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31 Cape Town, South Africa Man


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 20–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Mar 26
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body type
Strictly vegan
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Graduated from Ph.D program
Open relationship
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), Afrikaans (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
[Location info: I'm from Cape Town originally, and will be around here until mid-April probably. Then back to London]

The world is complicated and I try to respond to that as best I can. I'm always ready to act on my convictions, but my convictions aren't set in stone. We never really know what's best until we've tried things out for a bit. And even then, maybe not. The only thing we can really do is always be open to experience, and open to persuasion.

I'm on here primarily to make new friends. That said, I tend towards relationship anarchy and I'm comfortable with a pretty fluid boundary between friendship and sexual/romantic relationships. I have friends I who I started out dating; friends who I hung out with platonically for a while, slept with a few times, then reverted to platonic friendship; etc. I know some people like to keep things more clear-cut and have very good reasons for that, and that's obviously cool too. Let's have a conversation about it. :)

I'm currently in a committed relationship with ponymacaroni, and in some other more casual relationships. My fetlife profile is here. My sexual attraction is very predominantly towards women, and I'd also class myself as hetero-romantic. I have, however, had a few nice sexual experiences with people outside of that category and would like to have more. I find it somewhat hard to sort out all my feelings on this, and so can only reiterate the point that you don't know what you like until you try!

I'm political, but in a relatively rarefied way (I'm more likely to write an article than go on a march). I'm all about (intersectional) feminism, anti-racism, anti-colonialism, animal rights, LGBTQI rights, sex workers' rights, consent culture, free speech, etc. I'm generally "left of centre" in the redistributionist sense, but sceptical of state power, tending towards anarchism. I use the Chrome extension for OKC to screen profiles, and I probably won't message you if I think your politics are lousy. I'm currently really keen on a paper called "A capitalist road to communism". My blog is mostly just links to stuff I've enjoyed reading recently, with a few substantive pieces of my own.

I know that all makes me sound very serious and humourless - when I write I go into "academic mode". :D In person, you'll find I'm one of more laid-back people in the world, and I'm constantly fooling around and telling jokes, often at my own expense. I'm big on cuddling too! (though I'll always ask first). I've been described as "a big bottle of social lube".
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I've just finished a postdoc in philosophy of science, now taking an extended holiday until I resettle in the UK. I won't try to summarise my research here, but I'd be pleased to chat about it. I've also just started writing a book about power dynamics in relationships. I travel a fair amount for fun and academic reasons.

I'm also quite active on social media, mostly along the lines of posting interesting articles I've read, plus less academic writing. This all goes up on my blog, if you're particularly interested.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Reading, writing, talking. Arguing. Learning things.
Accepting criticism
Finding things out on the internet
Being happy with things
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If I'm out partying, that I'm showing more skin and generally looking more fabulous than is typical for boy-gendered persons. I like to be touched, but I like even more to be asked permission first.

I have dimples. Actually it's more that my entire face creases up when I smile. But I think this counts.

That I know a lot about a lot and I'm not afraid of showing it. That I like to have arguments, and to be told when I don't know as much as I think I do.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't keep lists of this sort of thing, what I like changes too frequently. I'll give a general flavour, and you can ask me if you're interested in specifics. :)

I generally love non-fiction books of all kinds, anything which teaches me something I didn't know. A non-exhaustive list of topics: philosophy, maths, anthropology, economics, biology, physics, chemistry, gender studies, urban planning, politics, linguistics, sociology, etc, etc. I read fiction less frequently, and generally stick with things that friends recommend or that gets good reviews. And I love sci-fi and speculative fiction.

I love movies, and my tastes here are also pretty diverse. I'll watch anything from stupid action flicks to slow arthouse dramas.

I don't actually "listen" to music a lot, so I don't have any favourites really. Many people reckon that this is unacceptable, but there you go. I'll dance enthusiastically to anything with a beat though. I think these things are related: people who are into music seem to be much more picky about what they're dance to.

Food: anything vegan and tasty. And quantity has a quality all of its own.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
*Books - I'll read anything and everything. At least until I get the basic gist and they start repeating themselves. Then onto the next book!
*An internet connection - again, reading anything and everything
*Sex - A lot of my satisfaction derives from getting other people off (or assisting while they do it themselves).
*Physical affection - I tend to solicit cuddles whenever appropriate.
*Smart people to talk to - and ideally argue with
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How things work. How to improve the way I think about things (very meta, I know). All the stuff on my books list. Sex. Relationships. Fun stuff to do wherever I'm currently residing or visiting. Whether my OKCupid profile gives an accurate impression of my actual personality.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hopefully with people I care about. The other details don't matter so much.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I like going to my partner's profile and then checking out "Similar users". She's just that great

Otherwise, as my second profile pic says... Ask me anything
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
My priority is to meet people who are able to have an intelligent conversation about something important, and tell me straight-up if they think I'm wrong. So message me if that sounds good. :) Sex/romance is nice, but less of a priority.