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44 Croydon, UK Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 38–49
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 1:46am
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Trying to quit
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sales / Marketing
Rather not say
Doesn’t have kids
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Fluently), French (Poorly), Russian (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
**Important** - "likes" can't be seen by me; please send me a message if you're curious or think you may want to interact with me in any way - thanks.

Musical, too sensitive, highly emotionally literate, slightly judgemental (with, admittedly, no right to be), only very slightly reconstructed English northern male with "wordy" sensibilities.

In a simple, contentedly childless marriage which (in context) turns out to be rather complicated. We're both aware it's otherwise not as it should be. Yes, I understand her. Yes, we do love each other. No, I don't want to hurt/leave her and therefore do not want (and obviously cannot give) exclusivity. I'd love for us to be openly poly but don't think that's going to happen any time soon, so independent-spirited "friends" is what I'm after...(At this point, I'd like to assure you that I bear no comparison with "King Rat" physically or psychologically and used to identify more with the "too nice"-type (no longer quite that, thankfully.) I have depths hidden within my depths, and hidden as much from me as from you.

My sense of humour is highly defined (if occasionally a little dark/?warped) but recently under-exercised, so I'd like to get it a bit leaner and fitter. My group dynamics type is "the plant" - the guy who adroitly pops the bubble of the "the boss" whilst taking the piss, ever so gently, allowing the group to move on in a more constructive manner without completely de-railing it.

I revere performing arts & music (I'm a 4-string bass guitar demon myself and, of course, a frustrated drummer), including most genres of theatre, film (especially picaresque dramas and well-made horror flix) and am quite artistically-minded. I like art galleries, exhibitions, lectures - pretty much anything that demands more from the creator than just knowledge and technique. I also love to watch people doing things that they love to do well; the more skilfully done, the greater the viewing appeal.

I read just about anything - increasingly books in the section recently renamed as "Smart Thinking"(?!) in my local Waterstones (previously Pop Psychology? No idea...) I did balk at "The Magic Mountain", though, both as an undergrad and much more recently...allegorical characters in modern fiction have never struck me as big or clever...or readable. (A bit like this profile...although, in mitigation, I sound much less stuffy in acoustic format!)

I have a weakness for good beer but don't (often) drink to excess.

I'm interested in languages, literature, linguistics, psychology, medicine, art, philosophy, showmanship, closet rebellion and most other food for thought. Naturally, I like a good conversation and can be highly verbal, but not too opinionated.

I'm looking (primarily) for (a) female friend/s for connection;

I tend to wear my (big) heart on my sleeve and try to communicate as straightforwardly as possible without being too offensive/disarming!

If you're pretty grounded, non-judgemental, not too unfulfilled and like to take a chance (or are just curious) you might like to get in touch...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Turning it the right way up...bloody hard work, though...

Hoping for a soft landing but anticipating a bumpy one...

Re-acquainting myself with a mild chlorine allergy and all-but-forgotten muscle tone...(Gosh!)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
1) playing bass guitar and performing backing vocals in a 3- or 4-piece;

2) meeting emotional need (not so good with practical, but working on it);

3) basic empathy

4) synthesizing emotion and ideas

5) giving "old-fashioned" looks
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
my predominantly benign yet unaccountably shifty aura and incongruous lack of "side";
my self-and-everything-else-(but-not-everyone-else)-deprecating sense of humour;
that I lollop in a slightly ursine fashion (as opposed to like Igor in "Young Fronkenshteen") rather than walk;
that I can be a curious mixture of "rough diamond" and trenchant wit.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - A Prayer for Owen Meany, Wuthering Heights, Heart of Darkness, Emil & the Detectives, The Girl in a Swing;

Movies - Withnail & I, This Is Spinal Tap (or pretty much any Rob Reiner film), anything with Geoffrey Rush, Greg Kinnear, Cate Blanchett. I also have an irrational weakness for Sandra Bullock. Tend to go for character- (or idea- ) rather than plot-driven stuff, though.

Shows - anything by the RSC; as for films, above.

Music - any good ol' fashioned guitar rock; funk; metal; punk, etc. Partial to a lot of classical too; Wagner soundscapes (sorry - I mean operas, of course - ahem!)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) my bass guitar (active circuitry); my pre-Gibson TE 4x10"-with-horn combo (for any rocky muso-geek types: please message me if you want to make sweet music!) and associated toys;
2) good conversation and communication;
3) classic, long-haired, mirror-shaded rock (with or without misogynist and/or ironic sub-text; it is, after all, all about the guitar, drums and vocals!);
4) brilliant books & poetry;
5) Suffolk-, Staffs- and Sussex-brewed ale;
6) lingo & culture generally
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
ways to escape;

human projectors and prisms; benign psychopathy; reckless abandon;

that dream I used to have as a kid, in which I would run along the road, flapping my arms, and eventually take off (with no sense of surprise, alarm, or shock - just pure exhilaration);

attachment disorder; disordered attachments;

forgotten knowledge of jobs well done; resting in peace; water-borne ashes; telepathic sympathy;

R.I.P. Christopher Lee... :-(
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
my own conundrum (but that's probably more a 7-days-a-week thing).

(First post-election Friday night): regression towards the mean (& nasty)!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Earworms are among my best friends;

Though I have musical foundations and literary elevations, the fact that the whole lot's built on rock works for me;

I was born with a complete inability to learn to bulls**t. It's got me into trouble in the past and will probably do so in future, but it keeps me anchored, as they say... (I'm not and will never be "grounded", sadly.)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you feel you satisfy 3 or more of the below criteria (come on, folks - stay with me now if you've got this far!):

you like a good convo;

consider yourself fully adult but still completely in touch with your "inner child";

think yourself creative;

have a healthy disrespect for (if not all-out disdain of) small-talk;

thought you understood the natural sciences but now realise you don't and would like to re-learn (& teach someone without a clue - yes, Yours Truly!) - all about them;

don't feel the need to explore/define boundaries before you explore/define people/relationships;

consider yourself reasonably complex;

are similarly offended that OKC calls you "old-fashioned" and absolutely don't agree (can't they/we develop something a little less culturally biased?) or think you might still like to meet such a person;

like to laugh (preferably about yourself at least as much as anything and everything else);

have an appreciation of (without a preoccupation with) the absurd;

think your personality type would complement (rather than attempt to "take in hand") a genuine malcontent;

are curious about people who subvert and conform to the English northerner stereotype in equal measure;

don't think all men are basically imperfect women because of their chromosomal make-up;

find aural stimulation (including pure voice and accents) - errm -stimulating!


And quadrupled points for anyone who can convince me that they genuinely like, appreciate and can discern good beer.

(Or can tolerate a raging beer snob.)