Craig was born a black child to a lovely Lithuanian couple in the boothills of a Kentucky mountain. He was taught from a young age to talk in the third person. He continues that tradition to this day. He enjoys blowing bubbles and catching fireflies. He started an ant farm, but proved an unsuccessful motivator of ants ("Those fellas didn't grow SQUAT!"). He believes that money can't buy happiness; however, it can buy a jetski. And have you ever seen someone riding a jetski that wasn't happy? He didn't think so.

Wow, I am having waaaaay too much fun with this. If you really want to know anything about me, just message me. I'm an open book.

I am fergilicious, fantasticular, and sarcastic *ahem*

I'm currently in the Professional Lottery Winner industry. But, business hasn't been too good recently, so I'm thinking about getting into the field I majored in at college, Professional Inheritance Recipient.

Setting people up for the "Surely, you can't be serious" joke from Airplane. Sadly, this joke is lost on most of today's unwitting audiences.

The rash. Don't ask me where it is. Just trust me, you'll know it when you see it.

If somehow you're able to miss the rash, I'd say the grotesque hump on my back would be the next thing you'd probably notice.

And if somehow you were able to miss those two freak show-esque maladies, then the third thing you would notice would have to be the ear acne.

Yep. Those would be it.

Oh, and possibly my sense of humor

Songs I will dance to regardless of whether decorum or tact dictate the time and place to be acceptable: Sam and Dave "Soul Man" and Spencer Davis Group "Gimme Some Lovin'"

Songs that make me smile no matter how bad of a mood I may be in: Lustra "Scotty Doesn't Know" and Timbuk 3 "The Future's So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)"

If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life: Corn Chex (seriously!)

Most influential books in my life by decade of my age:
0-10: Go Dog Go!
11-20: the Cliffs notes for Hamlet
21-30: The Alchemist

1. A heart beat

Hmm... I guess I shouldn't have taken that one so literally. That sort of took the wind out of my sales for all the rest.

My Blackberry - ok, well, not really. I could certainly do without it. But I'm definitely addicted to it. I'm a total Crackberry addict.

Unanswerable questions, such as:

1. Why is grass green?
2. Why is the sky blue?
3. Why are some women so batsh-t crazy?!

Working the corner of Fifth and Liberty Ave. Hey, a girl's gotta earn a buck, right?

Somebody say 'make money money, make money money money!'

1. I've never outgrown the desire to run behind a grocery store shopping cart, jump on the back, and ride it through the parking lot to my car. Yes, I will do this if we begin to date. Yes, you will probably be embarrassed by me doing this, no matter how cool you are.

2. Some people are afraid of heights, I'm terrified of widths.

you recognize any of the four comedians that I either reference material by, quote, or paraphrase in my profile.

Other than that, my requirements are fairly simple:
- don't be crazy
- actually be interested in starting a relationship (silly of me to expect on a dating website, I know...)
- don't smoke or do drugs
- want kids
- like cats
- workout regularly
- laugh at my jokes :-D

I really feel the best way to get to know me is through Facebook. If you're interested in getting to know me better, send me a message here. If I think we'd hit if off, we can progress from there.