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ShadowSeeksSun

36 F Fishers, IN

My Details

Last Online
Mar 13
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White, Other
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Religion
Buddhism, and laughing about it
Sign
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Education
University
Job
Medicine
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I'm here mainly looking for people with heart, of the courageous, kind, yet discriminating sort. Practicing empathy, compassion, and considerate perceptiveness are important to me in both directions. Intelligence, curiosity, poetry, playfulness, and originality are also very important. Would be lovely to have a long-term or lifetime relationship, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that right now (see below where I reveal perhaps too much for most). I'd love to make some good friends, and who knows, if it's extraordinary, maybe more.

Switched back to electronic cigarettes recently, so technically I "vape". I'd like to quit vaping soon, but am not going to rush myself.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm starting up a bodywork practice (I used to have a very successful massage therapy practice in California). I've created a software program to analyze a person's pain patterns (and other symptoms), which results in a rated list of specific locations of potential muscle tension. My practice is in the infant (more like fetus) stage.

I have a massage certificate (though not enough hours to practice in Indiana nowadays - I have to call it "bodywork") and I've taken many college classes at several colleges and universities. I probably have an actual AA in there and the knowledge level equivalent of a Bachelor's, maybe close to a MA. "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." Yeah, very me. And I must admit I can be rather undisciplined, though also voracious when it comes to knowledge. Mostly psychology, and a little IT and philosophy.

Right now I'm living with my mom. It started as me helping her (the reason is personal to her - I'll share when we build enough trust). I've since figured out ways to help her without living with her, but now she's helping me financially to begin my bodywork practice, and living rent-free is part of that. Hopefully soon to change.
I’m really good at
I'm a bit of a Jill of all trades, though I'm particularly good at massage, writing, acting, analyzing, research, dreamwork, coming up with big over-the-top grand redonculous ideas, appreciating art, and dance. "Particularly good" doesn't imply great, though I'm confident in saying I'm very talented at massage.
The first things people usually notice about me
Not sure what they notice first, but things people have commented on first are my eyes, intelligence, voice (kinda deep), humor, intensity, legs, narrow frame, and feeling surprisingly safe with me. Strangers tend to tell me their deep dark secrets, usually involving their traumas, so it seems they notice I'm compassionate, open, and/or think I'm a pushover.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Integral Psychology by Ken Wilber, Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates by Tom Robbins, Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb, Art to Choke Hearts and Pissing in the Gene Pool by Henry Rollins, A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle, Transfigurations by Alex Grey, Making Human Beings Human: Bioecological Perspectives on Human Development by Urie Bronfenbrenner, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks, Faeries by Brian Froud, The World And Other Places by Jeanette Winterson, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass, Assylums by Erving Goffman, The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Movies: The Secretary, American Beauty, Pi, The Secret of NIMH, Grosse Pointe Blank, Slam, Fight Club, Shrek 2, Pan's Labyrinth, Lost Highway, Six Degrees of Separation, The Princess Bride, The Dark Crystal, Like Water for Chocolate

Shows: Six Feet Under, Dexter, The United States of Tara, The Walking Dead, Big Bang Theory, Wilfred, Firefly, Planet Earth, Inside Comedy, Sexual Healing, Northern Exposure, The Booth At The End, Lucky Louie, Sex God Rock 'n Roll, Twin Peaks, American Horror Story, The West Wing

Music: Tons of types, but few musicians within each. Eclectically picky. Some I enjoy are Tool, Tori Amos, Stuart Davis, Ani Difranco, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, Charles Mingus, BB King, Otis Redding, Willie Dixon, The Reverend Horton Heat, KT Tunstall, Morphine, Nirvana, Soul Coughing, Leonard Cohen, Slint, Clutch, Devo, Dido, Berlioz, Miles Davis, Jimmy Hendrix, Crosspulse, Yo-Yo Ma.

Food: Everything, especially my grandma's Italian. Sushi and Indian are big favorites.
The six things I could never do without
Psh! I refuse to answer this. :) You get a poem I've recently enjoyed instead. The metaphor of "six" must have some relation. If you're a wacky poet, please do let me know what.

I do not crush the world's corolla of wonders
and I do not kill
with my mind the secrets I encounter
in my way
in flowers or in eyes, on lips or tombs.

The light of others
chokes the spell of the arcane hidden
in depths of dark
but I
with my own light I heighten the world's mystery

and just as with its white beams the moon
does not abate, but quivering
increases the secrets of the night,
so I enrich the dark horizon
with ample shivers of holy mystery,

and all that's recondite
gains greater depths
under my very eyes -
for I do love
the flowers, and the eyes, and lips, and tombs.

-Lucian Blaga
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Mindfulness...yeah, kinda an oxymoron. I'm less of a Buddhist and more of a student of mindfulness. This was a great article on mindfulness and neuroscience: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-rock/the-neuroscience-of-mindf_b_2908665.html

Regarding spirituality: I go back and forth, but I explore what I've experienced, which is beyond what seems ordinary, though I hesitate to call it spiritual. It's a feeling, a warmth that fills me sometimes (which I cultivate). It's wonder at art or simple things, like the way I feel like I'm soaring with a bird when I watch it, or how poetry can lift me out of myself yet deeper into myself at the same time. I also have experienced many "psychic" phenomena that I can't explain and were so specific and personal that it's apparent there's something going on, but I don't know what. I tend to think it's like the quote I'm not remembering, about what is not yet understood seems like magic. I like mystery. I like discovery. I also like the scientific approach to these things, which can be combined with wonder and some theoretical musing that is exciting. I'm open yet discriminating and actively explore with meditation and other practices.

"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery — even if mixed with fear — that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man." ~ Albert Einstein
On a typical Friday night I am
Continuing to be a hermit or on much less frequent occasion having a usually low-key time with a friend or small group. I can enjoy large gatherings, but it's a rare mood.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), mostly from childhood emotional trauma from a schizophrenic stepmother who was quite capable of murder and had her eye on me...not trying to be dramatic, but that was the unfortunate situation. My last therapist thought it was "middle class white girl trauma", but as she learned more, she dubbed it "Alfred Hitchcock trauma". She recommended that I watch "Mommie Dearest". I've watched clips, but haven't felt quite in the place to watch the whole thing - it's intense how her energy reminds me of my stepmother. So, I can go into fight or flight mode (not violent), and a disdainful mode, but I work at getting healthier and I've come very far.

I'm slowly coming out of a difficult period over the last few years involving disappointments, depression and isolation. This goes in waves, but generally up. Not looking for a savior, but a partner who's on a path they'd like support on, as well. Unfortunately, my anxiety can be limiting at times, though when I feel safe with someone, I become a big goofball, much more graceful, and very interactive. My anxiety will probably come out quite a bit when I first meet someone, as in a shaking voice, lack of eye contact, blushing, and being vewy vewy qwiet. Personal, internal growth is very important to me and I like to share the path with people I am truly intimate with. If you have questions, feel free to ask. I'm pretty open about it.
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 25–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're humble, caring, perceptive, discriminating, intelligent, playful, enjoy mutual generosity, seek intimacy with yourself and select others, and are interested in seeing if we can build a friendship primarily, and perhaps more.