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SecretMystery75

40 Elk Grove Village, IL Man

Man

Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 32–48
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Aug 1
Orientation
Straight, Heteroflexible
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Very often
Drugs
Often
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Management
Income
More than $1,000,000
Status
Married
Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This is my picture. I'm naturally gray. I haven't been unlocked yet.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Sitting on the phone in meetings while my life ticks away one tock at a time.

Looking into the abyss and seeing a big floppy dick waving back at me.

Proscrasturbating.

Touching myself inappropriately whenever my boss is talking during meetings. I work from home, this isn't an HR issue.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Biting the hand that feeds me.

Cooking things that taste horrible.

Drinking to excess.

Enjoying my isms. Alcoholism. Sexualism. Marijuanaism. Yeah, those.

Saying things that horrify people.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm in their way and I've just farted. Actually, people notice I'm pretty tall - about 6'2" tall so I'm not a giant but I can see over most peoples heads. If you don't like big guys, move on. Tall and husky. I'm also one of those types of people that, within a minute of meeting, you think I'm either the funniest person ever or a gigantic douchebag. I'm really a specific taste personality wise. I'm a bit bipolar, a bit eccentric, I have some tics and I can't help but stare at boobs. I make fun of strangers, I assume everyone's heart is full of pure evil and no one has good intentions.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Book of the SubGenius. For all of those categories.

Favorite porn genres:
Lesbian face sitting
Fart eating
Porn Blooper compilations.
Asian bukkake watersports

Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to: Spirit Halloween catalogue.

Favorite television personality: Giada DeLaurentis' cleavage

Favorite song to put $5 in the jukebox and play repeatedly: REM's Shiny Happy People

Favorite food to watch other people eat with a creepy grin on my face: Bananas
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Air.
Booze.
Water.
Asian massage parlors.
Food.
Inconsistency
Human Sacrifice for my Llama God, Shaheezru.
A fantastic liquor salad
Trolling RWNJs.
Letting the world know what I'm thinking at any moment.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
A lot of strange shit. You know what? It's not on you to know what I spend a lot of time thinking about. Right now, I'm really thinking about Asian bukkake watersports after typing it in the box above. So don't worry about what I'm thinking about. By the time you know, I'm thinking about something else.

The joys of ADD and a bipolar personality with antisocial behavior. Trust me when I say I'm all over the board.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
As awesome as I am on any other week night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I really do have my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're not all sorts of judgey and shit.

You've seen Idiocracy. Not just the movie, but also the real world parallels.

You like having things put in things.

You enjoy putting things in things.

You hate things all together.

You have a really stupid joke that no one would find funny but it's funny to you and you need to tell someone and telling someone will open up the doors to happiness.