Issuing supreme power to you...one moment.

My self-summary Propose an edit

Please attempt to read my entire profile before emailing me. There's a 50/50 chance you'll either be intrigued, or totally horrified. But you should definitely figure that out now, rather than after you've written me about how much you like the photo of my cat.

WHY AM I COOL?: I'm not... but I'm really flattered that you'd think so. I can at least tell you why I don't totally suck. I can find the humor in any situation... Even vastly inappropriate ones. I can hold my breath for almost 3 minutes. I'm a photographer, filmmaker and improv comedian in spare time. I can do this weird wiggly-waggly thing with my tongue. I'm a RISK taker. (By this I mean that I'm constantly shoplifting the Parker Bros board game RISK from stores.) I have hairless cats. I'm a HUGE flirt. It takes at least 3 or 4 regular flirts to even come close to my flirt-ability. I also have a few thousand of the most interesting, eclectic and sexy friends you'll ever meet.

What I'm doing with my life Propose an edit

I'm the Head Editor and Creative Director for a "Kasidie Magazine". It's a Lifestyle magazine, so if you know what "The Lifestyle" is, kudos!... If you don't, then you should Google the name of my magazine before contacting me... trust me on that. I also write a few of the articles and columns, such as the "Ask A Vanilla" column.

Former jobs I've had in my lifetime include: Baby, Little Kid, Awkward Teenager, Big Man on Campus, Video Clerk, Pizza Man, Production Assistant, Camp Counselor, Web Designer, Magic Trick Salesman, Adult Film Editor (that's the point in my profile where about half the girls will stop reading),Tutor for Learning Disabled Kids, Graphic Designer and Filmmaker. Surprisingly, I've never been fired from a job, I've just gotten better ones... But nothing beats the job I have now.

ABOUT MY JOB: It's rare that someone's career serves as such an accurate filter for the types of people that would be interested in meeting him. I have one of those jobs. I view it as a blessing since it takes a lot of the guesswork out of this whole process. If you've bothered to look up my magazine, then you'll realize that I live a life that is anything but typical. My job is focused around the sociology, humor, fun, education and politics of sex and sexuality. Every day, thousands of people across the world are enlightened, vindicated, entertained, offended or repulsed by something that I am responsible for... It's an awesome feeling.

I'm really good at Propose an edit

Writing profile essays... yep.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me Propose an edit

I look mostly harmless... which is mostly true... mostly.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food Propose an edit

I grew up reading Douglas Adams and had my brain very much shaped by his sense of improbable logic. Nowadays I'll read anything by David Sedaris. Other than that, I like to read as many things as possible which will teach me anything I don't yet know. This could include, but is not limited to, cookbooks, civil war letters, medical textbooks, propaganda leaflets, carpentry books, Glamour Magazines, car owner's manuals, illegible skywriting, body language, failed screenplays and OKcupid profiles. My other favorite book is The Yo Momma Vocabulary Builder... But that's because I actually wrote it, so I have a certain amount of literary vanity.

My favorite films are The Odd Couple, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Waiting for Guffman and Amadeus.

My least favorite films are anything involving the people who brought us "Scary Movie."

My current favorite singer is Max Raabe. But I also love Jamiroquai, Bjork and Digital Underground. I don't really like rap or hip-hop music unless it is in french. I don't understand french, so the lyrics always sound beautiful to me no matter what they are talking about. I have a special place in my heart for They Might Be Giants as they make me nostalgic for the awkward high school student in a trench coat that I once was. There is also band that nobody has ever heard of called Marie MacGillis and the Model Millionaires. She quite possibly has the most sexually arousing voice I've ever heard.

I'll eat anything except cooked salmon, cilantro or things with BBQ sauce. I also have an aversion to warm desserts. Sweet things were never meant to be served above room temperature!

They don't ask for favorite TV shows, but I'll tell you anyway. The Daily Show, The Office, Arrested Development, Mr. Show, Swingtown, Heroes, Lost, Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job, Venture Brothers, Penn & Teller's Bullshit and Battlestar Galactica... Oh, but I decided to get rid of television several months ago. It rots your brain... So now I just watch all these online, where it doesn't rot my brain.

I also love my Xbox, but I've recently been using it only as a music player.

The six things I could never do without Propose an edit

Perfect rhythm, an impeccable sense of style, the ability to plan ahead, good short term memory, the ability to hide my emotions and a jet pack.

Unfortunately I don't actually possess ANY of these things... So it's a wonder that I can make it through the day at all!

I spend a lot of time thinking about Propose an edit

The fact that there are a bunch of other users profiles listed on the right side of this page that say "SIMILAR USERS"... I kind of resent that. There is nobody even remotely similar to me. I will stand by that statement... I'm also upset by the fact that none of them say "Less Bitchin'"

... And another thing!... I'm bothered by the fact that I somehow ended up with the "Less Loving" profile award. When I find out who gave me that, I'm gonna snuggle the shit out of them!

I also wonder if in Rome, they called the movie "5 for Vendetta"?

On a typical Friday night I am Propose an edit

I'm afraid I don't understand the question... I'm not familiar with the term "typical" Friday night.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here Propose an edit

I sleep with a stuffed monkey.

Also, I once got a Viagra stuck up my nose... funny story.

I always eat Triscuit crackers with the salty side down.

You should message me if Propose an edit

If you easily get jealous, stop reading now! The very nature of my career means that I'm constantly surrounded by some of the most extraordinary women (and men) you'll ever meet. But if you are an extraordinary person who likes meeting other extraordinary people, then you may be in for some amazing experiences by hanging around me. I'm looking for someone willing to cause lots of trouble with me. I'm a sucker for creativity and talent! If you draw, sing, play an instrument, paint, write, act or perform comedy, or look good in a Wonder Woman outfit, you won't have any difficulty having your way with me. I'd like to meet people who are not offended at the drop of a hat and never take themselves too seriously. Sense of humor is a must! You don't have to laugh at all my jokes, just as long as you appreciate the mere fact that I was trying to get a giggle out of you. If you can make me laugh, then I'll like you... a lot! Be very open minded. I've done (and continue to do) a lot of things in my life that would make the Pope throw up his arms and say "Forget this crap, I give up!". Honesty is a must... I try to be an honest an upfront person, I expect the same from those I choose to spend my time with. No secret is worth keeping from someone you respect... Unless it's my Mom. There's a whole world of things I'm never telling her about.

Please don't contact me if your profile says something like, "Looking for true love", "Searching for Mr. Right" or "Trying to find my soul mate". Let me be clear that I'm not opposed to the ideas of "True Love" or "Soul Mates". Quite the opposite. In fact, I really hope that I find my "One" someday... but I'm VERY opposed to the idea of someone actively "searching" for that. I believe these are things that evolve naturally, or appear when you least expect. If you rule out every person that you think isn't "The One", you will undoubtedly be missing out on some of the most unexpected, enlightening, interesting, joyful, stimulating and wonderful people & experiences of your life... But if you stop focusing on your specific relationship goal and take the time to smell the roses, eventually, when you least expect it, you'll find "The One" that you weren't even look for... At least that's what I believe... but what the hell do I know? I'm the idiot who once got a Viagra stuck up his nose.

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