I have very strong opinions. Many of them about birds.
I don't keep gift cards for more than 12 hours after I receive them.
I have weird arms. They're awesome. If you don't think they are, you're probably into lame stuff like "human body symmetry."
My hands also make great sex toys. I call my left hand the Cyclone. It's essentially a heated dildo.
I am not afraid to message you if you live far away. I cast a wide net.
I play a lot of video games. I'm pretty good, even for a dude with full hands. I am learning to speedrun some stuff.
I've been on television. I'm still not as famous as my brother who discovered a fish that looks like a dick.
I made the front page of Upworthy though, so, catching up!