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36 M Los Angeles, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–39
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Sep 18
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Atheism, and laughing about it
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Please attempt to read my entire profile before emailing me. There's a 50/50 chance you'll either be intrigued, totally horrified or just disappointed... I guess that would technically be a 50/50/50 chance (I've never been good with fractions). But you should definitely figure that out before you've written me about how much you like the photo of my cat.

WHY AM I COOL?: I'm not... but I'm really flattered that you'd think so. I can at least tell you why I don't totally suck. I can find the humor in any situation... Even vastly inappropriate ones. I can hold my breath for almost 3 minutes. I'm a photographer, filmmaker and improv comedian in spare time. I can do this weird wiggly-waggly thing with my tongue. I'm a RISK taker (By this I mean that I'm constantly shoplifting the Parker Bros board game RISK from stores.). I'm a HUGE flirt. It takes at least 3 or 4 regular flirts to even come close to my flirt-ability. I also have a few thousand of the most interesting, eclectic and sexy friends you'll ever meet.

I am warning you, read my profile, and you may get sexier!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm the Creative Director for Kasidie. It's a lifestyle site, so if you know what "The Lifestyle" is, kudos!... If you don't, then you should Google the name of my company before contacting me... trust me on that. I also wrote many of the articles and columns for Kasidie's Magazine, such as the "Ask A Vanilla" column. I also do all matter of creative freelance work for various other lifestyle related businesses around the country. You might say, I'm in a niche field. Please keep in mind that my career field does not define me, my lifestyle or my relationships. Those are all choices I make myself and change with time, circumstance and new experiences.

Former jobs I've had in my lifetime include: Baby, Little Kid, Awkward Teenager, Big Man on Campus, Video Clerk, Pizza Man, Production Assistant, Camp Counselor, Web Designer, Magic Trick Salesman, Adult Film Editor (that's the point in my profile where about half the girls will stop reading),Tutor for Learning Disabled Kids, Graphic Designer and Filmmaker. Surprisingly, I've never been fired from a job, I've just gotten better ones.

ABOUT MY WORK: It's rare that someone's career serves as such an accurate filter for the types of people that would be interested in meeting him. I have one of those jobs. I view it as a blessing since it takes a lot of the guesswork out of this whole process. If you've bothered to look up my company or magazine, then you'll realize that my life is far from typical. My job is focused around the sociology, humor, fun, education and politics of sex and sexuality. Every day, thousands of people across the world are enlightened, vindicated, entertained, offended or repulsed by something that I was responsible for... It's an awesome feeling.

I also design and write children's books... No, they are not Lifestyle related... you sicko.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing profile essays... yep.

I'll totally kick your ass at Scrabble or Boggle... provided you let me make up words.

Avoiding eating foods that contain High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Preparing for Burning Man.

Time Travel:
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I look mostly harmless... which is mostly true... mostly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I grew up reading Douglas Adams and had my brain very much shaped by his sense of improbable logic. Nowadays I'll read anything by David Sedaris. Other than that, I like to read as many things as possible which will teach me anything I don't yet know. This could include, but is not limited to, cookbooks, civil war letters, medical textbooks, propaganda leaflets, carpentry books, Glamor Magazines, car owner's manuals, illegible skywriting, body language, failed screenplays and OKcupid profiles. My other favorite book is The Yo Momma Vocabulary Builder... But that's
because I actually wrote it, so I have a certain amount of literary vanity.

Some of my favorite films are The Odd Couple, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Waiting for Guffman and Amadeus. But my #1 favorite film is a very obscure documentary called Gizmo. That film makes me proud to be a human being.

My least favorite films are anything involving the people who
brought us "Scary Movie."

I've been musically challenged most of my life, however I've been developing an appreciation for it in the past few years. My current favorite singer is Max Raabe, Jamiroquai, Bjork, Digital Underground, Hot Chip, Flaming Lips, Sebastien Tellier. I don't really like rap or hip-hop music unless it is in French. I don't understand French, so the lyrics always sound beautiful to me no matter what they are talking about. I have a special place in my heart for They Might Be Giants as they make me nostalgic for the awkward high school student in a trench coat that I once was. There is also a singer few have heard of named Marie MacGillis. She has the most sexually arousing voice I've ever heard.

I'll eat anything except cooked salmon, cilantro or things with BBQ sauce on them. I also have an aversion to warm desserts. Sweet things were never meant to be served above room temperature!

