Are you tired of those douchebags that cheat on you? Well today you are in luck. I am a douchebag that won't cheat on you. However I am still a douchebag.

People claim you can't know who they are by reading their profile not because they can't put it in their profile but because they don't have the guts to put it in their profile. This who I am. I hope I prove to have the guts.

I like to run the hell away from people. That includes women.

WARNING!!! EXTREME ANGER, MISSING COMMAS AND TOPIC CHANGING AHEAD!!! I am pretty sure this is the longest profile in the world. I am going for shock value here. I really don't think I am going to be able to actually find a woman that can tolerate my opinionated personality so here it goes...ADHD PROFILE... Don't read too much into the profanity. Remember people that cuss words are typically just guttural sounds from foreign languages. The Bible doesn't contain a list of modern profanity. I do not cuss very often in everyday life because people consider this socially unacceptable for some reason.

The internet is full of stupid blogs and articles about if you are my age and still a virgin there must be something wrong with you. So let me get this straight. If I stick it in a fleshy hole I am now normal? Its going to take a bunch more than that to fix my problems lol. Flesh is not the answer. Drugs and a straight jacket might be.

You bore me and I am probably nothing like you. Punch me in the face rinse and repeat. I teeter from the appearance of "normal" to borderline insanity. I am not crazy but I am atypical. I am defiant when it comes to something that goes against my moral code. I do not bend according to the will of others. I am only obedient when others commands are in line with my conscience. My job goes against my conscience so I pretend to do it. If I had to explain myself in a short essay in which obviously I don't know how to do I would say I am intense spiritually and apathetic about worldly things.

I drink almond milk sometimes because I am bad ass. I am a rebel and I am not concerned with your english rules. That is why I didn't capitolize "english" and just misspelled capitolize. Hardcore to the max. I have bad grammar and I am not chivelrous. I am a double zero threat.

You think wine tasting is fun? Seriously? It is as fun as being wine drunk. Do you like feeling paralyzed? How did wine drinking become so classy? By the way I drink wine out of the bottle like my almond milk because .....see above

Something not important about me...I am German, Jew with some French and a drop of Blackfoot. Everybody has a drop of Indian and Jew. The Jew in me demands reparations from my bigger half.

I work for the government and I am not here to help. That's just what they want me to say. I love testing the limits of political correctness. You can be politically incorrect but still be correct. People have forgotten what morality actually means. We think morality is what lawyers tell us it is. That's asking the devil what it takes to be a righteous person. God gave you a conscience. Use it. Don't be a tool. I laugh at the idea that people claim that their is strength in diversity. They obviously never worked on ag land with a bunch of Spanish speakers. There is weakness in diversity when you can't communicate. I am sure I have been exposed to many pesticides thanks to diversity.

I don't like to date. Its like hanging on the monkey bars and expecting not to look like a monkey. Every so often women find monkeys attractive. Dating puts two people in a place that forces expectations on each other like the monkey bars. I haven't been on the monkey bars in a long time. I guess I better jump back on them. Maybe that's my problem? If I wanted to date full time I would join the circus.

I am one of those guys that tries to respect your physical boundaries so much you will want to slap me in my boundary respecting face.

There is a part of me that wants a partner and there is an evil part of me that loves being single.

I typically feel like I end up treating a woman who I am dating like she is my daughter because I am constantly scolding her. That won't work.

Your money burns like paper because that's all it is.

The reason why there are so many assholes in Massachusetts is because every time someone does something stupid while driving an asshole is born inside state lines. This explains the large asshole population in Worcester. So long Worcester! See you never!

People initially don't like me. In fact they hate me. After a while they admit I am growing on them. I have had several people admit to it. I am like that disgusting looking dish of food that you hesitate to eat. I just have to convince you to take a bite. Screw it. I don't have to convince you. I am just that badass

Women put way to much expectations on men these days. Women see faults even in the most perfect men. I would like to take this time to point to myself.

I have lived on the east coast, west coast, gulf coast, no coast, your coast.

The laws of attraction are a b

I believe God is real not because my mind believes an illusion but because my mind can't believe what my eyes can see

People don't know the difference between judgement and discernment.

