A little like a dying clown, with a streak of Rin-Tin-Tin.

I recently started at Columbia's School of General Studies. As with most GS students, the story of how I got there is long and circuitous and probably more like tenth-date material, but now that I'm here, I'm looking towards a career in international law (with rock stardom as a backup). In the meantime, I'm working a couple of different part-time jobs, and I do have plans to start my own business when I get some time off from studying.

I've been told I'm talented at acting and singing, though I haven't taken lessons in years. I do a mean Cartman impression, and I do have something of a knack for picking up languages. I definitely still have a few languages on my bucket list, though I think I might give Manx a pass.

I consider myself a pretty good writer, if not a prolific one. I've written a few songs, and am trying my hand once again at playwriting.

I recently moved on from working as a tour guide on the red famous double-decker buses, so if you have any family members in from out of town, I can show them around and keep them entertained with my colorful local stories. I always did love telling the tourists about when I played the French horn in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. (True story.)

Oh, let's see...the height, the ginormous Tel Avivian nose, or maybe the hat (most people are in fact blinded by the mere sight of my shaven head, so I keep it covered as a courtesy).

a) Murther and Walking Spirits; Fifth Business; The Great Gatsby; Of Mice and Men. I don't have as much time to read for pleasure these days, but these are some of the ones that pop into my head.

b) L.A. Story; Pulp Fiction; The Fugitive; A Clockwork Orange; Memento; Raiders of the Lost Ark; From Russia with Love; The Kid Brother; Citizen Kane; The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly; Roger Dodger; Bedazzled (the original).

c) Beatles, Brahms, Guns N' Roses, Hindemith, Kodaly, The Guess Who, Led Zeppelin, The Who. I firmly believe that the greatest song in the history of mankind is "Who's Behind the Door?" by Zebra. I dare you to disagree.

d) Pasta, Thai, Ethiopian, Indonesian, Tex-Mex, Chinese, Japanese.

How I miss being a teenager, how I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore, controversial political issues (and just how controversial I can make them), whether or not time is an illusion.

Out with my band of merry men in search of the one food that's too spicy for any of us to handle.

When I was 12, I had a big crush on Lady Gaga.

You believe that Bingo was the FARMER's name-o, not the dog's. Or if you'd like to debate me on that point.