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30 M London, UK

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Strictly vegan
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Graduated from Ph.D program
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), Afrikaans (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
[LOCATION INFORMATION: I mostly split my time between South Africa (either Johannesburg or Cape Town) and London). Current plans are to be in London until January, with a stint in Ireland in October.]

My name is Dean. People sometimes say that I'm a complicated person, but I disagree. I'm basically simple; it's the world that's complicated. I'm just responding to that as best I can. I'm always ready to act on my convictions, but my convictions aren't set in stone. We never really know what's best until we've tried things out for a bit. And even then, maybe not. The only thing we can really do is always be open to experience, open to people and open to persuasion.

I'm political, but in a relatively rarefied way (I'm more likely to write an article than go on a march). I'm all about (intersectional) feminism, anti-racism, anti-colonialism, animal rights, LGBTQI rights, sex workers' rights, consent culture, free speech, etc. I'm generally "left of centre" in the redistributionist sense, but sceptical of state power, tending towards anarchism. I use the Chrome extension for OKC to screen profiles, and I probably won't message you if I think your politics are lousy. I'm currently really keen on a paper called "A capitalist road to communism". My blog is mostly just links to stuff I've enjoyed reading recently, with a few substantive pieces of my own.

I'm all about love and commitment and I'm also not open to monogamy. I'm currently in a committed relationship with someone who lives in London, and some other more casual relationships. I am most comfortable in some sort of (non-hierarchical) poly arrangement. That said, as I indicate above, you don't know what works until you try! My fetlife profile is here.

OK, so that all makes me sound very serious and humourless - when I write I go into "academic mode". :D In person, you'll find I'm one of more laid-back people in the world, and I'm constantly fooling around and telling jokes, often at my own expense. I'm big on cuddling too! (though I'll always ask first)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I finished my PhD in Philosophy of Science in January 2013, and I've been busy with a postdoc since then. I won't try to summarise my research here, but I'd be pleased to chat about it. Also, exploring Johannesburg, a new city for me! I try to do this by bike as much as I can, but it's quite big... and hilly. I travel a fair amount for fun and academic reasons.

I'm also quite active on social media, mostly along the lines of posting interesting articles I've read, plus less academic writing. I put most of this on my twittter, if you want a sense of what I've been thinking about lately.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Reading, writing, talking. Arguing. Learning things.
Sex. Partly just because I'm very affectionate, but also because of technique (I get good reviews, though I suppose anyone could just *say* that).
Finding things out on the internet.
Being joyful.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If I'm out partying, that I'm showing more skin and generally looking more fabulous than is typical for boy-gendered persons. Touch, but ask permission first!

That I like to talk. A lot.

I have dimples. Actually it's more that my entire face creases up when I smile. But I think this counts.

That I know a lot about a lot and I'm not afraid of showing it. That I like to have arguments, and to be told when I don't know as much as I think I do.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't keep lists of this sort of thing, what I like changes too frequently. I'll give a general flavour, and you can ask me if you're interested in specifics. :)

I generally love non-fiction books of all kinds, anything which teaches me something I didn't know. A non-exhaustive list of topics: philosophy, maths, anthropology, economics, biology, physics, chemistry, gender studies, urban planning, politics, linguistics, sociology, etc, etc. I read fiction less frequently, and generally stick with things that friends recommend or that gets good reviews. Oh, and I love sci-fi and fantasy.

I love movies, and my tastes here are also pretty diverse. I'll watch anything from stupid action flicks to slow arthouse dramas.

I don't actually "listen" to music a lot, so I don't have any favourites really. Many people reckon that this is unacceptable, but there you go. I'll dance enthusiastically to anything with a beat though.

Food: anything vegan and tasty. And quantity has a quality all of its own.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
*Books - I'll read anything and everything. At least until I get the basic gist and they start repeating themselves. Then onto the next book!
*An internet connection - again, reading anything and everything
*Sex - my sex drive might be called "healthy". Though I mostly get off on getting other people off. Just tell me what you'd like, and I'll do it (within reason).
*Physical affection - I tend to solicit cuddles whenever appropriate.
*Smart people to talk to - and ideally argue with
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How things work. How to improve the way I think about things (very meta, I know). Sex. Relationships. Fun stuff to do wherever I'm currently residing or visiting.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...with people I care about. The other details don't matter so much.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Tough question. I'm willing to admit a lot of private things, but I'm not sure which would be most relevant.

I'm kind of tempted to treat this like the classic job interview question "What is your greatest weakness" and say something that is superficially a weakness but which is actually calculated to make me seem awesome. But I'm not sure what to go for in particular. "Sometimes I'm *TOO* nice"?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
My biggest turn-ons are people who are able to have an intelligent conversation about something important, and tell me straight-up if they think I'm wrong. That and people who are comfortable in their own body, and know what they want.

I accept a pretty fluid boundary between friendship and sexual relationships. So, when I say "casual sex", I don't mean "have sex once and then never speak again". If I want to have sex with you, it's generally because I like you. If the sex is good, I'll want to do it again. This doesn't mean I want us to be together forever (but it might mean that!). On the other hand, I might very well want to continue hanging out even if the sexual chemistry isn't really there. So yeah, it would be good if you're comfortable with this dynamic.