I am discouraged in the humanity of humanity everyday

People move on and I move away.

Keep those stupid liberal emails a coming

Living my life to the emptiest.

Senior citizens are living the American dream for me so I don't have to. Thanks a bunch that's a load off my mind.

Taking an emotional beating and taking credit for others mistakes, because they are too much of a pansy to admit wrongdoing.

Hating this backwards equality bullshit. We only make an issue of race and sex because we are looking for a handout. People should be hired based on a number to hide their identity. Women and men and other races will never make exactly the same. That would be an amazing number fluke if they did.

Writing long drawn out thoughts that only I can understand or care about.

Who the hell does that guy think he is?
That guy is strange he must of been homeschooled

Just metal. What did you expect?

Tool, Sybreed, Soilwork, MyGrain, Interbeing, Mnemic, S.O.D., Scar Symmetry etc.I find metal euphoric.

The best movie ever is Despicable Me because it mixes a children's animated movie with reality. Kids need to understand budgets etc lol

Finding the government dysfunctional +5 more and my family which one day I may have to learn to live and die without.

All these boring generic profiles.

a bunch of things......rants of mine

How do women find Mick Jagger attractive? He is an old ugly mother fucker. He looks like a tree and the tales from the crypt story teller had a baby.

How could I have so many horrible relatives?

We live in excess ..we will die in excess.

Life catches up with you and then death finishes you off. Finish Him!!

Why people pay for skin cancer and lay out on the beach to grow it. It seems so stupid to burn your skin just to look "exotic". I guess the exotic look is to die for

I think we should outlaw guns all over the world and require war and other potentially violent disputes to be solved with battles of nerf steel and nerf arrow blasters. The side that has the most points based on exhaustion time plus affliction points wins.. Points will be given to both teams to offset exhaustion points. Five points per hit will be awarded to the afflicting team of nerf steel and arrows. Sounds retarded doesn't it? That was a rhetorical question.

The saying "guns kill people" is not true. I have never seen a gun pick up another gun and shoot someone..

How can people enjoy life when life seems to be so horrible. The world consumes us with selfishness and stupidity. My morality is looked at by many women as something to be ashamed of but its actually the opposite because this world is backwards and people are like sheep to a mass sacrifice. They are weak with no moral goal. They are crushed by their own selfish stupidity.

People borrow money for useless objects just to subject themselves to a useless and wasted life. Their life blood is drained by credit ratings and materalistic gain. Are you one of these people? If so don't email me. You are a child that never grew up. Your toys just got bigger and your heart grew empty.

Love is patient love is kind...but most love is just stupid.

A girl will not kiss a bug but she will let a dog lick her in the face just after it thoroughly licked its own ass.

The problem with a system. When you outlaw something to those that shouldn't have that something still get it and those that should have that something don't get it because they are concerned about breaking the law. Hint hint...car insurance and gun control. Reality is a bitch isn't it. Make all guns only available to those with no felonies and stop taking risk out of crashing your car lol. Live a little

Being Gothic is silly. The main thought behind being Gothic is being a non conformist but yet they all look the same. Makeup and chains.

Why do we say and do the things that we do?

I like how the first thing that comes out of a dog owners mouth is "he won't bite hes harmless". Your dog has teeth and a jaw and he can bite. Dog owners need to keep their dogs on a leash and away from others. This country is being overcome by dogs.

What makes mayor Bloomberg so stupid. Just because a big gulp is illegal doesn't mean I couldn't save the cup and fill it with 2 cups. The mayor claims that two cups gives the person the ability to make the conscious decision to buy more drink from cup to cup. So I guess this means when someone buys a large sugary drink bigger than 16 ounces they make a unconscious decision? I thought unconscious decisions are made when people borrow money to buy houses they cant afford. Ice-cream is a liquid when its melted. we need to regulate that too. I work with people who are soo stupid they actually think outlawing everything would benefit them in some way. I hear obese people telling me they like that idea because people are too dumb to make that decision on their own. I guess they just called themselves dumb. This is the liberal idea.

