In all honesty, I'm a pretty hateful person. I have a sense of humor dry like overcooked Thanksgiving turkey with no gravy and have been described as a nasty person with a nice streak. I don't like most people and have very little patience for stupidity.

The line forms to the left.

I've recently started writing product descriptions for a stripper-wear website, so I'm technically a professional writer. I'm also (apparently) alienating everyone on OKC.

giving advice (asked for or not), being honest (brutally sometimes), making out, hula hooping, one liners, finding porn on the internet, organizing and planning, giving unique gifts, masturbating, fixing things, entertaining myself, telling stories, listening, cutting my own hair, making lemonade from life's lemons

My latest DIY hair creation and my quirky taste in clothes.

Books
My favorite authors are Clive Barker, David Sedaris, Dorothy Parker, and Margaret Atwood. I'm a big fan of post apocalyptic fiction like The Stand, Oryx and Crake, World War Z, and The Road (although it didn't live up to the hype). I also like reading popular science and books about sexuality and gender. I'll read just about anything though. I devour books.
Some of my other favorite books are: Wicked, Valley of the Dolls, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Bell Jar, Peyton Place, I Love You Beth Cooper, Requiem for a Dream, The Witches of Eastwick, Martha Stewart: Just Desserts, American Gods, Popism, The Dark Tower series, Bridget Jones's Diary, Good Omens, Practical Demon Keeping, Maia, Maurice

Television
I'm obsessed with television and watch far too much of it. Favorites include: America's Next Top Model, The Sarah Silverman Program, Heroes, Project Runway, 30 Rock, Chelsea Lately, Nip/Tuck, Real Housewives of..., Big Love, L Word, Weeds, Summer Heights High, Little Britain, Ab-Fab, How It's Made, anything about the Bible and/or sex on TLC or the History Channel

Movies
I'm not going to list every movie that I like because I don't feel like it. I like anything by John Waters or Christopher Guest. I love any movie in which women are bitchy to one another. Horror movies are great, but I'm picky about them. I also love foreign films and bizarre yet thought-provoking art films.

Music
Tori Amos, Peaches, Scissor Sisters, Ani Difranco, PJ Harvey, Chicks on Speed, Goldfrapp, Ladyhawke, Over the Rhine, Miss Kittin, Gravy Train!!!, Freezepop, Ida Corr, Roisin Murphy, The Gossip, Matmos. I also have a secret love of really cheesy dance music and deliciously awful europop.

Food
I love to cook, but I'm super lazy, so I live on convenience foods. I'm pretty sure all of the preservatives are going to grant me eternal life.

Books, laughter, the 99¢ Store, time alone, friends, masturbation

What's going on with my hair & where that smell is coming from

I'm actually a lot nicer than my self-summary would lead you to believe. I also wish i knew someone named funk_bag.

you pray on it and Baby Jesus tells you it's OK.