29 / F / Straight / Single
Portland, Oregon
GIS troll / student

inspiring cats and dogs to get along, except i dislike cats, and i think the cats can tell and the dogs surely pick up on it cuz they can smell like everything, including fear farts, so i should probably get fired.

if i were fired from life, i wouldn't have to worry about being nice to people, or in my case, being less mean to them because i'm really not that nice of a person, especially to people who might not be my preferred combination of intelligent and socially intelligent and self-aware and self-deprecating and not too confident but definitely not insecure and not obsessed and kinda lost but actually totally found. i'm pretty sure i don't even meet my own standards, so it's a good thing there aren't two of me trying to be friends cuz one of me would be like, dude, you're full of yourself and think you've got it ALL figured out, don't you, and you're annoying cuz you just do shit and make noise and won't shut up and are wayyy too literal and joke about everything and troll everyone and why can't you just be nice sometimes like a friendly person so i don't have to fear your horrid snark-asm when i just want to pour my heart out for one tiny goddamn second. and then my selves would get in a slapping/punching/stabbing fight and we'd both be dead. so it's a good thing there's just one of me cuz i'm already close to slapping/punching/stabbing myself half the time, and the rest of the world the other half. except i'm not really angry and not really close to doing those things to myself, but probably cuz i make sure to spend a lot of time alone, usually working/dog-hugging/reading/cleaning/biking/studying/being/trolling/sleeping.

anyways, i haven't gotten fired yet from life, so FTFY

maybe i should start drinking again. then we can get shit fucked up.

the alphabet. i can say it inside out.

also counting. i can add subtract multiply divide integrate differentiate square square root regress log the shit out of it inverse the matrix until you cry and confidence interval your face off.

i like science and turtles

the desperate, lonely look in my eyes

i'm an empty essay fill me up

i like books and movies but not shows if you're talking about music shows cuz i get distracted by all the faces and i just end up staring at faces and apparently my staring is scary so i don't go to music shows b/c it's just torture to not stare. i like music and food, though i usually prefer food during movies not books, and music during transit rides and not food.

there are 8 things i could never do without so i don't know how to fill this out. please halp me.

what is wrong with everyone else

where is my dog, did she eat more carpet yet

not being so gross but i can't help it it just bubbles out

tomorrow will be a better day, right

sleeping cuz i party on sunday morning with jesus, if you call partying sleeping in and dreaming sexy times, but not with jesus, except maybe jesus cuz sometimes the sexy times are faceless, which is disconcerting later when i recognize the bottom half in real life one night after sexy times

that i know how to capitalize and use grammar

i like you

you should not message me if you write things like:
"i'm [just] a sensitive/nice/fun/loving/romantic guy, looking for love/that special someone/____ girl".
"lol/haha"
"i'm good at sex"
"i'm a great ____"

or if you can't spell.

i will make fun of you and you probably won't get it and it'll just be awkward.