Humanitarian efforts can be unhumanitarian (I made this word up). Lets use humanitarian efforts in Haiti as an example. We feed the starving in places like these now but we will not always be there. One day our humanitarian efforts will cause more suffering than it saved. Feeding people who were suffering gives them the ability to thrive and reproduce presently. Instead of 1 person suffering we will have 10 or more people starving in the future. We all know Haiti is still suffering though. Often the people in the country have to change their own regime and and their way of life completely to be a true humanitarian. We have to let them save themselves because we will not always have the money to throw at them. Welfare does not give people the incentive to change. Welfare makes people comfortable in situations that should be uncomfortable and restrict beneficial change.

Does voting for 1 of 2 candidates that were selected by the government make this a democracy? American Idol voting must be anarchy then.

Why do people use what alcohol they like to identify themselves from the the rest of the group? This is so funny to me. I like milk on the rocks. That makes you my bitch.

Gaydar is useless to me. It doesn't matter if he is gay or not because you never sleep with guys..derrr.. If you are a heterosexual man contact with gay men is not a problem because you never even touch them. I would prefer a slut detector. It would need to be user friendly and mobile so you could fit it in the palm of your hand much like an iPod except it would have to work. "Whoredar" would be a much more marketable and useful tool. Something that would give you a quick STD disease count and a slut level much like a thetan level in Scientology.The difference between my tool and thetan levels though is I wouldn't want my slut level test to be bullshit. That's right I am a germaphobe.

I hate section 8. I make too much money to be able to enjoy the luxuries poor people deserve to enjoy. [=]=[=]Segregation[=]=[=] We still have ghettos. They just don't always have a fence. This country has spent many years being critical of communism just to turn around and be the same redhead political step child of Russia and China

Why black people have this idea that they were the only race that was subjected to slavery. They also think because I am white I must of had ancestors that were slave owners. I got news for all the black people out there. Just because I am white does not mean I have cracker ancestors. That would be an irrational thought. I don't know how many black people tell me I owe them something because my ancestors mistreated them. My ancestors came from Canada for hells sake. He came from Germany in the 1800s and couldn't even afford a boat ticket so he was a stowaway. All I can say is you racist motherfuckers.

Why women email you once like they are interested and then don't bother sending another one.

Why are Patriot fans so fat? You are killing yourself and my insurance premiums. I might insult your size but you insult my checkbook. Who uses checks these days?

I dislike sports. I think the idea that adults getting paid tons of money to do something they could do as kids is stupid. We admire athletes but these are the same ***holes that gave us sh*t in school (I was home-schooled so...no I never was abused) and are criminals. Athletes are simply criminals with resources. That's why the NFL still has players. Why do we value someone running a ball from one side of the field to another? Who gives a shit. Sports mean nothing and to be a fan doesn't make you part of the team. The players don't care about you so why should you care about them more than anyone else? Sports are moments in time quickly forgotten. They are forgotten because sports only makes historical moments they never make history. History changes our lives. Sports just makes us feel like it changed our lives. It really only changes our lives if we think it does. Athletes are not a solution they are a waste. Sports gives young idiots a chance to make crazy amounts of money. Its like no child left behind. Unfortunatly wealth is also a state of mind. No matter how much money you give a dumbass he will always be poor. Lets stop wasting our lives!! Boycott professional sports!!! Latest update is that a bunch of NFL players are suing the NFL because it did inform them of the dangers of being knocked out. Dumbfuckers got knocked the fuck out in high-school and college first. They never had any sense. You start telling me how you remember some great moment in sports I will smack you in the proverbial mouth.

Your body can tell you that you are pregnant before you can. I heard this in a commercial. That makes so much sense. Now I know why women lose their minds when they get pregnant. Their body is talking to them!!! I would lose my mind too if my body started telling me stuff.

Why people lose their self esteem when they get rejected in relationships. It's about finding that right person for you. This simply means almost everyone you meet should reject you because we are all special like snowflakes. Okay I just got a little carried away on the special.

Science is godless because it has no accommodations for faith. Having said that the science community still accepts the faith of evolution. Evolution uses comparisons to prove an action. There is no evidence that the action of evolution ever occurred because we were not there to observe it. Evolution cannot be observed so it is not science. I know that was boring but I had to get that off my chest.

I don't care for alcohol. That's just another marketing trick.

