Oh God, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian... or maybe some kinda Spanish.
[You may now resume your regular internal narration. Or maybe switch to Will Arnett. Yeah, that seems fun.]
I am animated, passionate, and prone to the occasional musical outburst. I suppose this description makes me sound a bit like a Disney princess, which is fitting, since I'm often told that's what my singing voice sounds like and I do use it to coerce woodland critters into doing my housework. In all seriousness though, if Disney created an animated feature starring a sarcastic yet (sometimes painfully) optimistic woman who's an unapologetic nerd about literature, theater, beer, and most sci-fi/fantasy-related things; who is fiercely compassionate and loving but who does not bullshit nor take shit from anyone; who is as playful and goofy as she is grounded; and who is at once a dreamer and a realist, that would more or less be the story of my life. And the music would have to be done by the Menken/Ashman team—none of that Frozen crap.
As much as this may imply that I'm a very girly girl (and I am, certainly), I am nobody's damsel in distress. I regularly lift heavy things, open impossible-to-open jars, and fix things when they break. I am very much an independent person who enjoys the company of people who augment my life in some way.
I said I wasn't going to turn into a bike person and then I got a bike... and now I can't really stand to be without it. No, it's not a road bike, but it's the cutest bike in the world and it suits me just fine. Unless you're one of those guys who dresses head to toe in spandex, I can probably keep up with you. *update* Then someone stole my cutest bike in the world and I went on a rampage. Eventually I got a new bike (not as cute, but functional), then had a bit of an accident and broke both bones in my right forearm. I'm a cyborg now. However, someone also stole that bike, but as fate would have it, I managed to find another version of my first bike, so I once again have the cutest bike in the world... and am still a cyborg.
Some fun facts about me: I have no middle name, although for some reason my credit card statement likes to give me the middle initial "L." I was born with the hiccups. Elaine Stritch is my spirit animal.
Getting people to pay me to do all the things I love: write, edit, perform, drink and talk about beer. I am successful at all of these things, but rarely simultaneously.
I am also taking control of my creative destiny and producing, writing, and performing in several pet projects that I'm extremely excited about. If you're interested, I'll tell you about them.
- doing all of the above at the same time.
- being a grammar Nazi.
- recommending craft beers.
- quoting TV shows/movies/musicals/Shakespeare.
- being a good fat kid. If I am in a room with a cupcake, said cupcake has five seconds to live.
- baking, which is useful when one is, as I've mentioned, a good fat kid.
- maintaining a high level of functionality in a crisis.
- graciously admitting when I'm wrong.
- making absurdly long lists.
I can venture a few guesses:
I'm outspoken, opinionated, and do not seem to have much of a filter.
I sometimes sing random bits of conversation.
I'm pretty short.
But, if I'm being really honest: boobs. Regardless of anyone's gender or sexual preference. Boobs. I've had fairly largish boobs for a fairly longish time; I'm at peace with it.*
*For this reason, it should also be noted that I probably won't notice you noticing my boobs, though this is not an invitation to be a creeper and stare openly at my cleavage for long stretches of time... unless I'm watching a movie or something and not paying attention, then I really won't know the difference.
I read a ton, primarily fiction. Some favorite authors include: Neil Gaiman, Tom Robbins, Douglas Adams, and Christopher Moore. Matilda by Roald Dahl was my favorite book as a child (it's still up there). I like anything that uses vivid imagery, colorful language, and tells a compelling story. Humor is pretty key too.
I'm always happy to accept book recommendations!
Now reading: The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul. This officially closes out the Douglas Adams canon for me. I'm not sure how it took me this long to get to it!
Just finished: The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherynne M. Valente. Technically a children's book, but the sort that is still fairly dark at times and uses words such as "sacrosanct" and "widdershins." All in all, a really lovely fairy tale. Apparently it's part of a series, so I look forward to reading the others.
Favorite drama: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Favorite romantic comedy: High Fidelity
Favorite comic book movie: Watchmen
Favorite black and white movie: His Girl Friday
Favorite movie-musical pre 1980: Singin' in the Rain
Favorite movie-musical post 1980: Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Favorite foreign film: Amelie
Favorite documentary: Jiro Dreams of Sushi
Favorite book-to-movie adaptation: Perks of Being a Wallflower
Favorite (non-animated) fantasy movie: The Neverending Story
Favorite sci-fi movie: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Favorite Mel Brooks film: Young Frankenstein
Favorite Wes Anderson film: Royal Tenenbaums
Favorite Christopher Guest film: This is Spinal Tap, which I guess is technically Rob Reiner... so if we want to be SUPER technical, then Guffman, but really... Spinal Tap.
Favorite totally ridiculous movie: Wet, Hot American Summer
Favorite eminently quotable movie: Anchorman
Favorite Muppet movie: Muppets Take Manhattan
Favorite Pixar film: Monsters Inc.
Favorite classic Disney animated film: Beauty and the Beast (though my favorite Disney prince is Philip from Sleeping Beauty, largely because he actually has a name... and a personality)
Favorite total chick flick: Pride and Prejudice
Favorite cult classic: Clue
Favorite stereotypical high school movie: 10 Things I Hate About You
Favorite quintessential 80s movie: Better Off Dead
Favorite Christmas movie: It's a Wonderful Life (with Christmas in Connecticut being a close second. Seriously, that movie is wonderful and woefully under-appreciated.)
I'm sure I could come up with more, but I'll spare you. I will say, however, that "Favorite horror film" does not appear here on purpose, because I really just can't do horror movies. They give me nightmares.
