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25 M Chicago, IL

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Okay), Russian (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I've been accused of being a WASP and a pedant, but both are only partially true. I'm a bit of a cynic, but I'm mostly pragmatic. I also go to bed way too late at night. I crave conversations that flow without effort.

I'm always in need of a nap (and hopefully you are too.)

I've always been enchanted with a lack of breeding and I'm far less photogenic than most people (I blame flash.)

I'm a shrewish harpy with a spinster's mindset.
I am a practical joke.
What I’m doing with my life
Account Management.
Consumption of media.
Consumption of wine.
Being accused of witchcraft.
I’m really good at
Words, small talk, eye contact.

Leaving my head uncovered.

And being paralyzingly aware of social norms and cues.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Glamorama, Rules of Attraction, Less than Zero, and Imperial Bedrooms by Bret Easton Ellis
Bright Lights, Big City & Story of My Life by Jay McInerney
Colors Insulting to Nature by Cintra Wilson
The City and the Pillar by Gore Vidal
The Secret History by Donna Tartt

The Royal Tenenbaums
The House of Yes
Annie Hall
Pioniere in Ingolstadt
Die Ehe der Maria Braun
Broken English
Love and Death
Murder by Death
The Cheap Detective

Parks and Recreation
Happy Endings
Trophy Wife
Arrested Development
Strangers with Candy
Cougar Town
30 Rock

Joanna Newsom
Kate Bush
Elvis Costello
Neutral Milk Hotel
Lou Reed/Nico/The Velvet Underground
Carole King
Owen Pallett
Dusty Springfield
The Mountain Goats
Cat Stevens
The Smiths/Morrissey

I spend a lot of time thinking about
how much spinach I need to eat before I'll feel "healthy."

How to turn "sapling" into a term of endearment.
On a typical Friday night I am
deflecting your advances, you cad.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I bought a new bed and we're mostly monogamous.

I am really into sensible jobs.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like guys
  • Ages 27–37
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You don't mind that I'm a bit plain (I prefer to be called homely, but no one else does.) You are tall. You want to hear about farm life. You're proud of your work. You think flakiness is a cardinal sin. You would never dare use "renaissance man" to describe yourself. You want a response.

If we get one of those match emails from OKCupid, I'm probably giving you the go ahead. I won't be mean, I promise. Seriously.

You've called in a noise complaint to the police. I will accept an offertory bottle of wine, thank you.