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Seaottersarecool

26 M Paris, France

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 19–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:16am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
[UPDATE / POST-SCRIPTUM (mais placé en prologue, je sais, c'est un petit peu CONTROVERSIAL) / NOTA BENE : DO NOT TRY TO MESSAGE ME IF YOU HAPPEN TO WEAR UGG BOOTS, THAT SHIT IS WHAT MY NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF. THANK YOU !]

Hey there !

(have you felt the self-confidence and flattery in that catch ? GOSH I'm good.)

I kind of like sea otters. They are the coolest. The most cool. The mostest coolest. Did you know that they can close their nostrils and ears when they dive ? I bet you did not know that. They float on their back and eat on their belly. COME ON, HOW CUTE IS THAT ? You are a bit sexy, by the way. I like the way you operate that computer. Way to go, nice job.

More seriously, hey there. Apart from the fact that I love sea otters, there is one cat that needs to step out of that bag right now : I am already in a non-exclusive relationship. So I'm not on this website looking for love. I usually don't wave that flag to introduce myself as I do not consider it as an extremely important part of my character; but on a dating service, it becomes KIND OF important. So there it is. Friends, online talks, one-night stands, frequent sexual encounters, I'm OK for all of that, but I am not looking for love. I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings nor be hurt in the process.

GOD it feels a bit preposterous, introducing myself being all "ladies, DO NOT fall in love with me, I'm a heart-breaking machine". It's just that honesty is important to me.

Vache qui rit, à moitié dans ton lit.

DETAILS ON MY PERSONALITY NOW : I live in Paris, France (Hou-là-là). SEA OTTERS ARE COOL. Sorry about that. They are cool, though.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm gonna try to write a bit less. I am very talkative on the internet. A lot less in real life.

What am I doing ? I like to write, mainly. I've studied arts, modern litterature to be more specific, as well as screenwriting. So I write a bit. I draw a bit also, mainly sea otters, but other stuff as well. I also spend a lot of my hard-earned time on facebook.

I also get my ass every morning in a fat building with a lawyer firm in it and I do shit for them and then they give me money I use on beer mainly, but on graphic novels also. If you really want to know what I do exactly in that lawyer firm, well, I'm that guy at the front desk with a stupid grin on his face who welcomes you like a robot in a perpetual bliss of fatuity.

I'm also expecting the end of the world as we know it in the few years to come, mainly because I lack faith in humanity, not individually, but on a global scale. I'm also a bit of a man-hater feminist, which is deeply sad as it would mean I hate myself a bit for being something I haven't chosen to be. Well, I will keep that for a shrink and go on with my writing this profile.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I am not good at being concise when I write, as it seems. Well let's say I'm a good friend. People find me funny usually, so let's go and say that I may be quite humorous. I'm very good at making funny noises with my fingers, and I can clap very loudly as well. I'm good at making my ears move. I can cook good eggplants lasagnas. I am more and more skilled for changing the silicon seals of my shower. The current ones are, like, perfect. I also got a bit of useless trivia. It is useless, but I find it funny. Like, did you know that the rights to the song "happy birthday" are LEGALLY OWN by some disc company ? And you need to pay them if you want to record it ? Yeah, that's true. Awesome, right ? Last but not least : when I'm drunk, I'm always the friend stupid enough to get convinced to have his penis taken in photo on the phones we find lying around in the party. So apparently, I'm also very good at being an obnoxious goofball.

Emma Bovary, à moitié dans ton lit.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
When people meet me for the first time, they usually take me either for a Belgian or a neo-fascist. SPOILER ALERT : I'm neither one. I do have a funny accent though, and I wear army boots, so there's that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Come on sexy, at that point you oughta really like me, because you've already been through, like, three pages of self-summary, and it keeps going. Hang on, stay with me a little bit more, I'm almost done.

BOOKS : Who gives a flying fuck what books I read ? I read books that are about stuff. The books I read mostly entertain me. The books that don't entertain me, I don't read. But I do read a lot of OkCupid profiles. I hope you will add mine to that "list of stuff you read" in your profile. And then if you want I can add yours in this list. And then we create a bond, which is meant to be sign of progress according to my shrink, and it will bring more visibility to each other's account. That is my best idea so far in my whole life. Hold on one moment, I have to go snort a handbag of cocaine now that I'm a publicist.

