This is the obligatory token introductory paragraph; it serves the purpose of warning the reader that the following profile is something of a work in progress, albeit a substantial one; it also suggests to the reader that the author's self-impressions may or may not be perfect, and the reader may wish to form their own impressions.

I am a very amorphous person, and very strong. My mood changes very rapidly, and I have a lot of different sides which can predominate in differing strengths and combinations, making my behavior extremely difficult for other people to predict.

I am volatile. I hold great expectations.

People have often referred to me as intimidating, and their words are not entirely without merit: I am ferociously intelligent, passionate, stern, and somewhat unstable. In spite of my harshness, however, there is always laughter within me, and my bark is generally much worse than my bite.

Everything I say is a joke; everything I say is serious.

I seldom laugh at specific people, but I am completely merciless about mocking large groups of people -- I mock race, sex, religion, and anything else I can think of. I think that the concept of "Politically Correct" is horrible evil poison, which should be incinerated and buried, encased in salt and silver, no less than five miles beneath the surface of the Earth. Deserving people should be treated with respect, but ritualistically avoiding certain terms or certain types of jokes does not make you respectful, it makes you an idiot.

I hold that while everyone deserves the chance to earn respect, not everyone succeeds in doing so.

People often notice that I am fairly aggressive. In fact, I'm very aggressive: I love conflict and contests of will; finding and overcoming challenges, being victorious; worthy opponents. However, I am not a slave to it. My natural instinct is the direct approach, the most simple and immediate response that I believe is likely to have desirable results. Sometimes I make a mistake and it blows up in my face, but I've caused myself more heartache by inaction than I ever did by seizing the moment.

In contrast to the previous paragraph, this paragraph details the subject of this profile's deep and lasting affection for subtlety and abstraction, through the deviously obvious mechanism of a self-referential sentence.

I am an empiricist, a rational thinker, and adhere strongly to integral principles. I have relatively spartan, austere beliefs; I'm always in favor of replacing an idea of my own with a better one.

I value my integrity and my self respect more than I value anything else.

I am not a fan of organized religion, and I'm suspicious of worship as a general rule. I don't like deifying things, and I detest zealots. My view of the world is fundamentally scientific, although I do not believe established science is necessarily correct. I'm not against having a set of spiritual beliefs (I have my own, after all), but I like it when people don't take it so fucking seriously -- we'll all die eventually; we can find out what comes after the last great adventure, once we have it.

I am not particular about the personality structure, nor the life style of people I meet, although I insist that my friends' beliefs and practices be founded in measured consideration; there is little that disgusts me more than people who do not question their own beliefs, or do not seek to better themselves.

What I do care about is how much you value beauty, if you would change your mind about an important conception if it was proven wrong, or if you would lie without an extremely good reason(Good reason: gun to your head. Bad reason: to make someone like you). I also do not cope well with people who cannot (or will not) hold a meaningful conversation, who think there is something 'dirty' about sex, or who hold a lot of social taboos without ever honestly evaluating whether they exist for a good reason or not. I am also intolerant of superficiality, laziness, greed, and egocentricity.

I love English and speaking well I have strong opinions about art of all kinds, but I am always looking to expand my aesthetic; there are few things better than discovering a whole new realm of beauty to explore.

I consider myself a scientist, philosopher, and student of the world. I don't believe anything exists 'for a reason', but I do think that combinations of circumstances can bring unexpected wonder(or dread) into a person's life.

I am proud of who I am; I am proud of the life I have lived.

Now that I've spouted enough abstract bullshit about myself, here are some specifics of what I like, my hobbies, and what I want to be when I grow up:

I love forests; oceans and beaches; deserts; mountains; bamboo forests; ocean life; thunderstorms; wind, rain, fog and mist; the moon(especially); the sun; cold, clear nights; Summer nights; all the seasons; frogs(particularly bullfrogs), lakes, and fireflies; and watching the sun and moon rise and set.

I dislike of the mindset that computers somehow "cheapen" life, but I equally dislike people who would rather go to weather.com than look out the window. Computers are a marvelous tool, but I could live without them.

