Hi, my name is Jerome. I’m a writer and a wannabe chef.
I say wannabe chef, because I want to be, but I screwed up my chance to go to school. I’m now paying for those mistakes; thus preventing me from going now. I cook, a lot; I love food, too much.
Sometimes I hate myself, not all the time, but sometimes I just loath me. Other times I just despise me. There are times I tolerate myself, but 68-85% of the time, I’m ok with me.
I have a hard time making decisions. Sometimes I can 10 minutes or more to pick something on the menu…I wanna try everything.
I am a very shy person. I normally can’t talk to women, unless it’s at work. I don’t know why, I want to talk, I want to have a normal conversation with a woman, but when I try I get all flustered and it doesn’t come out right. Most of the time I start feeling nauseous and just freeze, not able to say more than “hi”. I'd feel too intimidated, too...unworthy, I guess. I can look a woman in the eyes, and feel like a pervert. If I try to force myself to say something and start talking I get bogged down with anxiety.
I’ve only been in about five relationships. The last relationship didn’t work out well. She used me, stole from me and hurt me, badly; thus pushing me further into my shell.
I’m fairly submissive. I bend to others wills easier then I should; I just want them to accept me.
I don’t want you to read this and think, “Wow, this guy is a loser”. I want you to read this and say, “Wow, this guy is honest. And understands his flaws.” I know I’m a good person, I have good friends and an ok life. I want someone to share it with, to grow with.