Vernacular spectacular.

*Skip to "The most private thing.." for the small print*

Fetish, moi? An erotic vagrant: erotic, exotic & a little chaotic...

Easy-going, temperamental, hyper, slothful, thick-skinned, over-sensitive, witty, droll, scatty, controlled yet by no means tame, intelligentish (but like to invent words), open, enigmatic, delicate, tough, contradictory.

Shady lady. Pierced. Tattooed. Tweezaholic. Frenetic. Poet. Cheeky. Wit. Foodie. Oenophile. Dark humourist. Playful. Sunshine seeker. Water baby. P/T Narcoleptic. Grammatist. Feeler. Kinky. Switch. Wordsmith. Leftie. Observer. Social Media Geek. Pan.

Proud diddakoi.

I like to view myself in Polaroid. Bad habits include mild involuntary twitching, hair-obsessing, sleep-fighting, spell-checking others (I am a pedant), but over-punctuating (!!) & readjusting my glasses when they’re not there. I could sit in my head for hours not uttering a word; equally I could emphatically talk my way across the Atlantic.

I like my meat on the bone and appreciate a strong jawline. A raised eyebrow, sly look & a coy smile; the twinkle in the eye gets me every time...

I'm 'into' politics, activism, equality, the environment, psychology, criminology, sociology. I love a debate (though not all the time, and I can back down) - I am highly opinionated! That said, if you're right wing, we're not gonna make it.

Also: brick walls, Top Trumps, inappropriateness, hair-obsessing, Twister, stationery, T.N.A, crowns, plush velvet drapes and sumptuous silk cushions, red wine, castles, oceans, LEGO, body adornment, grammatical correctness, drinking on the beach, summer rain, Welsh accents, Scottish faces, robot rock, sharp edges, skating on thin ice, bubble blowing, fetish clubs, intrepid exploration, tomfoolery, stripes.

I am intelligent, attractive, and highly complex. I'm not bisexual, I'm pansexual, but OK Stupid doesn't have an 'other' option - how very archaic!

I'm just your average Thundercat Ho.

I work in Social Media on a freelance basis. I spend far too much time online (goes with the territory), and have too many shoes and clothes, most of which now reside in the loft along with a small Polish family *cries*.

Making people laugh. Taking a joke. Innuendos. Debating. Sewing by hand. Designing clothes. Clumsiness (not really a skill, granted). Amateur hairdressing. Grammar/spelling (and pedantry!). Cooking. Sympathy/empathy. Supportiveness and tough love. Honesty. Flying solo. Cuddles. Being inappropriate & slicing people into neat strips with cutting comments (this is often though not exclusively a form of flattery). Ridiculous pointing. Wine claw (please ask for clarification should you desire it).

Piercings. Eyes. Razor-sharp wit. Inappropriate jokes. Cleavage. Bluntness. Openness. Maybe that I don't look my age?

Books/authors: love Ballard, Kerouac, Bukowski, Murakami and Burroughs. Also Mark Billingham and Peter James. To Kill a Mockingbird, The Primal Wound (Verrier), Oxford English Dictionary: my library's extensive.

Film: Labrynth, Dead Man's Shoes, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Lilya 4-ever, American History X, A Clockwork Orange, This Is England, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Secretary, The Human Centipede! I have a penchant for B movies.

TV: Dexter, Californication, True Blood, Buzzcocks, SOA, This Is England, documentaries, Chris Morris & Charlie Brooker.

Music: Sleigh Bells, Shed Seven, Justice, Depeche Mode, MSTRKRFT, Death From Above 1979, Bowie, Skunk Anansie, YYYs, MC Solaar, The Cure, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, Pearl Jam, Blur, Nirvana, Gainsbourg, J5, Chromeo, Vitalic, JME, The Red Elvises, Too Many DJs, Public Enemy, The Rakes, RHCP, Bryan Ferry/Roxy Music, Gary Numan, The Kinks, Prince, Krafty Kuts, Peaches, Neil Diamond, Kate Bush, Foos, Wax Tailor, FNM, The Maccabees, The Knife, Kings Of Leon, Le Tigre, Urban Voodoo Machine…

Food - I like it. A lot. Mostly all of it except mushrooms/ offal/celery. Favourites include S E Asian/Indonesian, Japanese, pizza, soul food, pork, cheese and seafood. I'm wheat intolerant so try to avoid it as much as possible, but sometimes cave!

Mascara. iPhone. Tweezers. Cheese. Red wine. Music. Laughter. Love & affection. Literature. Smoked salmon. Passport. eBay. Hair dye. The ocean. Bacon. Sunsets. Friends. Stripes. Hats.

I can do without rules, as you can tell...

Life, love, people I care about, politics, music, what colour to dye my hair next, manners, people's lack of understanding/sympathy, proper use of the English language and why so many people are lazy with it. *something* relating to my religious upbringing...

In the pub, at home, with friends at their place, or on a train to somewhere with different pubs. Usually.

I (generally) have a high sex-drive and am not vanilla. I don't find that kind of comment particularly private, least of all on a dating site. That in no ways means I will sleep with you straight away, and doesn't mean you should feel free to pester me for sex. Kinky does not = easy. I'm not currently into poly/couples (threesomes are out for now) or casual sex. Neither do I care for seeing pictures of your dick, unless we're already ensconced. Thanks.

You're genuinely looking to meet up in person and have a laugh.
You're not a flake; time-wasters need not apply.
You value and practise honesty - are straightforward and direct (essential).

You want to take me on a date to David Bowie is, The Tower of London, Simon Drake's House of Magic or Dungeness (highly desirable).
You can help me learn French (not essential).
You want a travel buddy (highly desirable).

You can construct a decent message without using text speak and don't use ELL-OH-ELL (not too often, at any rate!). I'm a grammar/spelling pedant so make an effort (of course, if you're dyslexic I will go easy).

You lean to the left/middle left politically and support feminism and equality for all (essential).

You have a super-sharp sense of humour and a filthy mind.
You're tactile, flirty and affectionate without veering into molester territory (essential).
You can read body language.

You aren't afraid of discussing foetus in foetu.
You know when the narwhal bacons.

I have no expectations, but I'm not here to waste my time or yours, and long dialogue before meeting doesn't appeal (despite my lengthy profile!). Similarly, if I'm not interested/you live beyond a commutable distance/you don't have a photo to share, don't fit my age requirements/don't bother to send a non-standardised message, I probably won't respond to your email, but thank you anyway and all the best.

Congratulations if you made it all the way to the end of this profile triathlon! You truly are a tenacious sort.