I like cars and driving, and I'm slowly teaching myself car repair. I enjoy building things and taking things apart; I seldom have the money or materials to engage in projects, but when something needs to be put together I usually work out a way to do it. Robotics and IC intrigue me, and I've considered becoming a certified diesel mechanic.

I write poetry, on rare occasions, surreal prose, short stories, and essays. I should probably blog a lot more, because I waste a lot of good ideas by discussing them with myself, when they would make excellent opportunities to better my writing and garner feedback.

I play video games. I'm fairly old school, but I don't turn my nose up at newer games if they warrant the attention. I'm pretty badass in Super Smash Bros: Melee, and I like TFC, StarCraft, Grid Wars, Star Control 2, Alpha Centauri, Spyro, Chrono Trigger, various FF games, Armored Core, and Morrowind. I was a hardcore gamer when I was in my teens, but I've become a lot more laid back about it, as other interests (girlfriends, coding, socializing, dancing, etc) took over. Update: Portal. portal. PORTAL. pOrtAl. PORtaL. Portal. After years, I ran into a game I truly adore. I don't think I need to explain further.

I used to be a skilled contra dancer, but I have yet to find a good local dance to go to in this area, so it's been several years since I did it regularly. I used to waltz during the same time I contra danced, but I would have to get back into it before I could call myself 'good'. I'm considering learning swing or ballroom dancing, and polishing up my waltz, but it's not a huge priority.

I have expertise in programming theory, data structures, system administration, networking, various OSes, hardware, and a variety of scripting and programming languages. I try not to talk about these subjects in mixed company, for fear of boring my compatriots.

There's a lot more to who I am, but if you're curious after reading all that, you'll just have to message me to find out; I can't give away all my secrets on here, now, can I?

Dealing with the aftermath of a relationship; aggregating resources; deciding what to do next.

It is possible I'll stay here; it is possible I'll go somewhere else.

I have spent a lot of time in sacrifice for various causes, and I think it's time to be a little more self-centered for a time -- but I am bad at paying attention to myself, so it's likely this won't last long before I find myself embroiled in some mad scheme or other once again; I don't mind, I like being busy.

I am large, I contain multiples. Especially on Thursdays.

I'm good at a few things, adequate at others; expert at precious few.

I can obviously do many computer related things well. I'm good at dialectic and speaking eloquently.

Learning and self education come naturally to me; I have been self educated in most respects for many years, and schooling usually only slows me down.

I've been told repeatedly that I give exceedingly good hugs, and other such physical forms of affection. I consider touch to be an art form.

I have a knack for fixing things, contorting myself into bizarre (or gravity-defying) configurations while reclining, and spatial perception.

Philosophy, ethics, epistemology, and certain very small segments of metaphysics are serious interests of mine; I have been repeatedly sought as an authority on these subjects, by friends and sometimes even strangers.

Likewise, I am occasionally sought after as an editor by reputation.

I should throw in a segment here about what my true vocation is; I study thought, consciousness, and the mind. I could ramble about this for hours, or days, but I won't -- unless I am asked to.

That is not a comprehensive list; neither is the following, of things I am bad at:

I am almost incapable of repetitive tasks, and I lose focus on things that do not capture my interest, very quickly. I am not diplomatic. I am terrible at job interviews. I don't handle paperwork well. I judge quickly; occasionally I'm wrong, and it bites me in the ass. Sometimes I push my own limits too hard. When I am pushed beyond my limit, my temper is the first thing to go.

I'm going to pretend this asked what I notice about other people, because this question is idiotic. You, gentle reader, will surely make your own observations, and knowing what I notice will probably be more useful to you in the long run.

The first thing I notice about anyone, male or female, is their eyes. I generally base my entire first impression on if someone has "good eyes" -- I don't know what precisely that means, but I like people who have them.

This means that, no matter how outrageous your cleavage pic, I noticed your eyes first.

I also notice facial outlines and features, body language, posture, shapes of various things, and makeup and clothing, although I don't evaluate that in a very standard way.

I notice smell a lot more than most people probably do. I don't like perfume, unless it accentuates how a person normally smells, and how people smell(not whether they have bathed, but their natural scent) is very important to me.

