I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star,
With degrees from both Harvard and Yale!
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine-
I've had far better sex while in jail!

I designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour! I cook the world's best duck flambé! I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me! I don't need these lines to get laid!

*So kiss me, I'm shitfaced-*

okay no. I’m a 23 year old male, living in Bury St Edmunds. I know it says "Great Barton" or some crap like that, but that's the closest I could find that OkCupid would actually recognise :) I’ve been told I’m a pretty nice person, and sensitive and a good listener and stuff, but I really have nooo idea where people get that shit from.

I'm sarcastic, cynical, and mostly quite soft spoken, though I have a loud and opinionated side that mostly only comes out on internet forums. I'm curious and open minded, and I like accumulating interesting experiences, anecdotes, and people. By which I mean, as friends, or sources of fond memories. I don't have a collection of quirky people locked in my basement, or anything. Shit, I don't even *have* a basement! Just so we're clear.

I don't really know what I'm looking for in terms of a relationship. Intimacy would be cool, friendship would be nice, horrific first-date stories to act as conversation fodder are acceptable...

My personality awards are right on the mark, actually.

Currently working as a "Resource Administrator". If you find out what that means, then for the love of god, please message me and tell me, before I get called on it. So far it seems to involve a lot of message taking, typing, and general office work. And getting up at 8:45 am, which is the part of the job I am least enthusiastic about, but they pay me money and don't seem to mind the fact that I am an incompetent spazz, so I'm totally gonna stick this one out.

I don't really grok people who want a job that "challenges" them. Ideally I'd like an awesome job that didn't challenge me at all, that I was completely and totally a natural at and did far better than anyone else. I'm not totally lazy, or anything; I mean, I work as well as I can at what I do, to do otherwise is to be a parasite, but hard work isn't always virtuous.

Life's more about Play then Work, anyway, and I'm far more enthusiastic about my entertainment then I am about what I do to be able to afford my various distractions and vices :)

I like travel, and want to do more of it. I'm squirreling away money like some kind of... capitalist squirrel, so I'll be able to go back to America, and possibly to Australia or Japan or wherever else takes my fancy.

Been reading a ton of Neil Gaiman and also A Bridge Too Far recently. I really need to read something vaguely intellectual before my brain melts. House of Leaves lies underneath my coffee table, mocking me. Fuck you, House of Leaves. I'm not smart enough to enjoy you, but I accept that, you pretentious pile of poorly formatted drivel.

Uhhh... computer games, roleplaying, general geekery, reading those weird SCUBA diving tables that help you work out whether or not you'll die of nitrogen poisoning if you go diving again within the next hour, criticizing the tactics of the hapless idiots in horror movies to anyone who'll even pretend to listen, I'm serious, don't watch Quarantine with me, ever, getting lost and not minding too much, being logical and calm.

Editors

• LittleMissSilly

I have no idea, myself, so I decided to ask my friends, and then quote them. This was a terrible fucking idea, because they all said some variation of "You look like you lost your way to Hogwarts", which I think is a sign that I need new friends.

I guess if you asked people that weren't goddamn nerds, they'd probably comment on how tall I am, or that I usually have a sort of dreamy, vacant expression.

Books: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Only Forward by Michael Marshall Smith. The Player of Games by Iain M Banks. Of Mice and Men, Travels with Charlie, Cannery Row and Log from the Sea of Cortez by John Steinback. Incompetence by Rob Grant. Revelation Space by Alastair Reynold. About a Boy and A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. All the Harry Potter books. Net Force and Red Storm Rising by Tom Clancy. American Gods and Stardust by Neil Gaiman. What Was Lost by Catherine O'Hara.

I like John Dies at the End and Tales of MU in terms of online novels.

Movies: Cloverfield, Children of Men, Bourne Ultimatum, Dog Soldiers, Serenity, Blues Brothers, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Dawn of the Dead (The FIRST one, you goddamned heathens, though the new one wasn't that bad), Night of the Living Dead, When Harry Met Sally, Love Actually, Ocean's 11, Wall E, Amelie, Doomsday, Shortbus, Grosse Pointe Blanke, Slumdog Millionaire...

Surrealist films generally piss me off, and I think watching 2001: A Space Odyssey is what it feels like to die. In slow motion.

Music: Snow Patrol. Aerosmith. Queen. Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Crash Test Dummies. Eels. Foo Fighters. Radiohead. Robbie Williams. Bloodhound Gang. System of a Down. Tenacious D. Dresden Dolls. Fat boy Slim.

Food: Spaghetti Bolognaise. Burger and chips. Ben and Jerries Half Baked. And candy! Like most kinds of sweets.

Computers. Books. Sarcasm. The Internet. Love. Desserts that have the word "chocolate" in the description more than twice.

...Like, everything. Love, philosophy, whether the monster from Cloverfield would win against all the Transformers, myself, myself, myself, why people act the way they do... I daydream constantly.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am fascinated by human sexuality and its near infinite variation, despite being rather boringly vanilla myself. You're all just so weird and wonderful, dammit. Especially you over there. Yeah, you, the chick in the Minnie Mouse dominatrix get up. I just want to poke you all with a stick, or something!

Asleep. Staying up talking on AIM. Playing computer games. Out drinking, though I prefer the "Wandering around, going to a comedy club, and then sitting under a tree somewhere and talking about random stuff, possibly in the middle of a roundabout" kind of drinking, to the "Go to a pub, sit at a table, stare at the people around you while they text on their phones, and then decide to just down shots until it all seems less boring" kind of drinking that I normally tag along on.

Eh, I don't really have secrets... ask me anything you want and I'll tell you. Most of the "most private" stuff is probably sexual in nature, and not everyone wants to hear about that.

...you're anything like the kind of girl referenced in this quote:

"You could tell she was bright from her face. Bright and forward-looking and relaxed and intelligent about the way she led her life. American girls often were. They took their lives into their own hands- that was what they had been brought up to do- and made the most of them on their own terms. Not like us Brits, Brown thought, lugubriously fulfilling the duties of our moribund society."

although not necessarily American, just not... y'know... boring. Do you read, madam? Do you think about what you read? I specifically told the agency I wanted a girl who thinks about what she reads.

Or, alternatively, for any damn reason you feel like.