Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

SmileNaked

36 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Today – 7:49pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Dropped out of two-year college
Job
Administration
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Has kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm a simple man. Yet, explaining myself is complicated.
I'm an introvert living an increasingly extroverted life.
I was once referred to as "the world's most harmless pervert."
I like to think I've elevated the hashtag to an art form.

I am in an open relationship with the incomparably wonderful trillianmours. She will probably want to meet you. She wants to meet everyone.
What I’m doing with my life
Crunching numbers at the office to pay the bills at home.

Chasing my dreams by filling pages with silly words about global catastrophes, awkward situations, vampire lesbians, and flying sharks. It seems rude to ask people to pay me to do something I have so much fun doing, but that's the goal anyway.
I’m really good at
Writing. See?
The first things people usually notice about me
That I remind them of somebody.
That I'm shorter than I look.
That I'm older than I look.
That there's nothing "ironic" about my outfit. I actually think I look good in this.
That if you don't stop me I'll keep explaining and explaining and explaining and explaining....
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:If I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be Transmetropolitan, a graphic novel by Warren Ellis. I read it years ago, but I still think about all the time. Close seconds would be anything by Sarah Vowell and David Sedaris (I know, I'm a Portland Cliche). I just recently enjoyed the audiobooks of Ready Player One by Ernest Kline, Bossypants by Tina Fey, and John Dies At The End by David Wong.

TV: I like to think I have discerning tastes, but when I think about what I spend my time watching instead of reading, I'm pretty sure I'm just lying to myself. Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Rachel Maddow are my only link to the real world. I'm trying to spend more time writing and less time watching TV, but when I do watch TV it's probably Supernatural, Fringe, Game of Thrones, Community, Modern Family, Breaking Bad, Falling Skies, Burn Notice, The Newsroom, Happy Endings, and Warehouse 13. From across the pond, I've enjoyed Sherlock, Being Human, Life On Mars, and I will always drop everything for the next episode of Doctor Who.

Movies: This is a can of f**king worms right here.

Music: Nerdcore. If you don't know what that is, Google it. You're welcome.

Food: I lived in China for two years, and even though I didn't really like it there, Chen's Good Taste in Chinatown is the only authentic Chinese food I can find, and it's actually become a kind of comfort food for me some parts of the year. Aside from that, the usual sushi, pizza, and a good burger is all it takes to keep me happy.
The six things I could never do without
1. A balanced approach to the comedy and tragedy of life.
2. Absurdism.
3. Symmetrical coincidences.
4. An escape route.
5. Quiet time.
6. Deadpan humor.
7. A healthy skepticism towards the establishment.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Ice cream flavor naming schemes. The opposite of maybe. Which first string characters have to die. Why my gay friends don't hit on me more. Who put the "bop" in the "bop-she-bop." Whether or not I should enlist a Cognitive Interpreter for this. Why nobody else noticed the spider is missing. The number of times I say "okay" in a day. The best way to start the next paragraph. The price of tea in China. Regenerating.
On a typical Friday night I am
Arguing with myself over character motivations vs juvenile male fantasy, how much unproven scientific theory to lean my science fiction plot on, or which friends to chance offending by basing flawed characters off them.

Or listening to an old episode of MST3K while I do dishes. That's actually a rather high possibility.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I enjoy musicals way more than a straight man should.

I will secretly judge you on your usage of "there," "their," and "they're."

If I owned a chainsaw I would stencil the words "Everything's Fine" on the side, because I think that's funny.

There are too many people in my "favorites" list, because I convince myself that I'll have the nerve to write to you later. Seriously, I think I have a condition.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 25–35
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
If you think you can beat me at Scrabble, you're also in or curious about open/poly relationships, we "chose each other" in the Quickmatch game, you want to be the Martha Jones to my Jack Harkness, or you're tired of waiting for me to work up the nerve to message you. (See above mention on being an introvert.)

If you have gotten messages from me don't worry, I'm not just Unicorn Hunting or Bootie Calling. I have no interest in spending sexy-time with anyone I wouldn't want to spend non-sexy-time with too. (Yes, I just called it "sexy-time." I'm twelve.)