I didn't used to be any good at bullshitting, but I'm getting better and better at it as I grow older. I play a couple of instruments (poorly). I own a single dwarf hamster (Grand Admiral Karkov) whose demise I've been planning for several months, since that fated day he ate his brother (Reginald the Reaver*). Originality is preferred, though it's a bit much to ask for. I'll settle for a decent grasp of English grammar, but let's not take ourselves too seriously.

I neither know nor want to know where I'll be in five years.

*Note: Some reaver he turned out to be, am I right? Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

I equally divide my time between:

Stealing traffic cones and using them to make large-scale statues of dinosaurs in my backyard, which I then use to recreate large-scale prehistoric battles.

and

Dancing in my bedroom to Neil Young songs while wearing nothing but an oversized sombrero and consuming box after box of red, white and blue bomb pops.

It's not always an easy life, but someone has to live it. Well doesn't HAVE to, you know, but it's nice to make the world a more interesting place.

Catching bats using only two standard size plastic beer pong cups. This talent arose and was honed, of course, in the years I lived the old brown house, because my six male roommates were all ninnies.

Someone once told me in an elevator I have very watchful eyes. I guess that's accurate.

Books? Authors, rather: Lewis Carroll, Tom Robbins, Cormac McCarthy, Jack Kerouac, George R.R. Martin, Junot Diaz, J.D. Salinger, Craig Thompson, Pearl S. Buck, Louis Sachar, Kurt Vonnegut, Amy Hempel, Lorrie Moore, Raymond Carver.

Movies? Movies! Buffalo '66, American Movie, Amelie, FLCL (Okay, not technically a movie but...c'mon naow. C'mon.), Crank, Being John Malkovich, Jurrasic Park, Porco Rosso, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Be Kind Rewind, Harold and Maude, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. I also loved old godzilla movies when I was smaller, but they aren't really my thing anymore, sorry.

Music? Ugh, music is for listening, not listing. All you really need to know is I'm that standard sort of electro experimental bluegrassy contemporary retro folk rock* type of person and I can make you a mix that will knock you on your ass and/or leave you breathless. At least I'd like to think so.

*Note: I left some categories out for the sake of expedited communication. There's no genre I really can forsake, though it would be pretty misleading to say I'll listen to anything. Easier to just call me an audiophilic snob and leave it at that.**

**FINE, HERE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS, 'CAUSE EVERONE WANTS TO KNOW. I HOPE THIS MAKES YOU HAPPY. IT WON'T, THOUGH. HAPPINESS ONLY LIES WITHIN YOURSELF, THIS WILL JUST BE ANOTHER SHORT STEP TOWARDS FIGURING THAT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY. YES I AM AWARE I LEFT THE Y OUT OF EVERYONE, THAT WAS INTENTIONAL. NOW WHO'S THE MATURE ONE! Anyway: Animal Collective, The Antlers, Arcade Fire, Bon Iver, Cloud Cult, Elliot Smith, Laura Marling, Metric, Neutral Milk Hotel, Pixies, Port O'Brien, Radical Face/Electric President, Regina (the one, the only), Ted Leo + The Pharmacists, Tegan and Sara, Tender Forever, The Walkmen, WHY?, The Zombies.

I may have lied in the "What I'm doing with my life" section. I may not be doing anything at all, and wouldn't that be something?

Curiosity hasn't killed you yet, and you're aware of how strange it is to be anything at all.