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31 • M • Saint Louis, MO
- Last Online
- Yesterday – 11:16pm
- Hispanic / Latin, White, Other
- 5′ 8″ (1.73m)
- Body Type
- Used up
- Atheism, and very serious about it
- Libra, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from university
- Relationship Status
- Relationship Type
- Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
- Has dogs and has cats
- English (Fluently), French (Poorly)
my dream job is probably to write comedy of some sort and have people pay me for it in something other than rotten fruit being hurled at me.
my degree and professional skills portend a skill with grammar, spelling, and writing - skills i often choose to ignore in the interest of not coming off like those insufferable people who take an overt amount of joy from correcting minor grammatical mistakes or criticizing AAVE as "improper English". people who confuse an inability to use standard english with an inability to say interesting or intelligent things make me want to throw my arms up in the air like i just don't care, except that i would care; i'd care a lot because those people are insufferable and bad. i personally prefer to bend the grammatical rules and fuck around with the medium, rather than forcing it into some tiny dark hole without light or goodness and calling it "proper".
i'm also good at keeping it real. i dislike keeping it unreal. i abhor the phenomenal realm and prefer the noumenal thing-in-itself.
i'd like to think that i could hold my own were i forced to battle between 2-3 ice wolves, owing to the many sparring sessions i have with my dog in preparation for the fateful day when the ice wolves will inevitably come for us all. you may laugh at me for this now, but when the ice wolves come i will be the one laughing at you, from atop my saddled ice wolf
nah actually i'm a huge fan of pretentious white guy lit such as david foster wallace, jonathan franzen, et al. also enjoy jennifer egan, margaret atwood. been meaning to read junot diaz. i vacillate between literary fiction and nonfiction genres such as philosophy, politics, history, feminism, etc. even though my literary interests are highly pretentious i assure you i do not think i am superior to people who read harry potter or that incredibly black and white book about how there are supposedly multiple shades of gray.
when it comes to interests outside of books i am generally less of an elitist-seeming piece of crap. i enjoy watching football and my favorite team is the rams, as their perennial failure to win reinforces in me the knowledge of my own contingency/lack of purpose in life. i enjoy incredibly bad top 40 pop hits as well as less bad things re: music. i also enjoy a variety of movies on various levels of the good vs. bad spectrum (mulholland drive, dr. strangelove / the room, troll 2).
im vegetarian for ethical reasons but won't judge you if your moral circle isnt as expanded as mine is. i like trying new foods and am amenable to eating bugs (which feel no conscious pain/do not harm the environment to produce) if you insist i eat some kind of meat.
my favorite part of rap songs is when there's the slowed down rap voice and if there's no slowed down rap voice part in a song then i will get very upset and start throwing my weight around and shouting into the unforgiving skies, demanding answers
-incredibly unhealthy greasy food
-my wicked cool dog
-a list of six things i can't do without that i keep handy just in case i forget
-the various things i use to distract myself from the inevitability of death, like my Applebees ® frequent customer rewards card
-my extremely normcore fashion sense, which is a hegelian synthesis of the thesis of hipster appropriation of extreme masuclinity/lumberjack attire and the antithesis of mom apparel
-an abacus (currently do not own one; desperately in need)
what the hell i'm doing with my life.
how humor works. why so many comedy types are truly awful people with awful beliefs and say dumb shit to try to be "edgy". why people think being criticized means they dont have free speech.
how i can become a better writer. what norms and tropes can i fuck with to improve myself. what do i have to say that is of significance. how can i say something of insignificance in a meaningful way. that kind of garbage.
-EATING PEANUT BUTTER DIRECTLY OUT OF THE JAR USING A JAGGED STICK BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING BOSS
-READING INFINITE JEST IN ONE HAND AND THE CRITIQUE OF PURE REASON IN THE OTHER AND JUST FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP MENTALLY, DAWG
-UNPACKING ALL OF MY WHITE CIS MALE PRIVILEGE SO THAT I CAN SMASH THE FUCKING PATRIARCHY. TRYING TO BE A BETTER PERSON.
-WONDERING WHERE I WENT WRONG IN LIFE TO BECOME SO ENMESHED IN THIS CAPITALISTIC SOCIAL MILIEU THAT I NOW VIEW EVEN MY OWN IDENTITY AS A PERSONAL "BRAND" THAT I NEED TO SELL AND EXPLOIT FOR FINANCIAL PROFIT SUCH THAT I CAN SUSTAIN MY NEED FOR THE PRODUCTS/COMMODITIES BY WHICH I ALSO DEFINE MYSELF. I'M A GAMER AND LOVE MOUNTAIN DEW.
i probably seem entertaining and funny based on this profile, but in reality i am significantly less entertaining and funny. like most "funny" people [like most "people"] i am actually a very depressed person dealing with a lot of deep anxiety.
we will probably go on one lackluster date and then i won't call you back because i'll worry that i'm bothering you. for a ratio of something like 1 out of 6 lucky ladies there may be enough chemistry for us to smooch a few times and go on a second date. for even fewer there will be a third date. i'm not sure if there exists a fourth date. i don't think that is a thing that happens. i've heard of it happening before but i don't believe it. i think its like that video of sasquatch walking towards the woods because it turns out just to be a man wearing a costume. a man in a costume of a fourth date, and not an actual fourth date. also i am burned out on this website so i am sharing this publicly as a way to make potential dates see it and be like "oh dear this guy is fucked up and sad i better avoid this one". now i feel like only sufficiently messed up people will want to message me. hello you messed up people who are still reading this. this message is just for you: thanks for sticking around. i can't believe you made it through all that whiny bullshit, but you did. congrats on that. how did you do it.
from here on out my "dating" policy is let's just hang out, if you want, with no expectations or trying to label what we are doing as a "date" or "pretext to making our mouths and/or genitals touch" or what the fuck ever. honestly i don't even think i want to date. i think i just want "friends" but maybe sometimes the "friends" kinda morphs into something else, something how-should-i-say-this physical, on occasion. i think that is my ideal relationship style to be honest. so let's just get fucking real with each other. i'm not going to do small talk or be suave and mysterious i'm just going to be incredibly fucking real and it will possibly be too serious and overwhelming so if that's not your bag that's fine. you can find the suave mystery men elsewhere. i'm an unsuave headcase and i want to tell you exactly how and why i'm fucked up if you will listen and i will listen to why you are fucked up if you want because frankly i can't afford therapy and i will be possibly using you in some quasi-therapeutic role but then again isn't that what friends are for, if you really think about it. thanks again.
- Girls who like guys
- Ages 21–49
- Located anywhere
- Who are single
- For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex
...YOU FIGURED OUT THAT MY IRONY IS MERELY A "SUIT OF ARMOR" IF YOU WILL TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM JUDGMENT AND REJECTION AND ACTUALLY I DEEPLY CARE ABOUT THINGS AND SOMETIMES GET ALL BLEARY EYED THINKING ABOUT PUPPIES
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