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Sparker_Pants

28 F Austin, TX

My Details

Last Online
Feb 11
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Diet
Mostly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Desperately
Drugs
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
More than $1,000,000
Relationship Status
Single
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I love the science and I am always trying to learn more things. I am hopelessly addicted to the written word. I am a woman who is not afraid to love a good cat (or two).

I used to engage as often as possible in the only forms of dress-up and pretend that are acceptable for a girl of a certain age- over twelve- by playing (okay, and sometimes prancing) in front of the camera. Read: I was a teen model. Awkward and embarrassing stories abound.

I am terrified of clowns. My father is one in his spare time. You know, volunteer work. He is not my father when he is in clown make-up. But I guess it's better when your father pops in the bathroom to get tips on applying mascara because he's a clown and not because he's thinking of leaving your mother for a sweet transvestite.

I buy the very best in random presents. Past selections have included a llama puppet and an "amazing sheep".

I have hopes and dreams. And lots of wine corks I keep swearing I'm going to use in craft projects.

Still working on self-actualization.

I am Jessica Rabbit, Old Gregg, and cheese.
What I’m doing with my life
Survivor of grad school, PTSD minimal. I am even gainfully employed, which is exciting. I shower regularly. I am really killing it at adulthood.
I’m really good at
Putting vegetables in my baked goods. Being a character in scrapschic's life.
The first things people usually notice about me
I am both human and alive. AS FAR AS YOU KNOW.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Good Omens, American Gods, Stardust, Pride & Prejudice, Stargirl, The Hunger Games, LOTR, HP, His Dark Materials, The Dresden Files, The Giver, The Fountainhead*, the Abhorsen trilogy, my beautiful Tamora Pierce books from my formative years, Like Water for Chocolate, The Persian Boy, A Song of Ice & Fire, Tiny Beautiful Things.

*I am fascinated by terrible things see next paragraph

Also: Twilight. . .is really horrible. In so many ways. I'm fascinated both by how bad it is and by how in any god's name so many people could love it. And do not even get me started on 50 Shades.

Currently reading: Finally finishing A Dance with Dragons. Been taking my time because I know it will be six more years before GRRM finishes the next one.

Next on my list: Bird by Bird, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, John Dies at the End, Redshirts

Musics: college memories of Jpatt on the tambi, all the terrible pop songs my best friend and I wrote at the age of 14/15, anything involving mandolins, and also Tom Jones "Sex Bomb"

Movies: Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Strictly Ballroom, Amelie, Serenity, City Lights, How to Steal a Million, Charade, anything horrible that I can mock mercilessly (so all SyFy Channel original movies). Also, all horrible, cringe-inducing movies made by Rebecca and myself during our formative years.

TVs: Doctor Who, Archer, BSG, Game of Thrones, Firefly, The Mighty Boosh, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, Flight of the Conchords, Arrested Development, Downton Abbey, Sherlock and The Vampire Diaries because I am a woman of taste and culture.

I don't watch that much television regularly. I usually wait til things come out on DVD (or Netflix streaming) and then devour them in one 20hr sitting because that's healthy adult behavior.

Foods: creatures of the sea (Imma pescetarian**), avocados, potatoes in all forms are my OTL, cheese (even though I'm lactose-intolerant), green things, delicious baked goods, Tex-Mex in all forms, Torchy's & Tacodeli, for woman can live on tacos alone

**This is a vegetarian-like person who eats creatures of the sea, also known as seafood. I also eat some game meat occasionally. I'm. . .complicated? Look I just don't find barnyard animals to be delicious, and factory farming is horrifying.
The six things I could never do without
1. The Written Word
2. Besties
3. Open Bars at Weddings
4. The Love of a Mastiff Named Darbie, a Bootleg Mastiff Named Boris & Bad Cat + Merlin
5. Carl, my taxidermied longhorn head (who used to live in a papasan chair in my living room; I decorate him for holidays. He's currently on sabbatical at a friend's house.)
6. Whedon Actual
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Contemplating the Universe on Neil deGrasse Tyson's vest.
On a typical Friday night I am
Experiencing the life part of the ever-elusive work/life balance. See also: adult beverages accompanying any number of activities including but not limited to Netflix consumption, literature consumption, dubious craft projects, Sitting At Places That Are Not My Home And Paying Other People To Bring Me Said Beverages And Maybe Also Food.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–37
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You find me witty and/or engaging. And are not a dumbass*. And are not a man who wears necklaces. I have an irrational hatred of man-necklaces.

Bonus points if you enjoy the following: sarcasm, references to Captain Tightpants & Captain Jack Harkness, redheads, Amazonian women (regarding all of the confusion surrounding this statement: this means I'm kinda tall. Not a towering giant, just decently above average for ladies. You can look at the part where my height is. *Lana Kane voice* Yup.).

*dumbass- see also: tool, douchecanoe**, pseudo-intellectual or irrepressible arrogant, pretentious asshole; person who thinks "Amazonian" refers to ordering things from Amazon.com and not the mythical tribal women.

**I wish I could take credit for the genesis of this amazing term. It was invented by The Bloggess and if you do not know her, you should look her up and read her.