Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


38 Bellingham, WA Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 25-50
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 2:38pm
Straight, Sapiosexual, Demisexual
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Average build
Special Diet
Not at all
Agnosticism and it’s important
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has cats
English (Fluently), German (Somewhat), C++ (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The Top 3 Questions I'd like to ask Weird Al Yankovic:
1. Which part of "This is Spinal Tap" has the greatest resonance with your own career as a touring musician?
2. What is your favorite palindrome that you just weren't able to work into "Bob"?
3. Your lucky, lucky, autographed, glow-in-the-dark snorkel -- autographed by WHOM?

I'm an independent, gentlemanly, amiable zany with a good, solid geek streak. I have a dry, witty sense of humor which I use almost as frequently as my curiosity. I am fiercely intelligent--a National Merit Scholar, if that means anything to you--but I hardly ever mention that, because I feel it's too much like bragging. I do that a lot, hiding my light under a bushel, largely because I like being under people's radar and then surprising them with hidden talents. I only mention it here because this is a dating site, and everybody's running around, taking measurements on everybody else. I am quite imaginative--about everything under the sun, really, although most of my mental wanderings take an either scientific or literary bent: I have designed a very plausible missing link to the evolution of modern bats, and written Barton Fink a perfectly good idea for a wrestling movie.

I am free of racism, sexism, religionism, and other assorted bigotries, and don't really understand why other people aren't. Well, actually I do understand, it's just that that kind of thought process feels so very alien to me. (Word of warning: I sometimes say "that that", "had had", and even "whom".) I enjoy flipping social mores to see them from the other side, which is why I wholeheartedly support things like the Hawkeye Initiative and baseball caps for teams like the New York Jews.

When I was growing up, my family spent a few of my formative years on welfare, so thrift is pretty well ingrained in me. I abhor the culture of waste, entitlement, and dissatisfaction that our society has created, and feel smug when I do perfectly fine without what most other people seemingly consider to be necessities. Television, gaming consoles, tobacco, credit cards, MP3 players, restaurants, coffee, cell phones, alcohol, and even cars are all on the long list of Things I Do Not Need. I am a firm proponent of living simply, and well within one's means. This is not to say that I'm cheap--if there's something that I want, and at a price that I consider fair, then I will buy it. How many of you own a rapier?

I have NEVER been afraid to be different. I'm also 100% behind being childlike without being childish; to combine the curiosity, enthusiasm, innocence, and open-mindedness of youth with the wisdom, maturity, perspicacity, and good taste of age. I think keeping a healthy sense of play is important.

I'm active, but not athletic: If you'd like to go on a little afternoon hike/picnic on the spur of the moment, can I come too? If you're the type that goes snowboarding every other weekend, I'll just stay home, thanks. I'll occasionally do Manly Things if they happen to need doing, or maybe just to say that I did them (I once cut halfway through a big log using only a large wooden mallet), but not to impress the womenfolk by waving my testosterone around. Given the choice of, say, fun things to do in a boat, I would rather row out to the middle of a lake and read a book than go kayaking down some rapids.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Herpin' and derpin'.

I'm a solder monkey, repairing & upgrading little metal doohickeys. Not bad, I get paid for keeping things out of landfills.

Technically, I live with my dad, although since I pay the rent & he just contributes to the bills, it would be more correct to say that he lives with me. (In case you're wondering, he's 75 and retired.) Then there's Wooster, who goes hurtling around like a ballistic doofus. The 3 of us rattle around in a house too big for us, on a yard WAY too big for us--with a much smaller yard, I'd be tempted to plant something, but this Back 40 is just far too intimidating. In my Copious Free Time (tm), I read books (ALL the books), play computer games (mostly those that are either old-school, like StarCraft I and Baldur's Gate I & II, or those that just look old-school, like Dwarf Fortress), overuse parentheses (can't help it--I was a Computer Science major for a while), beat up Wooster, and generally try to help the Internet be not quite so fucked up.

I mentioned that I have a geek streak, I'd better back it up. I played in the Society for Creative Anachronisms for a few years, but got tired of going to events by myself. My knowledge of Baldur's Gate is so encylopedic that I wrote an online guide to it, with the intention of superseding all other, similar guides (which I found inadequate and at times even harmful). As far as I can tell, Volothamp's Comeuppance is considered to be THE very best guide there is . . . for a game that hardly anyone has played for the past several years. If writing the text and hand-coding the HTML for an expansive website about a largely-obsolete Dungeons & Dragons game is not geeky, I'd like to know what the hell is..
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Try me.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Usually the hair. I also appear to be extremely recognizable--I once had a girl recognize me, from the back of my head, from high school, in California, eight years previously. Explain THAT one.

Either that, or I'm whistling/humming/singing.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Hoo boy. Anthropology, archaeolgy, paleontology, zoology, philanthropy, philosophy, history, physics, fantasy, mystery, science fiction, classic literature, and humor. I like films that are character-driven, believeable, complex, and cleverly written--do NOT get me started on Prometheus, or Looper, unless you're prepared to go all the way. I'm also a fan of silly, which is why you'll also find things like Shaolin Soccer, Shaun of the Dead, and lots of MST3K. My Windows Media "Play All" list includes J.S. Bach, P.D.Q. Bach, Loreena McKennitt, the Eurhythmics, Weird Al, Monty Python, Mannheim Steamroller, Danny Elfman, Simon & Garfunkel, Vivaldi, the Foremen, Flight of the Conchords, Spinal Tap, Respighi, Hans Zimmer, the Chieftains, Tom Lehrer, Leonard Bernstein, Sting, and the Beatles. I heart me my bread & cereal group, and try to consume only small amounts of meat, which is awkward as my dad is trying to be gluten-free and chows down on meats to make up for it. Yeah.

