My profile is a randomly updated patchwork of absurdist thoughts and borderline insanity. That's my world, and I like it that way.

After what's getting treacherously close to a decade of debaucherous bastardry and refusing to grow up, I've decided it's time to start giving priority to things I actually want to achieve in life. For me, that's pretty much art, writing and film, not necessarily in that order either.
Comedy is, more or less, my thing. It's fairly absurdist, and quite blue. Take a moment, and imagine a Picasso painting. Now imagine it covered in dicks. That's not actually what I do at all (I was reliably informed I'd be arrested if I tried), but now you've thought about it, you can't unthink it!
I write over at The Jerk Manifesto, which will probably end up being an online novel. I hear it's a laugh riot.
In all seriousness though, you couldn't imagine the crime spree you have to go on just to get a comedy troupe started these days. The trick is to not get yourself arrested.

Polishing my monacle. That's not a euphemism for masturbation, by the way. I'm talking about an actual monacle. It goes with my collapsible top hat, which I wear to lord it over everybody, 90's style. 1890's style, to be precise.

Often I might be inclined to remind the riffraff of their manners when talking to gentry, usually with a savage cane beating. It's good ettiquite.

I rarely go anywhere without making an impression. The jury is still out on whether or not this is to my detriment. Still, the jury is currently working their way through the larceny, kidnapping, public indecency, fraud, perjury, light treason, trafficking of contraband, verbal assault of a presiding judge, assault of the jury, bribery, assaulting the judge again, extortion, sexually assaulting my legal representation for the awful job I've been doing of representing myself in court, indecent exposure, and contempt of court. Also an unpaid toll fine.
So really, if you think about it, the impression I make is probably low on the list of their priorities.

Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan, The First Law series by Joe Abercrombie, the Sandman series of graphic novels by Neil Gaimann, the Watchmen by Alan Moore, and the perpetual awesome that is the Hellblazer comic series.

I like anything that's well written, really. I swear to god though, mention of 'Twilight' makes me vomit incandescent rage.

Bit of a music buff; everything from acoustic to electronic music does it for me (although I'll admit a love affair with metal). Some random picks from my media player include; mastodon, lamb of god, tori amos, opeth, deftones, august burns red, machine head, glassjaw, tool, sasha, meshuggah, isis, NIN, god forbid, andy mckee, bjork, coheed & cambria, HURT, killswitch engage, parkway drive, apocalyptica.
I play guitar, well enough to pass muster, and have a love affair with chamber strings. I wish I had learned both piano and drums.

My slaves. God knows where we'd be as a society without unpaid manual labour! I don't own many (I'm no Colonel Sanders), and they're terrible at their jobs, so it's just as well I don't feed them or pay them. I mean, seriously, whatever happened to taking a little pride in your work? In fact, I'm thinking of taking them back to the place I kidnapped them from right now. Bunch of ingrates.

Whether or not I could make money selling 'status updates' on Facebook. If late night advertisements have taught me anything, it's that there's blonde women of questionable pedigree waiting to hear from me, and a free set of steak knives if I call in the next 20 minutes! Which, honestly, seems a bit out of place. Steak knives? Still, they're always going on about how they want to 'heat things up', maybe they just want to cook for me. Seems a bit steep at $6 a minute, really. For that kind of price I'd at least like to cop a feel.

Well on my way to fogetting the preceeding 12 hours. And probably on the way to paying for it with the following 12 hours.

If you're capable of intelligent conversation. Or, alternately (and just as fun) if you're capable of unintelligible conversation.

Takes all kinds.