Generally, all I'm really looking for is someone who, when I drift off to sleep during a breezy summer picnic in Central Park, won't try to pile up little chunks of cheese on my head to attract squirrels. But perhaps my expectations are unrealistic....

Professionally, I'm pretty much your run-of-the-mill former-investment-banker, former-sitcom-writer, non-practicing-attorney, MBA'd private-equity-investing entrepreneur, writer and occasional stand-up comic. Thinking of chucking it all and going to clown college...but I plan to major in clown economics, so I can get a good job in clown finance.

Enjoy most of the things that everyone else says they enjoy, and a few they don't. Personal favorites include - restaurants, lounges, movies, live performances, skiing (the athletic kind they do in Aspen, not the druggy kind they do - well, also in Aspen), traveling, hunting for 'gators in the sewers. Often communicate in coherent sentences - but apparently not at the moment.

Does anyone else wonder why one of my 'similar users' is Amish?

I recently sold a short story titled "Love in the Time of Zombie Apocalypse." That's a thing, right? [Buy it on Amazon! Yes, I'm totally advertising in my OKCupid profile!]

Since I'm generally overflowing with competence, how 'bout three things I'm NOT good at:
- buying furniture. Anyone have a really comfortable modern sectional they can recommend? UPDATE: sofa delivered today!
- determining when it's time to throw away leftover take-out. The day-old sandwich I'm gnawing on right now would choke a goat.
- marketing and PR. What, I can't have a serious answer?

That my pants are on backwards. Kris-Kross'll make you jump, jump!!

I do enjoy a good curry.

- clean, dry underpants
- that feeling you get when you finally figure out the answer to a really nasty problem, possibly involving an old friend and the body of an unusually attractive sheep in a hotel room in Vegas. Perhaps I've said too much....
- socks. 'Cause who wants to chafe?
- righteous indignation, sometimes directed at ghosts.
- pie
- my belief that anyone who claims to REALLY know what's going on is to be avoided like a syphilitic sewer rat, especially if their reality posits a deity who requires frequent reassurance that he is a particularly excellent and unique deity, obedience to a man in an unusual hat, cash donations or any combination of the above.

Comedy. Zombies. Comic zombies. Whether it would be worth re-learning Black-Scholes math, just to be able to read the articles pointing out that Black and Scholes didn't know sh*t from Shinola.....

Sitting silently in the dark, going over the names on my 'enemies list.'

I should be asleep right now.

You're smarter than I am. Really, I'm not asking for much here....