A: "The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle, J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit", "The Enchanted Forest" series by Patricia Wrede, "The Wounded Sky" by Diane Duane, "The Fuzzy Papers" books by H. Beam Piper, Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", "Q.E.D." by Richard Feynman (I'm straight, but if that man were still alive I might make an exception), Nietzsche, dictionaries/encyclopediae, "Inherit the Stars" and others by James Hogan, "The City and the Stars" by Arthur C. Clarke, "Starship Troopers" by Heinlein(the movie sucks, though), the Hyperion Cantos by Dan Simmons, "The Velveteen Rabbit", and "Jonathan Livingston Seagull", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's "The Little Prince", "The Neverending Story". Including some poems: "Iona: The Graves of Kings", "The Purse-Seine", (and quite a few others) by Robinson Jeffers; "The Mewlips", "The Hoard", and "Errantry" by Tolkien; "Kubla Khan" and "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by Coleridge; "A Tale Of The Thirteenth Floor" by Ogden Nash.

B: The Dark Knight (mostly for Heath Ledger's Joker), Casablanca, The Matrix (I hold that the sequels were written by alien clones; they utterly failed the promise of the first movie), Star Wars(original 3), couple of Star Trek movies(Insurrection and The Voyage Home), Ice Age, The Lion King, Atlantis, Pirates of the Caribbean, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, The Impostor, Men In Black (Which has some superb insights into the human condition, in addition to being a fun&funny movie), Robots, Big Fish, Fantasia, Waking Life; A Grand Day Out with Wallace & Gromit contains my favorite scene from any movie, ever.

C: For the most part, I like only one or two songs by each artist I hear. My tastes, however, are expansive, so I figure that some enumeration is in order: Chumbawamba, "Asleep at the Wheel" by Bloodhound Gang, a few Dead Can Dance songs, "The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot, "Espiral" by Dune, "The Mass" by Era, "Leichenhalle" by Die Ärzte, several songs by The Changelings, "Still in Saigon", "Stroker Ace" and "Legend of Wooley Swamp" by Charlie Daniels Band, "Baker Street" by Jerry Rafferty, "Voodoo" by Godsmack, "Posledniy Zakat" by Aria, "American Pie" and "Vincent" by Don McLean, some of George Winston, "Barracuda" by Heart, "The Blue Wrath" by I Monster(opening theme to Shaun of the Dead), some Jethro Tull, the "Friend of the Devil" cover by Ka'au Crater Boys, "Opium" by Moonspell, "Invincible" by Pat Benatar, a lot of Pink Floyd and Queen, some Rob Zombie, "Don't Feel Like Dancing" by Scissor Sisters, "I Need Some Sleep" by Eels, "Desert Rose" by Sting, "Renegade" by Styx, "Silver Stallion" and "The Highwayman" by The Highwaymen, "Hotel California"(not live) by the Eagles, a lot of Tool, and a lot of :wumpscut:.

Someone asked me about actual complete albums I like; here is a short list:

"The Wall", "A Momentary Lapse of Reason", and "Dark Side of the Moon" by Pink Floyd

"Aquarium" by Aqua

"Close to the Edge" by Yes

Every actual album released by Therion between 1996 and 2004

The Best of Kansas (sans last two songs)

The Best of Simon & Garfunkel

"Sehnsucht" by Rammstein

"A Rainbow Path" by Kay Gardner

"Year of the Cat" by Al Stewart

D: Style of cuisine is irrelevant; what matters is the particular dish in question. I've eaten everything from (effectively) raw steak (yum) to sea urchin (disgusting) to roasted pig eye ball (tastier than it sounds). I tend to fall in love with a particular style or dish repeatedly, as I am reacquainted with it over the years. Sushi and chocolate, however, never go out of style.

1. Information, experience: I have yet to learn how to stop thinking; consequently, I must absorb new information, to keep from pacing proverbial holes in my mental carpet. The internet is my most oft-used venue, but I welcome alternatives.