I dislike reading profiles but I do it anyway. After reading them I can't figure out if I met anyone new. All the profiles read the same. Are all women the same? Are all they are superficial cloned pretend people who say they love life, live their life to the fullest, love to laugh, hate writing profiles, have an iPhone as a 3rd hand and they love to get emails that are inspiring even though their profile doesn't even spark and ounce of inspiration. Spelling is more important to women these days than true love. I think women forget men are more logical and not grammatical. I guess women are not looking for a man after all. They need to change their profile. Women who put that much interest in spelling and grammatical errors bore me. If you are that petty you should stay single.

What makes Carrie Underwood the whitest woman on the planet?

Why do we equate the word "nigger" with black people? Negro means black you dumb-asses. "Nigger" originally meant a person who is cheap or a miser. The people that made this word politically incorrect because they equated the word with black people were racist attorneys. Either that or he or she just needed to drum up business. Times are tough when you run out of things to sue for.

As harmless as I think Buddhism is I think its a load of crap. The whole basis for Buddhism is to get rid of the self. Or to become selfless to make this make sense. The funny thing is that the whole reason you are doing this in the first place is because your self exists. Self will always raise its ugly head. Buddhism is not possible

Grab your money smear that makeup on your face pretend to be perfect and enjoy the temporary lap of luxury and an eternity of misery.

When most people tread lightly I tread like a moose.

Life is short and then it gets tall like a mountain gorilla and kills you.

Bisexual is a term used to explain people who are confused and horny.

People who focus only on the rights of select genders and races are sexist and racist. America is supposed to be a melting pot not a compartmented pot.

Just because you have a picture next to a group of unfortunate black children doesn't make you worth any more or less than say a picture of you next to a group of unfortunate black children. Just because they are in the picture doesn't even mean you actually did them any favors. Seems racist to have a over privileged white women using black children to get a date. Either its racist or its just taking advantage of the situation. Sounds like something a politician would do.

I have accepted the fact that not all people are created equally. The strongest man is stronger than the strongest woman. Men cannot have babies. Men are logical women are emotional. We all are different and designed for different aspects of life. The American idea that we can accomplish anything with positive thinking is a load of crap.

Why do women care so much about your grasp of the English language. I am a man. We often don't care about such things. If you wanted to date a woman why don't you just come out and say it?

Off that note signs you are a clone
1. You like iphones even though they really suck.
2. You (see paragraph above)
3. You like sports just because men do
4. You like sports because you think it matters
5. You think putting on makeup makes you prettier (you still are ugly underneath all that mud)
6. You have a dog and you think that's an important relationship (its a fucking dog)
7. You have your career listed in your profile
8. The two spaces after these periods bother you.
9. You think beer has something to do with what makes you you.
10. You love life and are intelligent, funny, and witty.
11. You think optimism can only be a good thing even if it is delusional.

My thoughts on gay marriage. Just because we are moving forward in time does not mean what is right has changed. The argument for gay marriage is very weak. Advocates of gay marriage claim they just want to love each other and God is where we find love. They forget that you can love without sex. Anal is not hygienic. The end.

Just because you are optimistic doesn't mean are a great person and it definitely doesn't give a right to be a B.

The only fair thing about life is that no matter who you are the fair in Sarasota this year cost you a dollar.

When the face is a prune action goes boom!!!
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/prune-face.html

Playing with Legos and tinker toys and drinking some of the finest and hardest (2000 ppm +) waters. Thats some crazy night life.

Actually probably I will be on PhotoShop

I used to be a fish biologist but I don't like to fish and I am terrible at it.

I have never been in love.

I send emails to test women. Typically they get emotional and fail. I probably shouldn't give away my secrets lol. I mean really people are having their heads chopped off by rusty knives and we get emotional if someone asks us an honest question.

I am not going to beat around the bush. I would prefer a virgin like myself. A virgin at my age would have to have strong convictions or shes really hideous. My excuse is that I am stubborn, "religious", and not a risk taker.

I think reading rots your mind. Just because its in a book and claims to be true doesn't mean it is true. I believe we should find our own truth through life experience and reason. Forget science. It let me down a long time ago.