MOVIES : Sometimes I go to the movies because reasons. I also happen to watch flicks in the comforting privacy of my personal home. Enjoying movies makes me a convivial person, not to be confused with all those persons who do not enjoy movies and are therefore antipathic persons.

SHOWS : Will this go on for long ? I do watch shows. More specifically, the show "Shut Up Already With This List of Cultural Artefacts Meant to Give Me the Semblaunce Of a Cool Guy" is one of my all-time favourites.

MUSIC : Ok, even if it pains me to do so, I am going to be serious for this one. I obviously listen to the only band that matters. Which is The Clash. That, you should know. I forgive you though. Nobody can be perfect. I am also quite fond of hawaiian music. And everything with disgusting 80s synths in it is my dope. Also, this :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niEYaeYa72U

FOOD : Kill me already.

I put stuff in my mouth. Sometimes I swallow it. Most of the time it's food. There was a joke here. I made the joke work by shoving a sexual subtext in my phrasing. Jokes are fun. Let's go back to eating. I enjoy this activity as it keeps me alive in a very pleasuring way, which is coincidentally also the case for pooping. Except not really : it is the process of eating that keeps me alive, when it is the process of non-pooping that will slowly bring you to death. So technically, if both are closely linked to vital functions, they are not exactly working on the same scale. I probably enjoy eating more than I enjoy pooping though. But I would like OkCupid to add a category in the profiles : "do you prefer to eat, or to poop ?". And people would make great jokes, like "I am prefer to eat my poop LOLOLOL" et ça serait roulade de lols, galipette de mdr. O! Ye good olde jokes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1 Other people
2 Humour
3 Sea Otters
4 You, you sexy thing !
5 Internet
6 Tomato Juice

(Please notice how you are before Internet and tomato juice ! You see, you already are THAT important to me. You stay behind the sea otters, though. Sorry about that, it's, like, part of our editorial policy here at Seaottersarecool.inc ).

Now that I think about it, I'm gonna put one more here :
7 : PEPPER.
So you are before pepper as well. Aren't you glad you came on my profile ? Yes, yes you are.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Having sex with people I see in the street. Sea otters. The ecological cataclysm which will bring our civilisation in a collapse of political extremisms and economical crisis anytime now. Take a seat, it has already begun.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...drunk. What are they expecting with that question ? Thank you very much, OK Cupid, for the self-shaming questions ! Thank you ! Yeah, I drink beers with my mates, my guy-mates and my girl-mates, and then I go home with my girlfriend. CLASSIC BIZNESS.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I liked Sandrine Kiberlain's first album, "Manquait Plus qu'ça". I know it is not so private as it is shameful. Well I'm not ashamed. I like this record.

Also, I have a huge file of pedophile pics on my computer.

That was yet another joke. "Are you not entertained ?"

Ris de veau, à moitié dans le lit de Raymond Devos.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Why you should message me : You want to know more about me ; you want to meet me for a drink. (On a very strangely specific way, do not hesitate to write me if you happen to be a cute MTF girl or if you do not shave your armpits ; and you are just looking for sexual encounters without pressure. Well it seems that those two things are my two weird current sexual fetishes. Which would not mean I would not treat you as an actual and respectable person if you message me. Just... if you fit these weirdly specific descriptions, then maybe we have some convergence of interests, so I would be stupid not to mention it here. Is it not the use of a dating website ? Plus a lot of people are like "you should definitely write me if you are a 1m88 tall indie rock player with a nice beard", which is less weird, but not less specific that what I said up there. So, you know. Maybe I'm not being so strange after all).

You should not message me : As you can see, I write a lot, but try not to counterbalance that flaw by sending me a message saying just "Hi", because I will not know what to answer. Also, do not write me : if you need an answer to a mathematical problem ; if you believe ecology solely consists in the protection of cute animals ; IF YOU WEAR MOTHERFUCKING UGGs, YOU LITTLE... YOU... YOU DAMN LITTLE... WEASLY VICIOUS... YOGURT EATING DEMONA §§§§!!!!!!!!

BTW, don't play smart with me and try to message me while wearing Crocs. Just don't. I know you are better than that. Don't go that way. Please. Thank you.