Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


43 Croydon, UK Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 35–48
  • Near me
  • For casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Dec 24
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Trying to quit
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sales / Marketing
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Fluently), French (Poorly), Russian (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a musical, too sensitive, highly emotionally literate, slightly judgemental (with, admittedly, no right to be), only very slightly reconstructed English northern male with "wordy" sensibilities. WYS is definitely less than WYG, although these deep waters aren't particularly still.

Yes, I am married. Yes, we're both aware it's not as it should be. Yes, it's (very) complicated. Yes, I understand her. Yes, we do love each other. No, I don't want to hurt/leave her and, no, I don't want (and obviously cannot give) exclusivity. Oh, and no -there are no kids. Nor does either of us want any (for those who may be interested or have made up their minds already.) I'd love for us to be openly poly but don't think that's going to happen any time soon, so "friends" is what I'm after...

On the plus side, I'm easy-going, broad-minded, good company (in small groups) with a highly defined (if occasionally a little dark/?warped) sense of humour. I'm the person quickest to spot the unintended double-entendre/Freudian slip and the one who fails to avoid making and spotting his own, with often hilarious results. My group dynamics type is "the plant" - the guy who adroitly pops the bubble of the "the boss" whilst taking the piss, ever so gently, allowing the group to move on in a more constructive manner without completely de-railing it.

I love music (I'm a 4-string bass guitar demon myself), theatre, films (especially picaresque dramas and well-made horror flix) and am quite artistically-minded. Like art galleries, exhibitions, all the performing arts (except, maybe, dance, unless I'm taking part - I particularly like a good ceilidh when in the mood.)

I also read just about anything.

I have a weakness for good beer but don't (often) drink to excess.

I'm interested in languages, linguistics, psychology, medicine, art, philosophy, showmanship, closet rebellion and most other food for thought. Naturally, I like a good conversation and can be highly verbal, but not too opinionated.

I'm looking (primarily) for (a) female friend/s for connection;

I tend to wear my (big) heart on my sleeve and try to communicate as straightforwardly as possible without being too offensive/disarming!

If you're pretty grounded, non-judgemental, not too unfulfilled and like to take a chance (or are just curious) you might like to get in touch...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to be more mindful;

Reflecting, summarising, clarifying and getting creative in the clink...

Goading my MLC; tempting fate generally in other ways;

Engaging - identifying a bit too much with Jack at the moment, sadly...(NB: Jack of the proverbial hard-working/ dull-boy fame - not as in Jack N/ "Johnny" of "The Shining!" :-))
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
1) playing bass guitar and performing backing vocals in a 3- or 4-piece;

2) meeting emotional need (not so good with practical, but working on it);

3) basic empathy

4) Peregrine

Gaze held aloft
By the pied sentinel;
Throat speckled, fawn; peals soft
Sound small mammals' knell...

Keeping tall urban house;
Gifting to kin
Merest morsels of mouse
Before darkness draws in;

Stealing curious breath
From a proud ape so knowing;
Augur tooth-and-claw death;
Grace unconsciously showing.

"A greater skilled, though learned response",
Simply gives us the lie -
For our lauded souls, mind-ensconced,
Are but rarely seen fly...

Your black-finned bomb stoop
For post-dusk acts reserved;
Slate velvet scores loop:
An arc perfectly curved...

Full wheel & loud screech,
You gimlet-eyed seeker -
Us ground-dwellers each
To make feel all the weaker!

5) nostalgia - although it sure ain't what it used to be :-)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
my predominantly benign yet unaccountably shifty aura and incongruous lack of "side";
my self-and-everything-else-(but-not-everyone-else)-deprecating sense of humour;
that I lollop in a slightly ursine fashion (as opposed to like Igor in "Young Fronkenshteen") rather than walk;
that I can be a curious mixture of "rough diamond" and trenchant wit.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - A Prayer for Owen Meany, Wuthering Heights, Heart of Darkness, Emil & the Detectives, The Girl in a Swing;

Movies - Withnail & I, This Is Spinal Tap (or pretty much any Rob Reiner film), anything with Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, Cate Blanchett. I also have an irrational weakness for Sandra Bullock. Tend to go for character- (or idea- ) rather than plot-driven stuff, though.

Shows - anything by the RSC; as for films, above.

Music - any good ol' fashioned guitar rock; funk; metal; punk, etc. Partial to a lot of classical too; Wagner soundscapes (sorry - I mean operas, of course - ahem!)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) my bass guitar (active circuitry); my pre-Gibson TE 4x10"-with-horn combo (for any rocky muso-geek types: please message me if you want to make sweet music!) and associated toys;
2) good conversation and communication;
3) classic, long-haired, mirror-shaded rock (with or without misogynist and/or ironic sub-text; it is, after all, all about the guitar, drums and vocals!);
4) brilliant books & poetry;
5) Suffolk- and Staffs-brewed ale;
6) lingo & culture generally
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
human projectors and prisms; benign psychopathy; reckless abandon;

that dream I used to have as a kid, in which I would run along the road, flapping my arms, and eventually take off (with no sense of surprise, alarm, or shock - just pure exhilaration);

attachment disorder; disordered attachments
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
my own conundrum (but that's probably more a 7-days-a-week thing).

wondering what happened to typical Friday nights!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Earworms are among my best friends;

Though I have musical foundations and literary elevations, the fact that the whole lot's built on rock works for me;

I was born with a complete inability to learn to b******t. It's got me into trouble in the past and will probably do so in future, but it keeps me anchored, as they say... (I'm not and will never be "grounded", sadly.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you feel you satisfy 3 or more of the below criteria:

you like a good convo;

consider yourself fully adult but still completely in touch with your "inner child";

think yourself creative;

have a healthy disrespect for (if not all-out disdain of) small-talk;

thought you understood the natural sciences but now realise you don't and would like to re-learn (& teach someone without a clue - yes, Yours Truly!) - all about them;

don't feel the need to explore/define boundaries before you explore/define people/relationships;

consider yourself reasonably complex;

are similarly offended that OKC calls you "old-fashioned" and absolutely don't agree (can't they/we develop something a little less culturally biased?) or think you might still like to meet such a person;

like to laugh (preferably about yourself at least as much as anything and everything else);

have an appreciation of (without a preoccupation with) the absurd;

think your personality type would complement (rather than attempt to "take in hand") a genuine malcontent;

are curious about people who subvert and conform to the English northerner stereotype in equal measure;

don't think all men are basically imperfect women because of their chromosomal make-up;

find aural stimulation (including pure voice and accents) - errm -stimulating!


And quadrupled points for anyone who can convince me that they genuinely like, appreciate and can discern good beer.

(Or can tolerate a raging beer snob.)