I was home-schooled. I am a random point ninja. I have lots of shit to say.

I am Afrospaniamerican. Just when it comes to federal job applications

I am not driven. I am who I am.

I don't make my bed because it is pointless. I have a profile because I am in love with reading my own writing. Women are too afraid to put their real self on a profile so they all seem generic. This profile flows a lot like an episode of Robot Chicken.

Looking for a woman with anti whorish tendencies. I don't much care for whores. If you have wonder if you are then you probably are. Also...

No fat women. I am not running a buffet at my house and I don't intend on starting

No Atheists. I don't have the time or energy to explain to you why not believing in God actually is not logical. Even Einstein believed in a god. It sucks to know that one of the smartest men that ever lived wasn't an atheist doesn't it? He wasn't a female that I am aware of either lol.

I am looking for a woman that can share the load of life. Someone that can think and I don't have to hold her hand. For long term I am not looking for a wife that thinks that you just stay at home have sex expect me too cook everything and go to bed. Here is how it goes..Husband and wife work--->wife is with child and stays home--->cooks food for husband but husband helps--->wife helps with financial statements, bills etc.--->child or children leave house wife goes back to work--->I die and wife is sad and she dies later. I really don't want to die last. If this makes sense to you then we are doing well.

You don't care about wealth and sports and you have respect for yourself and others. You think my profile is vile. You can stand a pain in the butt once in a while. You have a caring bone in your body (I have 2).

Of course you have a dog you are a girl (woman). Unlike many people who dislike animals don't want to be around them I find this stupid because this seems to be an easily flexible area. I still dislike dogs. I think people have pets to fill voids in their lives. Dogs and cats typically don't reject you. In all honestly they just want the food. I hate to break it to ya. Dogs aren't really loyal they are just dependent.

Emailing me gets you an automatic 2000 coupon points that are not usable at any store chain. If I don't email you back its because I am being a douche and you deserve better. Look at all the crap I wrote so you have something you can email me about. Even if you are boring all this crap should make it so you can pull interesting off. Do not email me to tell me I have issues or that my profile comes off as angry. I am very much aware of that. I get more emails as this guy than as the cliche guy. The internet is a big pond full of male fish and no desirable females.

I am not looking for 1 in a 1000. I am looking for 1 in a million. If that was the case you would of thought I would of found her by now. Maybe its more like 1 in a billion. I expect rejection so no hard feelings. I am also looking for a woman that can pick me up mentally but not physically. I am not looking for a fat-ass. If I go running up a hill I don't want to be disappointed that I just ran up my gf and not an actual hill. I don't want to have to dangle a BigMac in front of you just to get you motivated to move. One thing is terribly unattractive to me is a woman with a huge set of choppers that looks like she could bite the bumper off a Volkswagen. I would of said GM product but anything could do that considering GM products barely hold together at all. I won't settle for a woman that has a camera less than a D90. I would prefer a D3 woman. I am not being serious actually. I will even settle for a girl without a real camera. Even if she just has a camera phone.

The superficial part of me is attracted to smooth cute faces and jet black long hair. Just because you don't have those qualities though doesn't mean I am not attracted to you. Just because you visit my profile doesn't mean I can assume you are interested. If you are interested just email me. Don't worry I won't bite. I will just swallow you whole hahahahaha. In other words I ask some pretty brutal questions. Be prepared for some brutal honesty.

I am a smooth face person and not actually turned on by over sized boobs. When you get older those things are going to hit the floor anyways.

If I read your profile and just see a bunch of big generic adjectives being used as nouns you are probably a cloned drone and I will find you dull. That covers just about every woman on here actually.

I want a Gf that I don't have to treat like a child and find myself being a father figure and not a bf.

I want to be that guy that people say if it wasn't for my face we would of made a cute couple.

Just follow the questions. If you like my answers you will probably like me or be able to tolerate me. I am not looking for an internet footsie friend. I am 33 not 19. I am looking for a real friend and then something to love and hold in that order. Lets just skip the dating and start friends!

Don't just tell me you are interested. Tell me why you are interested.

If this profile offended you refer to the below video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNrS-GDAEAs

This is what I am. If you read this whole thing I should be emailing you