2. Mountains, moonlight, wind, thunderstorms, etc -- the many and varied features of the natural world.

3. This item was omitted to avoid unnecessarily high levels of cliché.

4. Freedom -- I love being able to go anywhere, do anything, be whoever I want. Anything that tries to stop me from doing this is... simply an obstacle to be removed.

5. Challenge. I love challenges. I love meeting and defeating them. Puzzles, debates, wrestling, fighting, designing things, fixing things, breaking things... it's all the same to me, as long as it stretches me, I'll probably like it.

6. My super-atomic high proof coffee -- or, alternately, adequate sleep.

As he science of thought is probably the primary among my vocations, I spend a considerable time thinking about thought itself, in addition to the vagaries of my mental wanderings, which are extensive and varied.

There are few subjects I have not considered at one time or another, and I enjoy finding new ones to think about; one of the highest compliments I can deliver is, "I hadn't thought of that."

I throw myself into thinking with the same passion I throw myself into anything I do: I do something with every ounce of dedication in my being, or I do it not at all.

From hence forth this profile field is also being repurposed to hold quotes or aphorisms which amuse or resonate with me, as I hear or read them.

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." --Matt Groening

"The difference between common-sense and paranoia is that common-sense is thinking everyone is out to get you. That's normal -- they are. Paranoia is thinking that they're conspiring." -- J. Kegler

"Young people wonder how the adult world can be so boring. The secret is that it is not boring to adults because they have learnt to enjoy simple things like covert malice at one another's expense. This is why they talk so much about the value of human understanding and sympathy. It has a certain rarity value in their world."

"The realm of the real spirit, the true artist, the saint, the philosopher, is rarely achieved. Why so few? Why is world history and evolution not stories of progress, rather this endless and futile addition of zeros? No greater values have developed. Hell, the Greeks 3,000 years ago were just as advanced as we are. So what are these barriers that keep people from reaching anywhere near their real potential. The answer to that can be found in another question, and that's this: which is the most universal human characteristic: fear or laziness?" -- Waking Life

My Fridays are not especially different from my other days; if I am in the middle of a project, I'm probably working, otherwise I'm doing whatever seems like a good idea at the time -- which is essentially my favorite reason for doing anything: "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

I think it's important to cultivate a fine sense of what seems like a good idea, though, so one's notions now don't conflict too utterly with their's retrospective impressions later.

The only special thing about Fridays is that there's a higher likelihood other people I know are available for socialization or whatnot -- but beyond that, it's merely another day to be lived for me.

-I can be a little gender-ambiguous.

-I tend to dislike people who are not on intimate terms with their own sexuality.

-I am much better at taking care of people than being taken care of.

-Just because I will take you at your word, does not mean I am stupid enough to be caught by a lie, unprepared.

-There is beauty in everything, even death.

-I enjoy all types of humor, to some degree, but I love puns.

-I like causing bruises. To answer some common questions, yes, this is an allusion to sadistic tendencies. No, it's not a per se fetish. Yes, bruises are not the only thing I enjoy causing.

-The phrase "very yes" amuses me.

-Intelligence or great wisdom are requisite of meaningful interaction; I demand meaningful interaction.

-The weather is perfectly acceptable conversation material; I happen to love meteorology.

-I despise the mentality which might infer that judgment is inherently bad.

-I really like people who can intellectually bamboozle me, or whoop me in a rational debate. Wish it happened more frequently.

-I enjoy putting foot prints on the walls and ceiling.

-I have meta-ADD.

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-The preceding line was intentionally left blank.

-If accused of employing such vocabulary as I am wont to in a futile display of pretentious pseudointellectualism, there is a non-zero probability that I will hunt you down and eat you.

-I have an unspeakably filthy mind, but this will almost certainly not be apparent when speaking to me.

-I despise James Joyce, and his writing even more.

-I have been known to woo girls by setting myself on fire.

-I personally identify with GIR and King Haggard; if you know these two characters, this should be a very meaningful statement.

-Blatant misuse of double brackets is a one-way trip to "user hidden" status.

-It amuses me to occasionally type with the worst possible text message/net speak I can muster, while retaining the syntax and grammar for which I am commonly noted. Incongruity amuses me. It is especially funny to quote Coleridge or Poe in such a manner.

