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24 M Walden, NY

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Christianity, and laughing about it
Dropped out of masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Sign Language (Poorly), Japanese (Okay), C++ (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I hate boring profiles and I'm betting you do too.

You want something unique, something interesting, something that will grab your attention...

So, I'll give you a choice:

A) You can either keep reading, in which case you're going to read a stream of jokes and maybe you'll be entertained by a non-boring profile.

B) You can just message me (back, if I messaged you first) and get to know me.

C) *Most Popular Package* Look at my pictures, not read the profile, and move on with your life.

I'm Steven, by the way. Charmed.
What I’m doing with my life
Playing my OkCupid Drinking Game

Drink every time:
- A profile says the first thing people notice about them are eyes or smile
- A profile says "I'm not really good at talking about myself" or some variation thereof
- You see a "Duck Face" profile picture
- You see the word "Soulmate"
- Someone says "I'm unique" or "I'm not like most guys/girls" or some variation there of
- The most private thing someone admits is that they have an OkCupid

I also live in Newburgh and I work in Stamford and NYC for a few financial firms, but that's boring...
I’m really good at
The Dougie (That's actually not a joke. I wish it was, but it's not)

Writing poetry. Here's one I hope you like:

Roses are red Violets are blue
Here's my 2013 year in review
It was an interesting year we sure weren't bored
Poor Leo DiCaprio still hasn't won an academy Award
Disney's bought Star Wars for no apparent reason
We finally saw Arrested Development's fourth season
The Mayor of Toronto smoked crack in a sketchy back ally
As the world mourned Breaking Bad's series finale
John Kerry stepped up as the New Secretary of state
As Francis took Being the Pope off of Benedict's plate
The Obamacare website release probably could've gone smoother
Ed Snowden revealed the NSA is likely run by Lex Luther
The Supreme court ruled that it's cool to be gay
Which really explains that song "What Does the Fox Say?"
There was an air of royal apathy when Prince George was introduced
Alas we faced the sad fact that Kanye reproduced
We were a little sad to see Mandella give god a high five
The government shutdown was as messy as a Paul Walker Sunday drive
Peter Higgs won a Nobel for his physics article
As Anthony Weiner, once again, showed off his little God Particle
Miley Cyrus twerked on Robin Thicke's sack
Finally, Paula Deen's least favorite book? Fifty Shades of Black
Hopefully next year will be better but that remains to be seen
I just hope I'm wasted entering 2014
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes and my smile.... (Take a drink).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I think I have track marks from my Netflix and Spotify usage...
The six things I could never do without
- Anthony Wiener's Instagram account
- The lyrics to "Baby Got Back"
- That little bit of excitement that I feel when I get a unexpected profile view
- Listening to the William Tell Overture at full blast while in heavy traffic
- The Christmas parties at the department of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms
- My crippling heroin addiction...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why Will Smith doesn't sum up the movies that he's in with catchy raps anymore

Why people like watching TV shows or movies based on historical events... It's like uh, spoiler alert...

Why a lot of people now-a-days are all like, rah rah rah I have a boyfriend/girlfriend!

rah rah rah I'm having a baby!

rah rah rah I'm getting married!

But you know like... in that order...
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging out with my friend who actually invented the sport of billiards, trademarked the hashtag, and played a major role in the development of the £ symbol at a sketchy dive where they filmed Super Troopers.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've lost about 100 pounds so far and I've noticed certain things about my body that, I kind of knew were things, but I just didn't know I had them.

You know, things like a collar bone, neck lines, an adam's apple, hip bones, ribs, back dimples

a shaft...
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends
You should message me if
You ever want to see your family again...