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SquashTheState

31 F Ottawa, Ontario, CA

I’m looking for

  • Everybody
  • Ages 26–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 2:41am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Speaks
English, French

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Warning: People who send me ridiculous one-liners or generic messages simply get deleted from my inbox, period. I've pretty much ignored OKC for the past few months, but I might as well revamp my profile and give it another go before abandoning it altogether.

None of the gender or sexuality label options on the site feel right to describe me; I don't clearly identify as "straight" or "gay" or "bisexual". If any label could apply, I often feel more like a highly sensual poly grey-A homo-romantic andro than any other sexuality/gender configuration. I'm sorry it's such a mouthful! At this point in my life I am primarily attracted to men and masculine-presenting people, so that is who I am likely to be drawn to or fall for. In any case, you must be queer or queer-friendly and open to sex not playing a part of (or at least not a significant part of) our relationship.

I feel pretty baffled by this whole dating thing. My tendency has been to fall into long-term relationships with good friends, so dating seems like a fairly superficial and inorganic way to build relationships. That said, I've wound up making some dear friends through this site, so it's not all bad :)

I keep having to revise this paragraph to reflect some convergence of what I desire and what I actually have time for. I've read much about polyamoury and it appears to encompass the relationship styles that best fit my desires and my understandings of life and love. Even so, I'm still relatively new to poly in practice. I believe one can love multiple people at the same time; I believe friendships can include varying degrees of intimacy, including romantic, sensual, and/or sexual components; and I believe there are many relationship styles in between and around these that are equally worthy of recognition and respect. More than anything, I am committed to poly's ethical orientation.

I have recently begun coming to terms with the fact that I'm really not all that interested in sex, and am finding reflections of myself in writings by the asexual community. My sex-related answers in the Questions section of the profile might not necessarily reflect this yet.

Though I hesitate to put too much stock in documents that single out one individual as representative of an entire movement or lifestyle, I still find this interview about asexuality to be pretty amazing. The second half, in particular, really speaks to me: http://therumpus.net/2011/08/the-rumpus-interview-with-david-jay-star-of-the-new-documentary-asexual/

This is one of the best pieces I've ever read on polyamoury, and I strongly encourage you to give it a whirl: http://www.makezine.enoughenough.org/newpoly2.html

I should also mention that my politics are pretty anarchistic--I won't stand for any racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, classist, ableist, sizist, or otherwise oppressive "jokes" or comments. That being said, I also recognize that nobody is perfect and that we all make mistakes and errors in judgement--myself included. As someone who is always trying to be a better person, I want to be informed (gently) if I say or do problematic things, and I expect my friends and partners to be equally open to it.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
After spending too many years in school pursuing degrees in subjects that no longer brought me joy, I recently realized that I wanted my life to be about food. I love to grow, cook, preserve, and find creative ways to prepare food. I've worked in health food retail, sold my own garden produce and homemade preserves, and worked on organic farms. My employed time is now spent in an organic food store, and my "free" time usually involves hanging out with friends, playing my banjo, cooking/canning/dehydrating food, or working on a variety of projects. My current big project, co-running a small farm plot in Ottawa's greenbelt, is currently a full-time occupation and takes up most of my spare time these days, but I'm trying to hang on to some sort of social life in the midst of it all!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Growing and preparing food, of course. Critical thinking while also being very open-minded. I write pretty well, and I have a special knack for reading books while walking. In high school I was really good at math but never pursued it, so I've been trying to make time to re-learn it for fun!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My tattoos, usually. Also, my eyes and the fact that I'm always smiling. I've been told that I have a "sunny" personality.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: anything by Ivan E. Coyote, anything by Douglas Adams, and, most recently, Harriette Simpson Arnow's "The Dollmaker" and other material from/about the Appalachian region. I like a lot of nonfiction as well, such as Emma Goldman's "Living my Life", and various works on anarchist theory & practice, discussions of gender/sexuality/queer issues, alternative mental health, prison abolition, some labour history, transformative justice, food politics...

Movies/TV: I should note that I haven't owned a TV in years, nor do I expect to own one in the future, and entertainment media really isn't (aren't?) an important part of my life. When I do watch stuff, though, I'm a sap for terrible rom-coms, and I really like British humour, zombie themes, and the occasional documentary. I also have a weakness for movies featuring end-of-the-world scenarios. My favourite TV show of all time is probably 3rd Rock from the Sun.

Music: I'm generally pretty fond of DIY folk-punk, punk, folk, bluegrass, and some other stuff I don't know how to categorize. Saves the Day and Chopin will always hold a special place in my heart.

Webcomics: xkcd, Homestar Runner (esp. Teen Girl Squad!), and sometimes PhD Comics.

Other: I really like badminton but never get the chance to play. I really want to learn some construction, carpentry, and whittling skills, and I'd be happy to work with you on a project where that could happen. I crochet, but I'd like to learn to knit as well.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My multi-tool, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a garden, a well-stocked kitchen, a few plaid shirts, and cuddling!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Food. Prefigurative politics & practice. The state of the world. Consent & boundaries. Accountability.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Though I'm not private about this at all, this feels like a good time to tell you: In 2008 I had my tubes tied, which means I will never bear children. Though I don't have any desire to bear kids of "my own", I am open to meeting people with kids. Also, since this is marginally related, I am interested in developing long-term relationships but I have no interest in marriage.

I should also mention that I have a pretty terrible memory. I can usually remember how I felt about a book I've read or a movie I've seen, but it's pretty unlikely that I'd be able to synopsize it for you!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I've been told that I have a big red dot on my profile, indicating that I don't respond to most messages. I'm busier than I'd like to be these days and don't have much time to field communications from people who don't seem to be a good fit or who don't put effort into their messages. Sometimes I respond to people several months after they message me! It's a little embarrassing, but this OKC thing just can't be a priority right now.

Nevertheless, you're welcome to message me if you think we might hit it off or find some sort of special connection :)