26 Cincinnati, OH
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My self-summary
I love my mommy lots.

I am a cat person.

Intersectional feminist.
Yes, one of the angry ones. You'd be angry, too.

I frequently edit my profile based on reading others. So if you view me, then I view you, then I add something you have, it's because you reminded me "oh yeah! I do that a lot!" or something. I'm not just trying to seem cool. I promise. I have totally given up on that one.

Next are several very important things that you will likely find boring and may deter you from reading further. Don't be dim. If you do that, I will know, and won't want to talk to you anyway. So nyeah.
Full Disclosure:
Note that I am NOT listed as single. I am polyamorous(/relationship anarchist).
I have a serious (live-in) boyfriend, Massimo53. He makes me all happy and is one of my best, most beloved friends. We do a fuckofalot of things together, but not everything. I am always looking to do things with others.
ZombieScience is my boyfriend, too. He's pretty ridiculous but also rad.
I also have a wonderful submissive and a long distance lover or two I care for deeply.
IN ADDITION...I have a passel of playmates of differing frequency and import on my life's stage. One might say my ensemble is full. I say only for tonight. Tomorrow might bring such unbidden splendor as to reset the cast entirely. Life is more improv than anything, anyway.

I do not know where that lengthy theatre metaphor came from, but I like it. It stays.

I'm not opposed to any level of commitment, if the chemistry is there. It just has to be workable within the relationship parameters I am already within. If you're down, I'm down. Simple as that. Unless you suck.
Thus concludes the expression of several quite important details of my life you should definitely know if you plan next to hit on me. MAKE A NOTE OF IT.

I am a rennie. Or a rennie-in-waiting, depending who you ask.

I do not know how to ride a bike.

I am a sex toy geek. It is both a job and a passion for me.

I am a theatre freak, but I don't have nearly enough stage experience to call myself an actor. How I wish.

I enjoy writing run-on sentences, effective fragments, and ambiguous blanket statements which secretly only refer to one thing.

Friendship really IS magic. ;)

I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart. (Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart.)

Cunt is one of my favorite words. Ever. Of all time.
Also, I totally use the word 'groovy' and its ilk non-ironically. Yeah. I'm one of those.

I talk funny, or so I'm told - I've got people who aggravate me just so they can giggle at the way I swear - so don't assume me saying I'm 'dandy' means I'm snarking. Maybe I really am just doing dandy on that day.

"Eliza is the girl your mother warned you about. And that is fantastic." - AJPleat

I am contrariwise, concupiscent, and carbonated
What I’m doing with my life
Loving some people.

Living a bit more spontaneously than may be healthy in the long run.

Being an agent for the Resistance. Smurfs rule, frogs drool!

Renning it up. I'm forever hoping to visit new faires every season, working or playtroning. I have way too much fun pretending to be a Rubenesque wench of the renaissance. As opposed to a Rubenesque wench of today.

Ultimately, I'd like to be toodling towards having my own swank little toyshop. No. Not with jam-handed children and rocking horses.
With Fun Factory and Lelo and JimmyJane products galore. With lube by the gallon and films by the foot. With real kink resources, and real queer resources, but still juuuust this side of dirty enough to make the men wanting their Barely Legals and their Brazzers give me their money, too.
That sort of toyshop. Only better.
What I'm doing now is the next best thing.
I’m really good at
Organizing things.
Attracting animals (there are those that call me Jigglypuff, for I bring slumber to all).
Making lists.
Being a Social Justice Bard.
Selling the fuck out of some corsets and swords.
Terrible puns.
Obscure references and jokes.
Seeming marvelously pretentious, and...well, often BEING just that pretentious.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Fairest orange hair is hanging down to my shoulders
Forget the fruit comparison, I'm rocking some boulders
Or breasticles, don't think that's any other euphemism
When the geeks see triple D you know I give them all an aneurysm

Lacking freckles, I'm the palest of white
With the skin porcelain and the hips never slight
Juvenile gave instructions and the beat I did ride
Backing up the ghetto ass I was so happy to oblige"

(Sampled from the indomitable MC Diabeats' track "Twice Threatened".)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I do not read much non-fiction in full book form. I stick to articles in various places.
If I am taking time to read something with more than 100 pages, it's gonna be brain candy or some feminist ridiculousness.
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass. Peter Pan. Kurt Vonnegut things - Slapstick & "Who Am I This Time?" especially. I have a crush on Anaïs Nin, and have for over a decade. The Hollows series is great. Gregory Maguire is fun - Mirror, Mirror is my favorite. Stephen King is lovely. I love Victorian children's books and contemporary YA fiction. I am a ridiculous Harry Potter fangirl. I love Neil Gaiman almost as much as I identify with his wife.

Comics: My subs right now are Rat Queens, Saga, Fairest, X-Files, MLP, and Adventure Time. Assume I am behind but still interested in anything to do with these titles.

Movies: I. LOVE. Kevin Smith. My adoration is full on "blindly obsessive". I'm sure my username isn't a dead giveaway on THAT front. Musicals thrill me chill me fulfill me, whether they be offbeat or upbeat though the weirder the better. Animated things rock me pretty hard, too. Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney Princess flick, Sword in the Stone my favorite 'other' Disney flick, and Little Nemo takes the cake for non-Disney kid's movie goodness, with Anastasia getting runner-up. And Pixar rules. Also, I feel the need to say it. The Buffy movie kicked ass.
I honestly am just not as into movies as I used to be, and haven't been delving as deeply as I used if it's come out since 2008 and wasn't animated or comic book related and in theaters...I probably haven't seen it.

