Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

Soundbucket

23 M Canoga Park, CA

My Details

Last Online
Aug 23
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Skinny
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Job
Education
Income
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Polish (Fluently), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
A BIT OF NARCISSISM NEVER KILLED ANYBODY

{looking back on what I've written: holy FUCK what an essay. But I'm not gonna shorten it. Some things are just stupid enough to bear repeating. If you don't feel like reading it, I won't blame you.}

The following should be considered a satire on myself.*

The things I say to other people seem to describe me best. Examples:

"From now on, my full name (and middle initial) shall be Herp D. Derp. I shall rule a small island kingdom of drunks, thieves, police officers, and dinosaurs off the coast of Bolivia. The policemen will chase down the drunks and thieves during the week, while the dinosaurs cook for me and maintain three bicycles, my chosen method of transportation. Everybody in the kingdom shall dance with me to heavy metal on Friday nights, and electronica on Saturday nights. On Sunday I shall have the dinosaurs eat anyone who didn't dance on one of the previous two nights, then the drunks will play drinking games with the policemen in order to get them drunk, and after that the thieves shall steal their jail keys and release everyone that the policemen locked up during the week. Then on Monday the cycle will repeat."

"I didn't know you were a bedroom drawer do you like being full of socks"

"You, sir, are a PENIS! Yes, you heard me! You are a penis upon the progress of SCIENCE!"

‎"I don't want to fuck raisins

I'm worried it would turn my penis into a raisin

and that would be utterly horrifying

imagine you're about to have the sexy time with a guy and he takes off his shirt and you're like oooh that's sexy and then he takes off his pants and you're like damn boy now I'm getting wet and then he takes off his underwear and he has a raisin instead of a penis and you're like OH MY GOD WHAT THE MOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"

"Silly little boy. Everybody knows that hedgehogs grow on trees."

"I think you said the last one showed up on your doorstep with a box of raisins, a small farming tractor, and a sign saying "HELLO I HAVE 11 TOES"."

"What's your new year's resolution?"
"1920 x 1080"

"If I were two people, I could be a comedy show. Sadly, I am only one person and therefore not a comedy show."
-------------------------
ACTUAL PROFILE START (sorta):

Don't even bother. Go read a book.
READ YOUR DAD'S MORNING COFFEE SWIRLS*

I am fluctuating, blue, and like an onion
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
dropping it on people like a sack of bricks

WHERE DOIN IT MAN
WHERE MAKIN THIS HAPEN
if you know exactly what this refers to then I will love you for ever and ever***

I like to swim
IN THE WATERS OF MEMORYYYYYYYY (yes the waters of memory. No I don't know what I'm talking about)*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
bricks*
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not other people
HOW SHOULD I KNOW THIS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ THEIR MINDS
HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPSLOCK
how is babby formed

Speaking of noticing, has ANYBODY noticed that one of the photos in the facebook ad on the side (feel free to refresh until it shows up) is a cat?
EDIT: Just found a dog pic, too.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Sushi and burritos are my two loves in the food world.

apple cake and meringue cake are also fantastic
ESPECIALLY IF IT'S APPLE-MERINGUE CAKE

Music and movies < books.

Książki są zajebiste. Nie wolno je palić.**
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Books
Things
Stuff
My glasses
Small, interestingly-shaped stones
Knowing how to count to six
Sharp objects
Flammable objects
Cats
Lighters
My liver
Showers
Abusing the Capslock key
intentionally ignoring the rules of capitalization and punctuation

No i oczywiście internet.**
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
To, że w ogóle umiem mysleć już jest dla mnie ogromnym osiągnięciem.**
OMG SOAP IS CLEAN <= best discovery EVER

the comeback "your mom"/"thy mother"/etc.*
FUCK YOU PUNCTUATION (and capitalization) YOURE NOT THE BOSS OF ME*

If life is a joke, does that make death the punchline?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Odpoczywam i rzucam dziwnymi hasłami.**

Saturdays > Fridays
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that you really shouldn't bother with this profile anymore. (It costs 400,000 brain cells to read this profile... for 12 seconds.) Go read wikipedia, or whatever it is you do for fun. We could watch a romantic comedy; last one to barf wins*

Also, the first thing I did after being born was not cry but instead take a piss on the nurse holding me. Trufax.
It kind of set the tone for the rest of my life.

apparently I could qualify to be a mad scientist (ACCORDING TO THIS ONE SUPER LEGIT TEST I SWEAR)

hahaha I have really old pictures on here idgaf
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 19–28
  • Near me
  • For new friends
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
if if if if... you like to ಠ_ಠ.

also if you'd like to tell me exactly how and why I'm a terrible person*
(or if you're this guy http://hobgoblinhero.tumblr.com/post/72470874489)*

*This is purely for my own amusement. (NOTE: You may or may not find that this actually applies to pretty much everything I do.)
**Google translator is your friend. A sad, somewhat brain-damaged friend, but a friend nonetheless.
***Itty bitty baby; itty bitty boat.