"How would I describe myself? Three words: Hard-working, alpha male, jackhammer....merciless....insatiable...." -Dwight K. Schrute

Other things you should know about me:

-I don't ever take myself too seriously. That's ESPECIALLY true when it comes to online dating profiles.

-I have strong disdain for when people use the term "awesomesauce." However, if I were at a restaurant and there was something on the menu that came with a side of awesomesauce, I would order without hesitation. UPDATE: I'm gonna go ahead and include "amazeballs" with this as well. However, I most certainly would never order amazeballs off of a menu. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

-I despise the taste of coffee, and yet I drink it almost every day. What can I say, caffeine is one hell of a drug.

-I can clap with one hand. Inquire within.

-Sarcasm comes at a premium.

I'm a freelance assistant director for independent films. It's basically glorified playtime, and I get paid to do it. Some country we live in, huh?

-Crossword puzzles
-Staring contests
-Subway navigation (the sandwich place, not the transportation system)
-Being snarky

The badge that I got from the mayor for being so awesome. I wear it proudly. You didn't know that those really existed? Well, this is awkward.

Favorite Book: Down and Out in Paris and London, Keep the Aspidistra Flying, Burmese Days...love me some Orwell! I also just bought a Nook, so I'm trying to make the transition. I also only bought a Nook so I could say ambiguously dirty things like "I just bought a Nook."

Favorite Movies: I'd like to find someone who I can have a lively debate with regarding the merits of Face/Off, arguably one of the greatest action classic ever. Travolta. Cage. They switch faces. 'Nuff said.

Favorite Music: Iron & Wine (and other bearded folk rock), Tom Waits, Band of Horses

Favorite Food: Let's just say there's no such thing as too much sriracha. Also, does wine count as a food?

1) Movies/Music (i.e. anything that distracts me...LOOK SHINY THINGS!)
2) My guitar
3) Oxygen
4) Humor....honestly, how boring would life be without it?
5) The internet. How else am I going to watch cat videos?
6) Pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING

What was going through the mind of the first person who ever sneezed? Think about it. How fucking alarmed would you be??

Living the dream. Too vague of an answer, you say? Well, my friend, you just don't know what the dream is.

I'll never get over the fact that I can't wiggle my ears.

You own many leather-bound books, and your apartment smells of rich mahogany.

Also, if you're not one of those people that goes to Africa to save the elephants, but won't ever go north of 14th Street. NYC is an awesome place to explore and so much of it lies beyond Union Square, trust me!

Or you know, if you want to.