50 San Francisco, CA
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My self-summary
Imperative: Take the time to read the damn profile before writing me please!

Disclaimer: I have noted that being on OKC is similar to being an atheist and going to church. I'm here, but it's hard to have faith in the interweb. My best relationships have been from live connections; you're welcome to dissuade me.

Second disclaimer; I am technically "poly" (see below) and I am seeking a partner with emotional, intellectual, and physical availability. I thought it was clear in my profile, but feeling the need to reiterate it. Thanks!

Now onto the glimmer of "me":

Self descriptors being boxes that muddle chemistry and connection aside, here goes...I am a creative, lively woman with interests in all things personal: physical, spiritual, emotional growth, pleasure, pain, and general hedonism. Although I love animals and have a wonderful, well-behaved chihuahua named Samson, I am an unrepentant omnivore who relishes healthy appetites. I have a Master's in French/English Lit and Women's Studies, (thesis: Subversive Practices in Feminist Performance Art). I've also studied Physical Theater, Circus Arts, Psychic Healing, Tantra, Taoism, Buddhism, Body Piercings, and BDSM, the latter which I also currently teach. I've lived in Paris, France and Melbourne, Australia. I love traveling. "Things" I like: cooking, cars, kink, care, compersion. Basically I am an "omni" person in relationships, and find it difficult to label myself any one thing, the closest is queer poly top femme switch.

Although my leanings be artistic, politics and science turn me on - especially when there is little ego involved.

Physically, I have discreet and meaningful body ink/tattoos and several piercings. I like looking somewhat "normal", (define that please!), but naked be adorned. I have a body/spirit that desires intense sensation: giving and receiving, the latter which I am currently trying to ameliorate.

I am consideredpolyamorous or appreciative of "open" relationships, (which means lots of clear communication!), seeking an open minded, kinky, comrade/companion/lover - NOT a booty call, (unless exceptionally talented;). Polyamory to me is not about fucking anything that moves as much as it is about the freedom to discuss and potentially exercise various attractions with others. To be clear, my heart is very loyal, and when in love, I am completely devoted to passion and honesty. These days, I am more open to lightness and ease than anything heavy.

Mostly, I am eager to meet fellow adventurers, especially sailors, skydivers, and pilots - particularly if you have the following criterion: you value and practice transparency in relationships, (if you don't know what that means, we are probably not well suited), because you know yourself well enough to know that you cannot fully know yourself at any given time. I expect you to know how to articulate your thoughts and feelings - ideally in a timely fashion - or at least voice when you can't. My preference would be for someone creative and queer or queer friendly, but I find chemistry perplexing, dictating "love" impossible, longevity not so obvious. Besides, we don't need to have special chemistry to explore the diverse culture the Bay Area has to offer - although connection makes it more amusing, n'est ce pas?

Having said that, people who can appreciate my extraordinary life, (as ideally I do theirs), will get further than those who condemn it or idolize it foolishly.

I am wonderful, wacky, and wise...

Okay, since there's no way to add little notes, I am going to say check out some of my tests above. I just realized how spot on they are!
What I’m doing with my life
Balancing healthy doses of insanity with reality checks.

I am an alternative lifestyles educator who presents loads of classes on kink and bdsm around the country. A kink specialist if you will, or a pleasure artist if you won't;) I have written extensively on a term I believe I coined, (Sexual) Psychic Waste Management. I recently had a book published in collaboration with a friend/colleague on Bondassage. I am currently reflecting on a book on my knowledge of kink and transformation (any fellow writers want to exchange ideas?).

I have a few relationships that bring me great joy and that I will not sacrifice, although juggling many can be challenging. Did I mention I adore, (healthy and loving) challenges? Having said that, I don't take relationships lightly and most of my relationships do NOT involve sex.

I am working on providing myself with more self care and being open to receiving the generosity/nurturing of others - challenging areas for me.

I run around a bit, call it my "calisthenics", love yoga, but have been remiss as of late. I just started pilates, which is wonderful. I do both group and private and find it an excellent fit for my personality. I am thinking about taking up tap dance. I am always up/down for swimming lessons again since I almost drowned twice as a child because I jumped into the deep end without knowing how to swim! (a metaphor for my personality at large).

I love sailing! Was racing on an all women's sailing crew, I am still a novice and am enthusiastic crew to a gentle captain.

I am also drawn to combined physicality like tantra/tantric yogic practices, and esoteric practices like holotropic breathwork, One Taste, hypnosis, and NVC. My most recent interests are TRE or Trauma/tension Release therapy and DBT which I am also learning to teach to others since they have been so beneficial to me. Having confessed all that, I must admit, I'm not at all "hippie like"...much more urban with esoteric sophistication.

I love going to events at YBCA, and other cultural excursions around town, like the Opera, Symphony, contemporary physical theater and Film Festivals.

I also want to get out of the city more...learn rock or mountain climbing, scuba diving hang gliding, eating oysters at Point Reyes? I love being out in the city during the weekdays, it's like a vacation from the 9-5 world.

My tag line is "never a dull moment!"

