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28 Brooklyn, NY Woman


I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 28–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Dec 16
5′ 0″ (1.52m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Working on masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and has cats

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So this guy has been feeling pretty sad and decides to go see a psychologist. After a few visits things aren't looking much brighter. He goes in for his regular session and when the doctor asks how he is the man responds, "I'm so depressed that I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I've thought about it a lot and have decided that I want to kill myself by the end of the week. There is nothing you can say or do to change my mind." The psychologist looks at him, takes a deep breath and says, "I understand that it is very hard for you to carry on but please do me one favor. Shammy the clown is performing tonight, he is the funniest act around. Go to the show, if Shammy doesn't make you laugh and give you a change I heart then clearly nothing will." A moment passed and the man looked up, "But Doc, I am Shammy the clown."

Academic. Psychedelic. Poet. Recluse. Minimalist. Existentialist. Narcissist. Voyeur. Flaneur. Hypo-sensitive. Hyper-aware.

I am both well-rounded and rough around the edges:

5 Interesting facts about me:
1. I am a high school drop out who used to shine shoes for a living in Philadelphia.
2. My best friend and I are working on a comedy show called Retard Sex Party.
3. I interned at the NYC Masonic Library last year.
4. Bryan Lewis Saunders once called me "wild."
5. I collect aprons and can't walk in heels.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
This is redundant. I am going to use this box to write about what I have learned from internet dating so far:
1. All adjectives are relative.
2. While I still don't believe in love at first sight, I now believe in getting my salad tossed by the third date.
3. If you have food poisoning it's best to reschedule a date than bear through it. (Sorry about that)
4. Rohypnol gives me a killer hangover.
5. Internet dating is a lot like having the munchies. You take a hit, look at the fridge, find nothing appetizing, go back to your bed for another hit, lower your standards and check the fridge again. You repeat these steps until you're eating sriracha on slices of lemon. Yum.

But seriously, what am I doing with my life? I ask myself this every morning right before hitting "snooze."

Working (technical services law librarian). Biking (all over Brooklyn). Boxing (training with golden gloves champions). Writing (poems). And as of this last year I've been trying my hand at spoken word. You can have a listen so long as you laugh with me and not at me... Which is easy considering I'm almost always laughing at myself.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Playing the victim.
Using semicolons.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Profile pictures.
Callipygian silhouette.
I smile when I dance.

"I think that 12 year old girl just called me a faggot."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
No way, you like Bukowski too? Let's like get some coffee and talk around it sometime.

Books: Philip Dick; Dostoevsky; Palahniuk; Graham Greene; Neihardt; Samuel Beckett; Italo Calvino; Iceberg Slim; Michael Taussig; Kurt Vonnegut; Donald Goines; Bukowski; Jean Paul Sartre; Paul Auster; Thomas Pynchon; George Bataille; Neruda; Bachelard; Alan Watts; Leonard Cohen; Camus; Ovid; F. Scott Fitzgerald; J. G. Ballard, Hakim Bey.

Music: Toots and the Maytals; Die Antwoord; Atmosphere; Sage Francis; Saul Williams; Sizzla; Daddy Kev; Wax and Herbal T; Joe Nice; Pixies; The Pharcyde; Cab Calloway; Bessie Smith; Aesop Rock; The Books; Tim Fite; People Under the Stairs; Aphex Twin; Deathgrips; Mykki Blanco; Nina Simone; Illogic; Clipping; Diatomaceous Earth.

Movies: By the time I finally make a decision on Netflix I've lost interest in actually watching anything.

TV: 21 Jump Street; Louie; Archer; SVU; The IT Crowd; Curb Your Enthusiasm; An Idiot Abroad, X-Files.

Food: Apparently old lemon slices with sriracha. What can I say, I'm an adventurous eater.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Tuned in, turned on, and toned down.
Playing "Where Isn't Waldo" on the L train.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Secrecy is a method of control we equate with truth; truth communicated is honesty reformed.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can help me with crossword puzzles; you've always had a eye for the tattooed lady; I gave you 4-5 stars; you want to write or bike together (poets move to the front of the line).

Don't bother if you are flaky, poly-amorous, or bland. Seriously gentlemen, these are deal breakers, not ice breakers...

If you've got a light heart, heavy hand, and sharp tongue we might be able to work something out.

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