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Smithschick

29 F Orlando, FL

My Details

Last Online
Apr 21
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
Other
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Anything
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English, Spanish

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My self-summary
Well, I am some what of an anarchist in the sense that I like to masturbate. Most of my free time is divided equally between masturbation and church activities, with a strong emphasis on masturbation DURING church activities. Often times I find myself masturbating to after school specials. If you are a lonely male who enjoys the smell of rotting meat, I will probably bang you.
What I’m doing with my life
Turning weird into a science, apparently. Majoring in eccentric cat lady with a minor in self destructive fallacies. Fluent in drunk languages of all sorts.
I’m really good at
Mediocre hand jobs. Like the kind you got in middle school. From yourself.
The first things people usually notice about me
"Hey, you look just like that girl from ICarly. Can I buy you a drink?"

Sure thing buddy, however I'm pretty sure that makes one of us a pedophile. Cheers.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Asimov
Bukowski
Huxley
A. Miller
Vonnegut
Hemingway
Kafka
Burroughs
Tolstoy
Fowles
R. R. Martin
The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich
Poe
Oates
D. Adams
Tolkien
Hunter S. Thompson
All things World War ll related

Apocalypse Now
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Waking Life
The Human Centipede
Clockwork Orange
Dr. Strangelove
Kontrol
Chinatown
Taxadermia
Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?
West Side Story
The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Game of Thrones
Breaking Bad
The Twilight Zone
The Walking Dead
Unsolved Mysteries
Star Trek TNG
Parks and Recreation
To Catch A Predator
Kitchen Nightmares

Buddy Holly
Sam Cooke
Smiths
Eels
elefant
The Bee Gees
Sneaker Pimps
Dandy Warhols
Fugees
Blonde Redhead
Billie Holiday
Ramones
Massive Attack
Velvet Undergound
Libertines
Kid Cudi
Ween
Ella Fitzgerald
Beach Boys
Elliot Smith
Portishead
Anything you can cry and fuck to simultaneously.

Oh and hummus. Lots and lots of hummus.
The six things I could never do without
Pride
Gluttony
Lust
Wrath
Avarice
Sloth

I also envy those able to compose witty lists, but honestly it's a vice I could live without.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Buddhism, crossword puzzles, stimulating reading materials, helper elves, listening to drunk people wax philosophical about life, trip hop, dive bars, scepticism, human depravity, cats, serial killers, obscure ways to say fuck off in old timey slang ("go push a trolley"), Epicureanism, the lost art of self depreciation, moral ambiguity, tzatiki, how to avoid my mother's phone calls, insomnia, infomercials (see: insomnia), lucid dreaming, making matzo ball soup, science fiction, declaring unsatisfactory places as dead to me (e.g. Red Slobster), coffee.

Heavy shit, bro.
On a typical Friday night I am
Ideally, engaging in a mutual blowing of minds with a mysterious stranger. Realistically, floundering about like a gin soaked degenerate in a shallow attempt to distract myself from the futility of life. Then, IHOP.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
A semen soaked pair of crocs into evidence for the defence. Only applies under the eventuality that I am charged with the murder of my future spouse/boss. My thinking goes like this: "But your honor, he was wearing crocs for god sakes! He ejaculated whilst wearing crocs!" The semen is optional but I think it adds a nice touch.
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 24–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You have a picture of yourself grinning and holding a fish you just caught.

You're already composing an overly ambitious response that details your fifth grade masturbatory efforts.

You want to buy the movie rights to my life and turn it into a PG-13 romantic comedy starring that girl from ICarly.

You reek of the sour musk of desperation.