If I could describe myself in three words, that would fucking suck because then I'd be simple enough to describe in three fucking words. Jesus Christ I'd like to think it'd take at least 70 words to describe me. I mean, sure, if you wanted to boil me down to my bare essence like some sort of fucked-up mammalian lobster in a pot I guess you could say the three words that best describe me are: INCREDIBLY STRONG ANUS because I do a lot of kegel exercises and I don't play around on my squats but really that just seems like bragging and there really is more to me than my freakish anus strength that can grab your finger like a Chinese finger trap and snap it in half like a twig because why the fuck are you putting a finger in my ass in the first place? You can't just go around putting your finger in people's asses and not expect consequences, dude.
Anyway, I have all sorts of other traits and characteristics and opinions that probably only tangentially involve my anus strength, if at all, so just take my word for it when I say I'm a very well-rounded individual.