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33 Indianapolis, IN Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–32
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 8:52pm
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body type
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I tell jokes good. I speak English bad.

I have very strong opinions. Many of them about birds.

I don't keep gift cards for more than 12 hours after I receive them.

I have weird arms. They're awesome. If you don't think they are, you're probably into lame stuff like "human body symmetry."

My hands also make great sex toys. I call my left hand the Cyclone. It's essentially a heated dildo.

I am not afraid to message you if you live far away. I cast a wide net.

I play a lot of video games. I'm pretty good, even for a dude with full hands. I am learning to speedrun some stuff.

I've been on television. I'm still not as famous as my brother who discovered a fish that looks like a dick.

I made the front page of Upworthy though, so, catching up!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I talk about my dick and people give me a check afterwards.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making people laugh. Dr. Mario. Having too much obscure pro-wrestling knowledge. Eating buffalo wings.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I think it's obvious... I wear glasses. I'm just like you. I don't want to be treated any differently.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - The Dark Tower series by Stephen King, The Stand

Movies - The Wedding Singer, What Dreams May Come, Good Will Hunting, Stranger Than Fiction, Rat Race, Cloverfield, The Wrestler, Rachel Getting Married, Shopgirl, Crazy Stupid Love

Shows - South Park, West Wing, Psych, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother, Scrubs, Cheers, The Simpsons, Cheers

Music - Blue October, Nine Days, Sister Hazel, Alpha Rev, Matchbox 20, Goo Goo Dolls

Food - My mom's pizza casserole, spaghetti, and I swear to you I would have you all cast away into the wilderness for a lifetime's supply of buffalo wings
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Standup comedy
2) Sports (yes, I'm a stereotypical dude - go Cubs, Dolphins, and Clippers!)
3) Good conversation
4) Video games
5) Buffalo wings
6) You, probably. You seem all right.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why so many girls on here think they're so sarcastic. You're not. Stop it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Telling jokes. Probably about you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You ask, I'll tell you. I'm not that private a guy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You think you can keep up. If you can take a joke and are not easily offended. If you can spell. I'm a super picky guy, so try to impress me. It's okay if you're not perfect. It's not okay if you're boring. Bring something to me I can work with. Don't waste my time. Sounds harsh, but I'm a busy guy. If you can't dazzle me, I can't be bothered.

I don't care how "hot" you are. I've been with hot women. I don't need a hot woman. We're all going to look like English bulldogs one day anyway.

Also, if you proclaim how sarcastic you are, don't bother. Because you're not nearly as witty and sarcastic as you think you are. I promise.