Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Never petted a tiger, run a Tough Mudder, taken a bathroom selfie
or been to Machu Picchu. OKCupid admins are bound to shut me down
any second now.
I've got your/you're, then/than and its/it's on lockdown (less so
which/that). This alone puts me in, what, OKC's 85th
I tend to dream of plane crashes, wildly proportioned architecture,
invasions and other sorts of calamity. But during waking hours,
it's the little things I find most compelling.
There ARE other things I care about, I promise. Big, important
things that span continents and centuries. I just can't think of
any right now. Ask again later.
In the meantime, I'll save us the time and energy of the inevitable
question everyone seems to ask: "What are you looking for on
My innumerable conversations and dates on OKCupid have taught me
not to form preconceptions about what I'm looking for. I used to.
I've had phases of, for example, looking for something purely
physical. I've had phases of looking for someone to spend "all" my
time around. I've had phases of looking for folks to do fun things
with. But one thing that's made itself clear since starting this
ridiculous online dating venture is that preconceptions just don't
So now, I come into each new conversation and each date with a
blank slate and zero expectations. Would it be great to have some
sort of clothes-shreddingly torrid affair? If both parties are into
it, then fuck yeah it would. Would it be great to make a fantastic
new friend who brightens my life in all kinds of ways? Absolutely.
Would it be great to meet someone exciting and attractive to just
spend some time with and get to know? No doubt. Would it be great
to find The One and fall madly in love and make a whole bunch of
the most brilliant and staggeringly beautiful babies the world has
ever seen? Of course it would.
Any and all outcomes would each be great in their own way. But I
don't -- and won't -- push deliberately toward any of them until
the course makes itself clear. We meet. I talk. You talk. I laugh.
You laugh. From there it's one moment to the next, and wherever
things end up, great, it'll be a blast when we get there.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Flip cup, Minesweeper, Sudoku, Boggle..... oh, and Taboo: scary
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
1. My candor.
2. I'm nicer than you'd think I'd be, and I'm kind of
3. I'm also (way) too hard on myself. It's a puzzling conundrum
you'd have to see to believe.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
MUSIC: mid 2000s indie, early 90s rap ..... BOOKS: One Hundred
Years of Solitude - A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Guns,
Germs and Steel - A People's History of the United States - The
Great Typo Hunt - Franz Kafka: the Complete Stories - The Road to
Serfdom - Fast Food Nation - Autumn of the Patriarch - Anna
Karenina - Crime and Punishment - Madame Bovary ..... MOVIES:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Her - Beginners - Wet Hot
American Summer - Anchorman - Star Wars - Idiocracy - Akira - Dune
- Magnolia ..... TV: The Wire - Friday Night Lights - Breaking Bad
- Futurama - Louie - Archer - Mad Men - Homeland - LOST - Happy
Endings - House of Cards - Chopped
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I don't need any of this stuff. Except this ashtray, and that's the
only thing I need is this. I don't need this or this -- just this
ashtray. And this paddle game. The ashtray and the paddle game and
that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle
game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these
matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control,
and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game,
and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all I need. I
don't need one other thing. Not one. I need this chair. The paddle
game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
There are definitely sharks in every body of water bigger than a
bathtub, and they're definitely about to grab your feet every time
you climb out.
And then there's that scene in Season 3 of Louie where Liz tells
Louie that the reason he gets anxious at a roof's edge is because
part of him wants to jump. Holy fuck.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Three, maybe four, of the following: work, eat, read, drink, write,
explore, laugh, sleep -- plus sometimes an unmentionable or two
thrown in for good measure.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I suck at duvet covers. Always have.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... you know where my "Six Things" is from without having to look
... you're honest. I don't tolerate liars.
... you won't get too miffed if I correct you for saying "to try
and" or "the data is"
... you can infuriate and inspire me at the same time, and prove me
wrong on a regular basis
... our babies would make everyone we know jealous. Not that I want
you to give me babies. It's just nice to know we'd churn out some
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.