Ethics of semi-vegetarianism: I don't think eating meat is wrong in & of itself, what's wrong is how we treat the animal while it's alive, the guilt we (don't) feel about buying meat, and of course the volume we consume. I actively dislike eating a daily potion of meat any larger than, say, my hand (and my hands are relatively small). I'm not too into eating fruit, either--honestly, I like a lot more vegetables than I do fruits, and then there are some amusing paradoxes about how I like orange juice, strawberry jam, and raisins, but not oranges, strawberries, or grapes. Go figure. Lastly, I don't drink alcohol: To date, I've had a Mike's Hard Lemonade, a sip of wine, and half a shot of homemade peach schnapps, and honestly I didn't like any of them. This might change as time goes on, of course, and I'm not actually opposed to such change . . . but frankly, I'm quite odd enough *without* booze, so why bother?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Justice, truth, humor, beauty, hope, and Grumpy Cat.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to form babbys that can frigth back.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Probably on OKCupid's Report Moderation page, deleting pictures of people's dogs, cars, food, and feet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I have things too private to admit here. Seriously, there's such a thing as too much honesty (at least, all at once), and this profile has already disclosed enough. If you want to know more, take the unheard-of step of actually asking me, or at least go digging through my "The Two of Us" section--those questions to which users have written explanations are always the most enlightening.

Even though this is a dating site, I'm not looking for a date. Multiple sources have convinced me to give up on dating entirely: As one of Murphy's Laws says, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again . . . then stop. There's no use being a damned idiot about it." So, even though love might someday find me, I am well past trying to find it.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like to geek out in socially and environmentally conscious ways. You'd like to rub prefrontal lobes with me. (And yes, you would.)
Fun Fact: I reply to everybody, so you're guaranteed a good bounce-back at the very least. Seriously! I even write back to the spambots (yes, guys get them too).

Now, since this IS a dating site, I suppose I should make some concessions to that fact. This is how to know how nifty I'll think you are (whether as a friend, or more than that). Things I Like, in descending order of importance:
1) My Big Three are that you have to be smart enough to make me think, funny enough to make me laugh, and good-looking enough to turn me on. My Big Fourth is that I have to do those same three things for you.
1b) Meeting my idea of "good-looking" is probably easier than you'd think. Personally, I lean towards girls who are cute, petite, bespectacled, and happy and/or shy, but those are hardly mandatory criteria. I'm not interested in "hot", or "sexy", or "glamorous", or anything like that . . . even "pretty" is more than I'm looking for. "Cute" is plenty. As Albert Brooks once said, "You should be with another person who's just good-looking enough to turn you on. Any excess brings problems." A wise man, that.
2) I am attracted to intelligence, and to girls who are attracted to intelligence. It is relevant to mention here that one of my first crushes that I can remember was on Janine Melnitz.
3) I am very into equality in relationships, where both partners are on an even field. If your goal is simply to be the sweet little wife of some big strong man, and to cook & clean for him, obeying the wishes of the breadwinner and master of the house, that's cool--you go do your thing somewhere else, because that's not a situation I would be happy in. Likewise, any woman who treats me like a doormat would get kicked to the curb faster than . . . something that gets kicked to the curb really fast.
4) You want to share intelligent conversation, stupid jokes, good books, bad movies, cool music, warm snuggles, and hot sex.
5) In keeping with my being childlike and playful, I think that love should be fun, and sex should be funny (at least sometimes). I believe that in every healthy, loving relationship, each person should have the right to use their partner's buttocks as an improvised set of bongo drums whenever they feel like it.
6) Music comes out of you. The aforementioned bongo drums do not count, sorry.
7) You know how to operate a cat.
8) You consider yourself a keeper, and demand the same of your prospective mates; you date only those people who actually have solid marriage potential.
9) Your nose is more likely to be buried in a book than pointed at your phone. Yes, really. What? Noses are IMPORTANT.

Things I Don't Like, again in descending order:
1) Smoking cigarettes is a deal-breaker. Marijuana is only slightly better, as they both involve putting burning leaves in your lungs, and they both make you smell and taste like ass. Your getting drunk on a regular basis is also my cue to exit.
2) I'd like to find someone with about as much experience with dating & relationships as I have . . . which, unfortunately, is very little. So if you're divorced with two kids, I'm just not up to your speed, sorry.
3) I eat pretty healthy, and keep myself in fairly good shape, without much body fat--and I expect the same of you. Being a few pounds overweight (emphasis on a few) is okay, but anything more than that and my sexual interest starts to drop off rapidly. Yes, it's nice that your body shape means that you have big boobs. I do not care for big boobs. There are plenty of men who do, go find one.
4) Your personal politics are anywhere to the right of center. On average, the CEO of an American company takes home about 300 times the salary of his lowest-paid full-time employee, and anyone who does not find that morally repugnant needs to be righteously bitchslapped by the invisible hand of the free market. Also, if you support things like the NRA and banning gay marriage & abortion rights, how the hell did you even get this far down my profile?
5) The more that Jesus (or whoever, except the Flying Spaghetti Monster) is a part of your life, the less I will be. I'm fine with non-worship-related philosophies like Buddhism, and other forms of spirituality (as long as you can talk about it without sounding like a dingbat), but I doubt I could respect anyone who happily bows to organized religion.
6) You're noticeably into things like guns, motorcycles, pro wrestling, hard rock music, fast food, reality TV, Wal-Mart, celebrities, or any other of the unfortunate stereotypes about the land of 'Murica.
7) I am not a fan of body modification--if it's small and discreet, like a seahorse tattooed on your ankle or a tiny diamond stud tucked behind your nostril, that's ok, and maybe even a bit fetching. But if you've got an 8-gauge septum ring and a sleeve, we're not going to be on the same page.