Favorite shows include The Daily Show,
Arrested Development, Mr. Show, The IT Crowd, Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job, Venture Brothers, Penn & Teller's Bullshit, Flight of the Conchords, Dexter, That Mitchell and Webb Look, Peep Show, Battlestar Galactica, anything Ricky Gervais had a hand in, and last but certainly not least, Doctor Who... Oh, but I decided to get rid of television a couple of years ago. It rots your brain... So now I just watch all these things online, where it does not rot my brain. Something to do with my wifi's brain-rotting firewall.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Perfect rhythm, an impeccable sense of style, the ability to plan ahead, good short term memory, the ability to hide my emotions and a jet pack.

Unfortunately I don't actually possess ANY of these things... So it's a wonder that I can make it through the day at all!

Also, my slave. Luckily I have that covered.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The fact that there are a bunch of other users profiles listed on the right side of this page that say "SIMILAR USERS"... I kind of resent that. There is nobody even remotely similar to me. I will stand by that statement... I'm also upset by the fact that none of them say "Less Totally Bitchin'"

... And another thing!... I'm bothered by the fact that I somehow ended up with the "Less Loving" profile award. When I find out who gave me that, I'm gonna snuggle the shit out of them!

Lastly, when did it suddenly become so trendy for cute girls to wear fake mustaches in their profile photos?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I treat every night as if it were Friday night. I tried treating every night like it was Saturday night, but it almost killed me. So I scaled it back to Friday.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I sleep with a stuffed monkey.

I always eat Triscuit crackers with the salty side down.

I like to eat frozen grapes in the bathtub while watching Adult Swim.

I recently glued googley eyes on my Roomba. I need help naming him. I've narrowed the choices down to: George Cleany, Dustin' Huffman, Scrooge McSuck, or Vlad the Inhaler. What's you vote?

My OKC Dating Persona test result is uncannily accurate.

My safe word is Jambalaya.

Watching Glee makes me really happy.

I know nothing about professional sports, nor do I care to learn. I guess I have a hard time understanding why I should get excited over someone else's physical accomplishments. I'm pretty sure nobody on the Broncos cares when I score a hole-in-one playing putt-putt.

I also have a profile on Fetlife... just sayin'

My playa name is Innuendo.

I once got a Viagra stuck up my nose... funny story, if you'd like to ask.

I admit to far too many private things.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you easily get jealous, stop reading now! The nature of my life and career means that I'm often surrounded by some of the most extraordinary women (and men) you'll ever meet. But if you are an extraordinary person who likes meeting other extraordinary people, then you may be in for some amazing experiences by hanging around me.

I'm looking for people willing to cause lots of trouble with me. I'm a sucker for creativity and talent! If you draw, sing, play an instrument, paint, write, act or perform comedy, or look good in a Wonder Woman outfit, you won't have any difficulty having your way with me.

I'd like to meet people who are not offended at the drop of a hat and never take themselves too seriously. Sense of humor is a must! You don't have to laugh at all my jokes, just as long as you appreciate the mere fact that I was trying to get a giggle out of you. If you can make me laugh, then I'll like you... a lot!

Be very open minded. I've done (and continue to do) a lot of things in my life that would make the Pope throw up his arms and say "Forget this crap, I give up!". Honesty is a must... I try to be an honest an upfront person, I expect the same from those I choose to spend my time with. No secret is worth keeping from someone you respect... Unless it's my Mom. There's a whole world of things I'm never telling her about.

You might not want to contact me if your profile says something like, "Looking for true love", "Searching for Mr. Right" or "Trying to find my soul mate". Let me be clear... I'm not opposed to the ideas of "True Love" or "Soul Mates". Quite the opposite. While I really hope I might one day meet the person who makes me feel that way, I'm VERY opposed to the idea of actively "searching" for that person. I believe that something as especially important as unconditional love will evolve naturally, or appear when you least expect it. But until it does, if you rule out every person who you think isn't "The One", you will undoubtedly be missing out on some of the most unexpected, enlightening, interesting, joyful, stimulating, sensual and wonderful people & experiences of your life... But if you stop focusing your particular shopping list for a specific mate and actually take the time to smell the roses, eventually, when you least expect it, you'll likely find "The One" that you weren't even looking for... At least that's what I believe... but what the hell do I know? I'm the idiot who once got a Viagra stuck up his nose.

You also need to be ok with the fact that I am in a loving relationship with my slave... Oh, and that I have a slave (maybe I should have mentioned that part first).

While I understand that some of the preceding paragraphs may be deal breakers for the average OKCupid user, it's been my experience that those of who you who are interested enough to bother reading my entire profile, are usually far from average. If I'm describing you, then contact me. What's the worst that could happen?...

Also, if you go to Burning Man or Flipside, I'm probably already your friend.