ShazamSF
42 Chicago, IL
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ShazamSF
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My self-summary
Warning: I have honed this profile after having numerous experiences, some of which were not positive. I've come to the conclusion that I should have trusted OkC's numbers and not interacted with people who were not good matches. So before you message me, see what the OkC gods say about our probability of getting along, and don't bother sending a message if we're less than a 75% match.

I'm simple but people think I'm deep. I love to cook. I loved my dogs (RIP) and I continue to love my cat. I think picky eaters are boring people.

I'm blunt. Let's get to the point, which means meeting IN PERSON. It does not mean chatting online or talking on the phone. I've found that meeting face-to-face is the only way for me to accurately gauge interest.

I am smart, sarcastic, and sexual. I am not, however, a redhead. If you have fantasies about Tom Robbins' ginger carpet or drapes I am not the lady for you.

I do not care about sports. At all. No fantasy sports, no "real" sports. No sports. I don't care about baseball, football, hockey, curling, basketball, softball, soccer, jai alai, biathlon. None of them.

Have been told I have nympho goofball energy (by someone who likes fucking me). I am intense and sexually aggressive (as said by someone else who likes fucking me), which means scratching and biting, among some other fun things. Have been shown to be a squirter by … the ones with whom I squirt (waterproof mattress pads are great things).
What I’m doing with my life
I'm NOT looking to settle down because there's no such thing as that. No one "grows out" of anything; we have phases throughout our lives. I am having fun exploring Chicago.

I live in Chicago. I have no interest in meeting people who do not live in Chicago because I'm not willing to go to you, and I don't want you to pollute the air getting to me.

I'm looking for regulars who are willing to meet up one night a week or so for good conversation about tv, movies, a bit of politics, some food, and anything else that mutually interests us. Conversation will be fueled by alcohol and weed, and then culminate in good sex. What I'm doing with my life is looking for good sex and good conversation in the same person(s).
I’m really good at
I can definitively say I am a good cook, a decent writer, a social butterfly (with some liquid courage), and an enthusiastic comer.
The first things people usually notice about me
People usually notice that I'm loud and that I talk about sex all the time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Infinite Jest, Magnolia, Three Kings, It's All Gone Pete Tong, Pixies, PJ Harvey, Hotel Costes, Massive Attack, Pink Martini, Patti Smith, Black Sabbath, and other good stuff.
I read a lot of books, mostly contemporary (ish) fiction. I would post my library check out history but that's protected by the First Amendment, something I think is pretty fucking important.

I find the host of "Raw. Vegan. Not Gross." (on Tastemade if you have AppleTV) especially alluring because I like a bit dorky and punny, and she has gorgeous hair.

1/16: "Fargo," "Mozart in the Jungle," "This Old House," "The Americans," embarrassingly, the "Chicago" shows but I swear I'm watching for eye candy and recognized locales. "A Chef's Life," "BBQ with Franklin," "Call the Midwife," "The Bletchley Circle." And "Dowton Abbey."

Basically, I'm a tv nerd.

I listen to a shit ton of podcasts on subjects from comedy, sick and disgusting news stories, food, to movies, and a few things in between. Really, my primary form of entertainment is podcasts. Mostly very un-PC humor, which means I'm evil-ish.

I love food. I cook it, I eat it, I shop for it, I write about it. If we can't talk about food b/c you don't know anything about it, you best have a hell of a lot to offer that will distract me from that fact.
The six things I could never do without
Vision correction, lip moisturizer, lotion, vodka, brain stimulation, lube.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Sex. No, not with you.
On a typical Friday night I am
Volunteering for the ACLU regarding abortion rights. Probably staying in w/my partner. Or having a threesome. Definitely the first (it's scheduled), and quite amenable to the other two.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I wear a night guard.
You should message me if
Only the generous need apply. I know it's not fair, but neither is the world; this is one of the few areas where I, as a woman, have the advantage. I won't bring any form of currency when we meet, so be prepared to pay for everything.

If you don't expect to fuck at the first meeting. A "meeting" is over a drink or two – for which you will pay – with some conversation where there is absolutely no pressure find a place to fuck, a.k.a., chemistry check. A "date," where there will be fucking, happens after that.

If you can host and/or get your shit together enough to figure out a civilized place for us to have "relations," should it come to that. You can understand that I don't have a car, don't want a car, and am in no way willing to go to the 'burbs; a two hour train trip is not foreplay.

If you know the difference between its and it's; there, they're, and their; your and you're; further and farther; and know what this [ – ] is called. If you know that "alot" is not a word. If, even texting, you don't use "b," "r," "u," or "2" as words. If you don't use emoticons and if you don't think "lol" should be used, ever.

If you don't want a girlfriend, potential wife, or someone to talk to about your girlfriend or wife. However, talking about how wonderful your partner with whom you're in an open relationship is always welcome. Cheaters need not apply.

If you're a chick or a chick and a dude.

If you're not a fucking flake. If, after seeing in person that I'm "not your type," you have the decency to buy a girl a drink and have a conversation.

You can send messages of substance. Asking me how my weekend/night/day is going is not substantive. The single word message is not substantive. Telling me I look good in my photos is not substantive. I know they're good photos, that's why I posted them. Demonstrating that you know how to read by spelling correctly, commenting on something in my profile, or mentioning something interesting will probably get a response; any of the above will not.

You can send a message that isn't temporal. If you mention that I'm "up late" I'll just think you're my mother [NOT sexy]. Sometimes I leave OkC "open;" sometimes you think I'm interested in chatting. Either way: no.

JUST IN CASE YOU CAN ONLY READ THE TEXT VERSION OF YELLING: I HAVE NO FUCKING INTEREST IN ANYONE IN THE BURBS. THERE'S A REASON I LIVE IN A REAL CITY WITH PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF EVERYONE ELSE IN THE MIDWEST, INCLUDING YOU, HAS A FUCKING CAR, IF YOU DON'T LIVE IN CHICAGO DON'T FUCKING BOTHER.
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