Television: The X-Files, Firefly (I'm a leaf on motherfucking wind.) Supernatural but I am soooo behind. I really dig Psych, Gravity Falls, Californication, Steven Universe, Archer, Arrested Development, OITNB, The IT Crowd, Eureka & Warehouse 13, Top Gear, and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Freaks & Geeks was radsauce. I miss Daria like mad.

Music: I listen to most anything. Preferences lean heavily to punky/queer/bouncy/hard-bass/body-groovin' good time tunes. Nerdcore like a mo'fuka. I've accidentally become a mild goth enthusiast, as well. Brief list of semi-consistent favorites: The Kinks, The Beach Boys, Queen, 10,000 Maniacs, Say Anything, Violent Femmes, The Pixies, Scissor Sisters, Amanda Palmer, The Dresden Dolls , Ani Difranco, Presidents of the United States of America, Jack Off Jill, Donovan, B-52s, DK, Kabuto the Python, MC Diabeats/The Bloodclan, Schaffer The Darklord, Tribe One + The Remnant + Malibu Shark Attack, The Thoughtcriminals, Doctor Awkward, Adam Warrock, MC Lars, Janis Joplin, The Whomping Willows, Kirby Krackle, The Cramps, She Wants Revenge, Poe, The Doubleclicks, Flogging Molly. Older mainstream hip-hop. Plus I inexplicably love crazy 80's power ballads. Did I say inexplicably? Here's an explanation: THEY RULE SO MUCH ASS. Plus also I looooove show tunes, which you may have guessed from my mention of musicals a bit upwards.

Gaming: Race For The Galaxy, Castle Panic, anything Munchkin, Fluxx, or Cthulhu flavored, 7 Wonders, Cards Against Humanity (of course), St. Petersburg, GoT board OR card game, Imperial 2030, Uwe Rosenberg games, 13 Dead End Drive, Scrabble and the like are perennial board game favorites. Malifaux is the only "war" game I get into...though I would consider battle nuns in Mordheim. RPG-wise I am a pretty big White Wolf fangirl, and I am down playing a wizard or tank if I have to throw down D&D. Savage Worlds is quickly becoming my favorite, though I'm looking forward to Through The Breach. I like Shadowrun but never get to play.
I dig on little kid video games - Little Big Planet especially, as well as LEGO games. Portal, Ratchet & Clank, and Dragon Age are favored "big kid" video games. I played the new Tomb Raider and finally gave in and admitted wanting more like it, so am dialing back to Uncharted and Bioshock. I need to rock Fallout properly, as well.
I rule ass at Centipede, and love pinball though I am no wizard.

NomnomnomFOOD: I adore food, truly I do. (Check the chub - it didn't just appear, you know.) I especially love SPICY TUNA ROLLS, lasagna/stuffed shells, Indian food which incorporates potatoes (and spinach), chilichilichili - Skyline being the winner of most awesome in my heart - though a good meat cement goes a long way, potatoes in any style, strawberries, broccoli, CHEESE holyfuckIlovecheese - most notably provolone, havarti, and meunster, aaaand...Graeter's or UDF ice cream. Caramel or strawberry shakes, respectively.
The primary edibles I don't like are coleslaw, bacon, licorice, Italian sausage, and German chocolate cake.
The six things I could never do without
Skyline chili, a cat, booksbooksbooksbooksbooks, The Best of Queen, air-conditioning, cuddle partners.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What to read.
What I just read.
What I'm reading.
Why I'm reading.
Where I'm reading.

How to broach odd subjects in conversation.
Counting things.
Fluffy animals.
Video games.
How to make my faire gear KICK ALL OF THE ASS.
Monogamy and jealousy.
The difference between immaturity and enjoying things regardless of age, because they are perennially fun, i.e. swings at the park.
Things I'd like to eat.
People I'd like to meet.
Items I want made for me in yarncraft.
That fact that nymphatic is possibly the greatest word ever.

You know. Usual things.
On a typical Friday night I am
Peddling smut or cutting loose to "Bloodletting" with some rum or possibly canoodling someone and watching cartoons.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am the greatest pirate hunter who ever lived.


A peeve: this sections says the most private thing YOU ARE WILLING TO ADMIT.
It is intended to be a gauge of how open you are with personal details not commonly found in dating profiles. I'm sure most of you have said something about how bad you are at talking about yourself and edgily included sex (GASP AND SHOCK AND HORROR) in your six things you could never do without by now. So step up and use this section for something remotely interesting.

Nobody is going to ask you what thing you couldn't bother to share here, quit putting that here. That defeats the purpose, which is to sidestep your goddamn comfort zone created by other shitty dating sites and challenge you to share something unique that doesn't totally fit anywhere else on this page.

Share a unique phobia you have. Maybe a collection you keep of obscure non-media items. A particular song you always turn up and belt out in the car. SOMETHING. REAL.

I confess to never having used this section to its full potential in the past. Mostly, I am so candid in every other aspect of my profile that I didn't see a need to share yet another explicitly stated tidbit, so I instead have an obscure reference to a favorite adult video. I thought it was kind of clever, pasting up a porn quote as a private thing - if anyone got it, it would be clear why it was "private" while still being silly and in keeping with the tone of my profile.

But now I've read so many more of these damned things that I am truly fed up with this cop-out bullshit. So you get to know what that line is (but not the remaining layers of why it's amusing to me) and a rant as icing.
You should message me if
You can handle potential rejection thusly:

You actually read my fucking profile. You will be in a sexy, literate minority with a very strong stomach. All key elements in any friendship I maintain.

You enjoy much kissing and cuddling but also biting and scratching and hair pulling.

You don't mind that mirrors legitimately distract me. I am like a toddler who is obsessed with her own boobs and I will constantly ogle myself if I can see a mirror.

You are on the ins with the local music scene. I've been very lazy about getting into shows around here, and I miss music intensely.
Alternaindiepunk preferred.