Oh, and it's not what you do but how you do it:)
I’m really good at
Emotional intelligence
Self reliance
Sexual Athleticism
Laughing at myself
Stochastic Social Science

must add the tough with the easy I suppose....
The first things people usually notice about me
My aura of self-command, or so I've been told.

how about my concupiscence, munificence, and opulence?

or so I've been told.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A favorite quote:

"We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

Theodor Seuss Geisel or the other guy...

which reminds me of the Freudian theory that love is merely a matching of neurosis.

Yikes, I can never itemize my life well, yet I always try...

Written on the Body, Jeanette Winterson
Oh the Places You'll Go! Dr Suess
They're Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston
Light in August, Faulkner
Perfume, Patrick Suskind
Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters
The Idiot, Dostoyevsky
Zami, Audre Lorde
The History of Sexuality, Foucault
You're an Animal Viscovitz! Buffo
Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation, Dr Tatiana
The Crying of Lot 49, Thomas Pynchon
This Sex Which is Not One, Irigiray
Bend Sinister or Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
The Erotic Mind, Jack Morin
Come Hither, Gloria Brame
Lesbian Polyfidelity, Celeste West
Stiff, Mary Roach
Opening Up, Tristen Taormino
Sex at Dawn Christopher Ryan
Nympho Nurse's Naughty Sister;)

and many more...

Music varies from Billie Holiday to Lemon Jelly, (little rock or country in general, and new friends tell me I'm Indie). I feel the need to add some new interests when I get the time to research on the computer. I am also interested in Klezmer Music and traditional Punjabi.

Some old favorites and currents include:

Lemon Jelly, (with William Shatner;)
Damien Rice "O"
Magnetic Fields 69 Love Songs
Suzanne Vega, (Suzanne Vega)
Eric Satie Gymnopedies
Stravinsky Violin Concertos and Rite of Spring
Antony and the Johnsons
Jens Lekman
Lisa Ekdahl, (love/hate actually)
apparently, I am "Emo"
Chicago Blues
Crooners in general
Funky dance music, (even disco!)

a few movies:
Death Takes a Holiday
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Le Mepris/Contempt
8 1/2
some like it hot
Ma Vie En Rose
you and me and everyone we know
little miss sunshine
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
harold and maude
best in show
don't bother to knock
Desperate Living


Orange is the New Black
Downton Abbey

Not so Recent:

Ugly Americans
arrested development
strangers with candy
six feet under

Paula Vogel
physical theatre
contemporary circus
thrill peddlers
fresh meat/sean dorsey

The Sun
Meat Paper

I have the "curse": I love cooking and eating! Dining out can be pleasurable also. I have dabbled in paleo" grains, dairy or sugar, but mostly eat whatever I want these days.

Easy ways to make me happy:
grass fed steak and greens
and oysters
and really any seafood or shell fish
The six things I could never do without
I specify objects here more than the obvious like air etc; but love, always love...

hitachi magic wand
betty dodson barbell
et312 and attachments
black leather boots
Loved Ones, especially Samson

could I do without my phone and the computer?
I like to think so.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Work, how to manage in a world where marketing matters more than your artistry...

Interpersonal relationships...chemistry, sex, how the world works, why there are so many ignorant people who don't care about others and don't educate themselves on other ways of being. Power dynamics within relationships - whether conscious or not, fair or unfair. In a word, I am utterly fascinated by the hows and whys of all relationships between people, be they familial, sexual, political, or random.

I am particularly interested in how the brain responds to the body and vice-versa during emotional periods and how to "retrain" the brain through techniques like DBT, hypnotherapy, and meditation.

I also spend a fair amount of my time trying to determine how to continue a passionate life of work and play and how to help others do the same.
On a typical Friday night I am
At a play party, traveling, working, or hanging at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I was born and raised poor in the U.S., and I brush my teeth with hot water.
You should message me if
You have read the damn profile!


ANY swell combination of the following resonate:

You think you could encourage me to relax because you are genuinely an intelligent, engaging, loving, kinky, smart, warm, generous person who is not afraid of a Toppy woman but also does not see her as a a monolithic conquest or challenge.

You are emotionally and physically available.
You believe in Sexual Healing.
You understand social injustice and can discuss.
You are at least potentially bisexual.
You have day time weekday availability and enjoy taking advantage of it.
You are single.
Today is Your Day!
You are infinitely curious and love the idea of new adventures.
You are looking for an admittedly novice, but enthusiastic sailing partner.
You enjoy teaching/sharing your passions.

Complex thinkers who work from the heart and are flexible, reliable, trust worthy, empathic, charming, open minded and indulgent -with willingness and ability to heal and hold when things get tough will go VERY far. Also, I realize that's like asking for a micro pin on Mount Everest, but you get the idea.

Finally, you might message me if you are NOT a mindless tourist. Meaning, you do not wish to explore your suppressed sexuality with me until it's time to move on. You may lack experience, but not creativity and mindfulness.

I'm seeking people who understand that all relationships involve ever changing power dynamics, whether implicit or explicit.


thanks for reading this ever expansive profile:)