-I can count on one hand the number of people in my entire life who have had a good idea who I really am. I don't hide it; most people just don't bother to look.

-Many years ago, a friend of mine said that I was "born to love and be loved." I begin to wonder if she didn't know me better than I imagined...

-My aversion to repetition does not extend to music, strangely enough; I can listen to a song over and over, until it is burnt into my heart.

-I despise double standards of judgment. Yes, all you "It's okay for chicks to ogle me, but not guys" people, I mean you.

-I despise that chimptarded "pouty" face that so many girls pose with in photographs; I'm just not sure if it's worse used alone or in group photos.

-Excepting exceedingly casual and colloquial conversation, I am extremely sensitive to nuance and subtext of meaning; I am more likely to be impressed by two bit words used well than ten dollar words used poorly.

-I have a pet peeve against girls referring to themselves as redheads when they're not.

-I text message with proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

-People compare me to a lot of fictional characters: His Dark Materials' Lord Azrael, Heath Ledger's Joker, the tenth Dr. Who, "a young [from Gaiman's Sandman] Morpheus", Sherlock Holmes (to be con't.)

-Are you actually still reading this?

-This profile is sprinkled with cultural and literary references. Props will be dispensed to people who catch them.

-This could easily be a moment taken from my thoughts.

-I see through things. This can be an asset, or a liability, but it is always interesting. Usually I try to at least pretend I can't tell exactly what everyone around me looks like naked, though.

-I find the restriction of only wanting to talk to local people a bit contrived. Just because I'm 2,000 miles away today means nothing about tomorrow.

-I'm listed as 'somewhat serious' about my religion (such as it is) in large part (though not entirely) as a filtering mechanism: dogmatic atheists are even more pretentious and annoying than dogmatic theists.

-I despise post-modernism. Yes, I get it. That's why I consider it so despicable.

-I observed another user who said "I am not here for you", to the OkC community at large. I am much the contrary; I am here for you; how I mean that, however, might subtly differ from what you might think.

-But for sexual proclivities, I have all the requisite characteristics of a fantastic gay (or at least bi) man; it is somewhat frustrating to be straight, but one does what one can.

-There is something pronouncedly unnerving about people who have the same facial expression in every single profile photo. Pod people, all of them.

-A lot of people compare their minds to XKCD. I'm not one of them, but I would say that H. Davies' comic BUNNY is an apt parallel.

-I'm not monogamous, but I'm not "poly"; there are a variety of constructs I can compare my preferred relationship model to, but that's too lengthy to get into here.

-One night in the kitchen I saw a cockroach; having nothing else, I chased the little bastard down with a fork and chucked it in the garbage disposal: I find it disturbing that my having done this disturbs people.

-I've moved 1.204 times per year of my life; I wonder if this will ever change.

-The zombie apocalypse is our generation's metaphor for what is to come. This amuses me.

If I've messaged you, the odds are better than even that I'd love to hear back.

If you think I'd like you, or you have something meaningful to say. I don't care how you type, but substance is mandatory.

As a side note, if I have messaged you, the odds are exceedingly high that I have also hidden your profile. This is largely to avoid the embarrassing phenomenon of messaging the same person repeatedly, without realizing it.

It serves an adjunct purpose of ensuring that if someone does not put forth the effort to respond to me, they're out of my hair for good. Everyone's busy, including me, and I don't have a problem with delayed responses, I have a problem with lazy responses.

I'm here to make friends, and I want my friends to be people who really throw themselves into life -- people with passion, drive, and intellect; people who consider it a point of pride to do everything they do to the utmost of their abilities. Anything less than this is simply not what I'm interested in.

If you are at this point and all of the preceding intrigue you, or at the least do not scare you off, feel welcome to message me. I'm also okay with IMs out of the blue; my AIM is Gashtall, Yahoo is Gradregrexx, and MSN is epimetreus@hotmail.com, although I advise you alert me before trying to reach me on MSN; I do not routinely sign on to that service due to bots/spam.

Disclaimer:
Any resemblance between the preceding views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the below and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this article.)