Positive, playful and silly, I either charm others with my dry and quirky sense of humor, or I make them hopelessly uncomfortable. Sometimes I make "women belong in the kitchen" jokes too often. Every time I use an exclamation point in work email, a little piece of my soul dies. I find it physically impossible to sleep with socks on or neglect to mention the Hamburglar whenever I see someone wearing any form of black and white stripes (robble robble). I wear flip-flops all year long. Even in the winter. Even when trudging through swamps. ESPECIALLY when trudging through swamps in the winter.
I connect most easily to others through alcohol and jokes (ergo, most interactions with humorless teetotalers are delightfully awkward). My adult-sounding job is what I do; it's not who I am. If asked about it, I'm likely to say I work in a jigsaw puzzle factory, chicken factory or zipper factory (my fake jobs tend to be quite industrial). In truth, I wear grown up clothes and sit behind a computer during the day. If you sneak up behind me, I'm a master at closing gchat or my online shopping cart and replacing it with a complicated spreadsheet and a perplexed look on my face.
I love watching scary movies, but I still cover my eyes during the really bloody parts. Too many details bore me. I hate chain restaurants unless I'm hungover or feeling campy. I have learned the hard way that you never want to hear the following phrase at work: "can I talk to you for a minute?" Followed only by, "my grandfather has that same sweater." I only trust forecasts from Weather Pup, and I will often greet a dog without ever interacting with its owner. I will never turn down an opportunity to watch Air Force One.
While I have no telltale accent, I was raised in Georgia and am southern in that I ascribe to the notion that macaroni and cheese is a vegetable. I am a morning person. I like to be busy, and I want to learn something new every day for the rest of my life. I find that oatmeal cookies and Fig Newtons are better described as punishments, rather than desserts. Sometimes when you call me, instead of listening to you, I put the phone down and flex my muscles in the mirror.
And if you made it through that eclectic introduction and still want to hear more: I'm a sucker for a tall guy with a great sense of humor.
I’m very independent and crave alone time. But I love nights out with friends, happy hours, trying new activities and making new memories. I want to be with a guy who’s equally independent, adventurous and self-assured. Sense of humor, intelligence, friendship, sensitivity and a desire to constantly improve one’s self (mentally, physically, professionally, emotionally, artistically) are qualities I look for in the opposite sex – that and anatomical accuracy. Kidding, mostly. But, no, seriously.
My ideal match in two words: Ron Swanson – a man who likes dark-haired women, music and steak. He’s got his starter marriages behind him, prefers apathy in the workplace and enjoys a good drink.