Me: Hey, if I wanted to study to become a half-man, half-horse, do you think I'd need a Mentaur?
You: Shut up, John.
Me: Maybe in a Minotaur two. I have to hash this out by Satyrday.
You: Don't call me again.
I'm a work in progress. Which is code for "getting less fat." 70 lbs since last January. The guy who invented circuit and interval training styles can go screw. I assume they're the same guy because I don't like to believe that there are two Antichrists.
I could spin you some wondrous yarn about the panoply of artistic aspirations I hold and how my East Coast intellectual upbringing sets me apart from all the other "aspiring creatives" in this city, but let's avoid starting this profile experience on pitiable self-deception, shall we?
I am a(n): Animal lover. Hedonist. Skeptic. Arts weirdo. Whiskey enthusiast. "Great" cook. Nerd. Feminist. Metalhead. Misanthrope. Fatalist. Optimist. Introverted extrovert. Gregarious hermit.
I'm opinionated, educated, and hella smert. I like the same in my womenfolk.
Allow me to communicate my feelings about this question with the help of my good friend Calvin:
Audiobooks, VO, immersive theater, and a little audio design here and there. As with most freelancers, finding my next gig is probably 65% of my work. Kinda hate it, but also kinda love it. I'm also hoping to open my own business in the near future.
Recently finished Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Harry Potter for people who actually like to read.
Currently reading Oryx & Crake and Laina Dawes' book about black women in the metal/punk/hardcore scenes. Up next is The Martian.
Movies: The American Astronaut, Airplane!, The Warriors, Sunshine, Black Dynamite, Robocop, 13 Assassins, Ghost in the Shell, Raiders & Last Crusade, anything with Keanu Reeves. I don't know why, but I have an all-abiding love for that man. I'll also watch a documentary about anything astronomy or physics related. Especially if Michio Kaku is in it. Mad Max rules all. But the way to my cinematic heart is and shall ever be paved with Shaw Bros. kung fu flicks, slow-burn samurai epics, and Mel Brooks movies.
I found a copy of Highlander for $5 today at Target. Don't go looking for it. At that price, there can be only one.*
Music: Anything good. Last three great purchases:
Failure: The Heart is a Monster
Chelsea Wolfe: Abyss (love love LOVE Chelsea)
Dr. Yen Lo (Ka & Preservation): Days With Dr. Yen Lo
I love everything from Motown to bluegrass, but my true musical loves are 90s hip-hop and underground/experimental metal. I know that's probably a turn-off, but so's you liking Mumford & Sons. We'll muddle through. Probably with the help of Queens of the Stone Age & Kendrick.
Shows: The State, Mr. Show, Snuff Box, Black Mirror, The Mighty Boosh, Luxury Comedy, QI, Black Adder, A Bit of Fry & Laurie, Father Ted, Black Books, Jam, Darkplace, The League of Gentlemen, Inside No. 9, Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe, Justified, Sons of Anarchy, Black Jesus, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Bob's Burgers, Archer, Home Movies, Metalocalypse...lots more. Love anime, but I'm very selective. Rick and Morty is the best show on television. Doctor Who for damaged people. Not that I'm damaged. Cough.
Food: Yer damn right.
1. Monty Python - Theory on Brontosauruses, by Anne Elk (Miss)
2. Kids in the Hall - Screw You, Taxpayer!
3. The State - Taco Mailman
4. Mr. Show - The Audition
5. The State - Porcupine Racetrack
6. Fry & Laurie - Tony/Control
Why mandatory viewings of The State aren't required by federal law.
Also real stuff like censorship, equality in the arts, and world politics.
You wanna do freaky theater things with me.
You're an animator and want to make cartoons with me.
You wanna go to crazy experimental metal shows with me.
You talk with your hands and get fiery eyes when discussing things that you're passionate about.
You can make me laugh. Like, "rolling-on-the-floor-stop-it-stop-it-I'm-gonna-pee" laugh.
You want to watch movies that we know by heart and quote our way through them.
Neo-Cons, Objectivists, 9/11 Truthers, religious types, and people who get all their news from Buzzfeed need not apply.
*I really am sorry for this one. Just kidding. I'm not. At ALL.