Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So this guy has been feeling pretty sad and decides to go see a
psychologist. After a few visits things aren't looking much
brighter. He goes in for his regular session and when the doctor
asks how he is the man responds, "I'm so depressed that I can
hardly get out of bed in the morning. I've thought about it a lot
and have decided that I want to kill myself by the end of the week.
There is nothing you can say or do to change my mind." The
psychologist looks at him, takes a deep breath and says, "I
understand that it is very hard for you to carry on but please do
me one favor. Shammy the clown is performing tonight, he is the
funniest act around. Go to the show, if Shammy doesn't make you
laugh and give you a change I heart then clearly nothing will." A
moment passed and the man looked up, "But Doc, I am Shammy the
Academic. Psychedelic. Poet. Recluse. Minimalist. Existentialist.
Narcissist. Voyeur. Flaneur. Hypo-sensitive. Hyper-aware.
I am both well-rounded and rough around the edges:
5 Interesting facts about me:
1. I am a high school drop out who used to shine shoes for a living
2. My best friend and I are working on a comedy show called Retard
3. I interned at the NYC Masonic Library in grad school.
4. Bryan Lewis Saunders once called me "wild."
5. I collect aprons and can't walk in heels.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
This is redundant. I am going to use this box to write about what I
have learned from internet dating so far:
1. All adjectives are relative.
2. While I still don't believe in love at first sight, I now
believe in getting my salad tossed by the third date.
3. If you have food poisoning it's best to reschedule a date than
bear through it. (Sorry about that)
4. Rohypnol gives me a killer hangover.
5. Internet dating is a lot like having the munchies. You take a
hit, look at the fridge, find nothing appetizing, go back to your
bed for another hit, lower your standards and check the fridge
again. You repeat these steps until you're eating sriracha on
slices of lemon. Yum.
6. When you *crack* a joke about analingus on a dating profile
people will assume it's a sexual invitation rather than an
expression of humor. Responses to said comment will vary from
desperate to gross and desperate.
But seriously, what am I doing with my life? I ask myself this
every morning right before hitting "snooze."
I have a fabulous career as a librarian that keeps me busy during
the day. I balance that with hobbies I find both interesting and
challenging (such as boxing, poetry/spoken word and most recently,
learning to play the drums). Unless you count two of the cutest
cats, I live alone and, generally speaking, have my shit together.
I don't quote Marilyn Monroe and I don't take selfies in bar
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Playing the victim.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I smile when I dance.
"I think that 12 year old girl just called me a faggot."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
No way, you like Bukowski too? Let's like get some coffee and talk
around it sometime.
Books: Philip Dick; Dostoevsky; Palahniuk; Graham Greene; Neihardt;
Samuel Beckett; Italo Calvino; Iceberg Slim; Michael Taussig; Kurt
Vonnegut; Donald Goines; Bukowski; Jean Paul Sartre; Paul Auster;
Thomas Pynchon; George Bataille; Neruda; Bachelard; Alan Watts;
Leonard Cohen; Camus; Ovid; F. Scott Fitzgerald; J. G. Ballard,
Music: Toots and the Maytals; Die Antwoord; Atmosphere; Sage
Francis; Saul Williams; Sizzla; Daddy Kev; Wax and Herbal T; Joe
Nice; Pixies; The Pharcyde; Cab Calloway; Bessie Smith; Aesop Rock;
The Books; Tim Fite; People Under the Stairs; Aphex Twin;
Deathgrips; Mykki Blanco; Nina Simone; Illogic; Clipping;
Movies: By the time I finally make a decision on Netflix I've lost
interest in actually watching anything.
TV: 21 Jump Street; Louie; Archer; SVU; The IT Crowd; Curb Your
Enthusiasm; An Idiot Abroad, X-Files.
Food: Apparently old lemon slices with sriracha. What can I say,
I'm an adventurous eater.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Tuned in, turned on, and toned down.
Playing "Where Isn't Waldo" on the L train.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Secrecy is a method of control we equate with truth; truth
communicated is honesty reformed.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can help me with crossword puzzles; you've always had a eye for
the tattooed lady; you want to write or spar (poets move to the
front of the line).
Don't bother if you are flaky, poly-amorous, perpetually drunk or
bland. Seriously gentlemen, these are deal breakers, not ice
If you've got a light heart, heavy hand, and sharp tongue we might
be able to work something out.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.