I have ended relationships over the appropriate use of emoticons and I have no doubt that I shall do so again. I fucking love dogs. I befriend the little m'fuckers wherever they're at.
But enough about me.
I can hold my breath for, like, a seriously long time. When I take selfies in the mirror, I somehow manage to simultaneously look in the lens and keep the goddamn camera out the goddamn shot. I crush marathons. I'm super-cool under pressure, like Freddy' Mercury's car jack in the Siberian night.
Basically I'm Tyrion Lannister, stuck in the body of Oberyn Martell.