TO HAVE SO MUCH SEX WITH ME (WHICH HAPPENS A LOT DUE TO MY INCREDIBLY AROUSING INGROWN FACIAL HAIRS) WOULD BE BY CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT MY ANUS. IM MAINLY LOOKING FOR NEW FRIENDS BUT ALSO YES I AM IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE SO IF IT PROGRESSES BEYOND FRIENDSHIP THATS FINE TOO. ANUS.
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