I don't cable, I Netflix and Prime and am debating doing Hulu as well. I'm loving a lot of the Netflix series—Orange is the New Black, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Wet, Hot American Summer, and I just finished Bojack Horseman. Currently in the midst of Jessica Jones. Some other favorites are: Doctor Who, South Park, Archer, Modern Family, Drunk History, and when I can catch it, I love the Late Show with Stephen Colbert. 30 Rock and Futurama are what I watch when I want to have something on but not really watch it, so consequentially I've seen every episode of both quite a few times. I'm one of those nerds who doesn't watch Game of Thrones because I like the books more.
Perhaps the hardest to narrow down. My favorites are always things with well-written lyrics in addition to an evocative or infectious melody. I love things that are visceral and genuine, and can't resist the emotional weight that string instruments add to any song. I also love a piano in pretty much every context. Some of my forever favorites include: Radiohead, Death Cab, Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple, Jets to Brazil, Ben Folds (Five), Aretha Franklin, Joni Mitchell, Jonah Matranga
Here's some of what I've listened to in the last week: The Staves, Bombay Bicycle Club, David Bowie, Bon Iver, Beck, Two Door Cinema Club, Down Like Silver, Dusty Springfield
One of the things I love most about food is sharing it, so I'm not sure I could seriously date a strict vegetarian, but who knows.
Dessert might be my favorite thing. Brunch is my other favorite thing. I constantly struggle over whether I want sweet or savory for brunch; ideally both would happen (i.e., waffle sandwich). Pork—meaning all kinds of pig-based meats—is my third favorite thing (not third in order of preference, just third in the order in which I'm mentioning them). And I love, love seafood. All of it. Shellfish and fishy fish, the brinier the better. Anything on a menu with grilled octopus in it is probably going in my mouth. Also cheese is possibly the best thing ever. Possibly better than dessert.
Not on here, but probably should be! As I earlier alluded, I am a giant beer nerd. I've been into craft beer since I was 18 and the way the industry has exploded in recent years makes me extremely happy. If we go out for drinks, I'll most likely try to steer us toward a place with good beer and (apologies in advance) the one time I will take out my phone will be to log the aforementioned beer in my beer nerd app. I have not yet tumbled down the rabbit hole of brewing my own beer, but I'd like to at some point—I have several friends who either home brew or brew commercially.
I don't know even half as much about wine as I do about beer, but I do also enjoy it and if you want to educate me, I'm an eager student!
I'm not a huge liquor person, though I do have close friends who own a distillery in Brooklyn. I'm a sucker for a good Bloody Mary, though, and appreciate a well-crafted cocktail. I recently discovered aquavit, and it may just be my penchant for Norse mythology, but I'm a fan. On NYE, I had a cocktail called the Doors of Valhalla, which used aquavit, a cranberry liquor, and a flavored bitters, and it was pretty spectacular.
Ever since I became a cyborg, I have adopted a hard and fast NO SHOTS rule. This is largely to do with the events leading up to my becoming a cyborg.
1. Stories: telling, hearing, reading, and watching them
2. Creative expression: For me, this includes making music, writing, dancing, drawing and/or other forms of visual art, and acting.
3. Discovery: of new things, new places, new ideas, new parts of myself
4. Water: drinking it, sure, but living near large bodies of it, playing in it and on it, and eating the stuff that comes out of it
5. Connection: intellectual, emotional, and intimately physical
- ways in which I can improve my life. Most of this involves me making more money so that I'd be able to do more of the things I'd really like to do, like take classes and travel.
Here are some options:
- out being a beer nerd.
- out being a good fat kid.
- out at a show.
- staying in reading or watching some movie or binge-watching some TV series.
- building a snowman to make our best friend and trying to decide on an appropriate name for him. Maybe Beowulf.
- any number of other things. Fun things. Totally.
There was a grotto involved. I really don't know.
- you have a blue box that is bigger on the inside and that you use to travel throughout time and space.
- you like playing outside (biking, hiking, kayaking, tennis, sheep shearing).
- you like going for adventures (e.g., getting lost in some part of the city with no particular agenda, going out and specifically hunting down some crazy awesome thing to do, getting out of the city entirely for a day).
- you're really into beer and want to go try lots of different kinds at various cool beer bars around the city and/or brew our own, potentially using a foul-mouthed robot as a fermentation tank.
- you already brew your own beer and want to teach me.
- you play some kind of musical instrument and are interested in pursuing a collaborative musical project with someone who has never really been part of a band, but is a pretty damn good singer and a half-decent lyricist.
- you are capable of typing and prefer to type in complete, mostly grammatically correct sentences when pursuing any kind of correspondence. I abhor text speak; monosyllabic words do not warrant abbreviations.
- you live in the middleish (yeah, that's right, I just made some comment about proper grammar and then proceeded to make up a word—this is probably more indicative of my personality than anything else on here) part of Brooklyn and want more friends in your neighborhood or close by. Or, alternatively, if you want someone to explore Brooklyn with. I'm pretty fond of my borough and I'm always up for going to new places. There are approximately a shit ton I haven't been to, I'm sure.
- you were intrigued and/or entertained by any of the nonsense contained in my profile.
But also, on a serious note, please definitely message me if:
- you are emotionally available and prefer to do the monogamy thing.
- you know what you want.
- you don't mind if we don't agree on everything, won't then avoid the subjects upon which our opinions differ, and can understand that a healthy debate is not an argument.
- you are capable of being direct and honest and are not interested in playing ridiculous games.
*Important note* I do not use OkCupid as an instant messaging device, so if you want to start a dialogue with me, please write me more than "Hi, what's up?"