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SimonAgain

26 Ottawa, Ontario, CA Man

Man

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22–30
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 7:11am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body type
Fit
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Technology
Income
Status
Single
Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Weight lifter
Code writer
Brew drinker
Nap taker

Prodigiously cynical
Unrepentantly lazy
Secretly soulful
Remarkably geeky

Seldom serious
Sometimes pedantic
Often oblivious
Always sarcastic

I like my women how I like all my humans, progressive, precocious and tolerable. Beneath my shiny metal exterior of jaunty pessimism and self deprecation I'm quite level headed, confident, and warm. Around people I'm comfortable with I'm ridiculously silly, flirty, and mischievous.

Basically I'm normal people.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working nine to five, braving new recipes in the kitchen, soaking up mass media through my eyeholes.

I live downtown, don't have a car, think motorcycles are unsafe, have no tattoos, and ate haggis this one time. It was gross.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I will obliterate you at cuddling, I will cuddle laps around your inferior cuddles. My cuddles are so tight, baby animals abandon their mothers when they see me working it. I will cuddle coal into diamond. November 9th, 1989, the berlin wall went down -- cuddled. My cuddles are so fresh they are an FDA approved food preservative. My cuddles are so addictive I'm under surveillance by the DEA. If my cuddles were a WMD, the nap fallout would last thousands of years. Pillow forts are for chumps, I build snuggle palaces. I will roll you up in a blanket burrito so cozy it violates the first law of thermodynamics. Battery dead? I can cuddle-start an engine. I once won a trophy for most sophisticated cuddle. I made it myself, out of cuddles. In 1988, Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time" brought scientific literacy to the masses, the revised 1996 edition posits new theories about my cuddles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I read a book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" a while back. Chapter 2 said something along the lines of: everyone loves dogs, behave more like a dog.

So short answer: My nose pressed insistently against their anus.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I read a pretty broad mix of popular fiction and classics. Big soft spot for fantasy and sci-fi. The bit where Sansa kills Christian Grey and has a threesome with the Weasley twins was crazy. Crazy gone... girl? If you've read anything by R. Scott Bakker then lets be bffs.

Aladdin is the best Disney classic, super hero movies are tacky but entertaining, True Lies is the definitive action/rom-com, Die Hard is the best Christmas movie, and I am a sucker for Wes Anderson flicks. Also The Fifth Element wins at crazy nonsense, In Bruges makes me nerd out about scripts and storytelling, and Grave of the Fireflies makes me weep like a baby.

Teevee is cool too. I know all the pop culture references. Danger zone? Mathematical! Ron Swanson. Science, bitch. Bob's Burgers. Is anyone else watching Danger 5?

food-wise there isn't much I wouldn't eat (assuming it's food). But I have a special appreciation for sushi, deep fried/semi-deep fried pub fare, the occasional bowl-o-pho, and mom's cooking. Also pierogies, oh man, little doughy bundles of potato heaven.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Backpacking for a bit has taught me that I simply cannot do without the following:
-My own kitchen.
-A regular bed, of the non-bunk variety.
-My keyboard (purely decorative).
-Space to put my stuff.
-My fans (I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys!).
-Crystal Meth.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
-The best cookie is Oreos.
-Butts.
-Comic book science.
-Dinner.
-The best cookie is actually Fudgeeos.
-Career stuff.
-Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
-The intricacies of human interaction.
-Cat pictures.
-The children.
-How to reconcile the self with the myriad of competing forces therein.
-But seriously it's Oreos.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drunk, like any well adjusted adult.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't think these essay things are a very good way to get to know someone. But it's fun to judge people so here you go. I hope you're entertained.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-You have a strict no-murder policy.
-You are a scintillating conversationalist.
-You are open to the idea of meeting a person in person.
-You'd like to receive a deluge of mirror selfies from me.
-I messaged you first and you don't want to have a poor reply-rate.
-You can beat the end boss for me.
-You are batman.