Skyballoon
32 London, UK
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Skyballoon
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My self-summary
I spend a lot of time thinking about people and the world, and working to be friends with more of the former and understand more of the latter.

I tend towards relationship anarchy or non-hierarchical polyamory and I'm comfortable with a pretty fluid boundary between friendship and sexual/romantic relationships. I have friends I who I started out dating; friends who I hung out with platonically for a while, slept with a few times, then reverted to platonic friendship; etc. I know some people like to keep things more clear-cut and have very good reasons for that, and that's obviously cool too. Let's have a conversation about it. :)

I love ponymacaroni a lot, and I'm lucky enough to live with her. I may also be seeing some other people at any given time. I have a fetlife profile, which I'm happy to share if you're interested. My sexual attraction is very predominantly towards women, and I'd also class myself as hetero-romantic. I have, however, had a few nice sexual experiences with people outside of that category and would like to have more. I find it somewhat hard to sort out all my feelings on this, and so can only make the obvious point that you don't know what you like until you try!

I'm political, but in a relatively rarefied way (I'm more likely to write an article than go on a march). I'm all about (intersectional) feminism, anti-racism, anti-colonialism, animal rights, LGBTQI rights, sex workers' rights (i.e. full decriminalisation), consent culture, free speech, prison abolition, open borders, drug legalisation, etc. I'm generally "left of centre" in the redistributionist sense, but sceptical of state power, tending towards anarchism. I use the Chrome extension for OKC to screen profiles, and we will not be friends if your politics are lousy. I'm currently really keen on a paper called "A capitalist road to communism". My blog is mostly just links to stuff I've enjoyed reading recently, with a few substantive pieces of my own.

I know that all makes me sound very serious and humourless - when I write I go into "academic mode". :D In person, you'll find I'm one of more laid-back people in the world, and I'm constantly fooling around and telling jokes, often at my own expense. I'm big on cuddling too! (though I'll always ask first). I've been described as "a big bottle of social lube".
What I’m doing with my life
I did a postdoc in philosophy of science in South Africa, finishing in January 2015, and since then been avoiding formal employment while I resettle in the UK. I'm somewhat disillusioned with academia and my place in it, but still very pleased to chat about my research or philosophy generally.

In recent months, I've been quite busy doing some freelance research on a campaign for sex work decriminalisation in South Africa (some of my handiwork is visible here under 'handy downloads'). I'm also responsible for most of the domestic work in our household, which is relatively substantial since my partner and I both work from home. I'm also trying to write a book about power dynamics in relationships, though like any big writing project this tends to go on the backburner as other things that come up.

I'm also quite active on social media, mostly along the lines of posting interesting articles I've read, plus writing that is less academic. This all goes up on my blog, if you're particularly interested. I also travel a fair amount for fun and academic reasons.
I’m really good at
Reading, writing, talking. Arguing. Learning things.
Being sociable and agreeable
Laughing
Affection
Listening
Accepting criticism
Finding things out on the internet
Being happy with things
The first things people usually notice about me
If I'm out partying, that I'm showing more skin and generally looking more fabulous than is typical for boy-gendered persons. I like to be touched, but I like even more to be asked permission first.

I have dimples. Actually it's more that my entire face creases up when I smile. But I think this counts.

That I know a lot about a lot and I'm not afraid of showing it. That I like to have arguments, and to be told when I don't know as much as I think I do.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't keep lists of this sort of thing, what I like changes too frequently. I'll give a general flavour, and you can ask me if you're interested in specifics. :)

I generally love non-fiction books of all kinds, anything which teaches me something I didn't know. A non-exhaustive list of topics: philosophy, maths, anthropology, economics, biology, physics, chemistry, gender studies, urban planning, politics, linguistics, sociology, etc, etc. I read fiction less frequently, and generally stick with things that friends recommend or that gets good reviews. And I love sci-fi and speculative fiction.

I love movies, and my tastes here are also pretty diverse. I'll watch anything from stupid action flicks to slow arthouse dramas.

I don't actually "listen" to music a lot, so I don't have any favourites really. Many people reckon that this is unacceptable, but there you go. I'll dance enthusiastically to anything with a beat though. I think these things are related: people who are into music seem to be much more picky about what they're dance to.

Food: anything vegan and tasty. And quantity has a quality all of its own.
The six things I could never do without
*Books - I'll read anything and everything. At least until I get the basic gist and they start repeating themselves. Then onto the next book!
*An internet connection - again, reading anything and everything
*Sex - A lot of my satisfaction derives from getting other people off (or assisting while they do it themselves).
*Physical affection - I tend to solicit cuddles whenever appropriate.
*Travel
*Smart people to talk to - and ideally argue with
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How things work. How to improve the way I think about things (very meta, I know). All the stuff on my books list. Sex. Relationships. Fun stuff to do wherever I'm currently residing or visiting. Brain chemistry and why different drugs have the effects they do. "Man, drugs are awesome, I should really do more of them!". Whether my OKCupid profile gives an accurate impression of my actual personality.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hopefully with people I care about. The other details don't matter so much.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like going to my partner's profile and then checking out "Similar users". She's just that great

I've also written a 'sex menu' - a doc describing everything (I can think of) that I like and dislike sexually. A friend of mine has actually written an article about the concept. I'm kinda evangelical about it, as I think poor sexual communication is a source of major pain and heartache, so please ask me about it if you're interested!
You should message me if
I have some quite emotionally intense romantic relationships in my life already, and I'm on here primarily to make new connections somewhere on the 'pals' to 'occasional sex buddies' spectrum. I really do mean the pals thing, btw - I make some excellent conversation on a number of topics, so please get in touch if that sounds appealing!
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