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24 M Newburgh, NY

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Christianity, and laughing about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Other (Okay), Japanese (Okay)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Well, I suppose you want to know a little about me.

- I wear suits all of the time. Not for any reason, it's just my thing.

- I'm currently the youngest senior level Policy Architect in the world (which would be impressive if there were more than 40-50) and I do communication surveillance for multiple financial firms in Stamford and New York City.

- Most men lie about it, but I have this thing where I'm not an idiot and don't want to meet someone under false pretenses. I really am 6 feet tall exactly. Not 5' 10", not 5' 11". 6 foot on the nose. Though, I am mildly lying with my pictures, I've lost weight since they were taken.

- I've lost a lot of weight (about a hundred pounds so far, no I don't have extra skin) and I've noticed certain things about my body that I kind of knew were things, but I just didn't know I had them.

You know, things like a collar bone, neck lines, an Adam's apple, hip bones

A shaft…
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working an ungodly amount of hours, performing improv and stand-up comedy, writing, acting in, directing, filming, and doing voices for web shows and skits, OkCupid-ing, becoming a local Facebook celebrity.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The Dougie (That's actually not a joke. I wish it was, but it's not) and dancing in general. My moves were more impressive when I was fat…
Accents and Impersonations
Tying ties
Passing off my lack of filter as Tourette's
Second impressions
I can also words pretty good…
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That they're talking to the guy in the $3,000 Suit… Come on!

My sardonic sensibility...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I think I have track marks from my excessive Netflix and Spotify usage...

I watch Jeopardy like most men watch football
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- A nice suit
- Scotch
- 2 Chainz's compulsion to scream his name
- My Adderall prescription
- Anthony Weiner's instagram account
- The lyrics to "Baby got back"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why Will Smith doesn't sum up his movies with catchy raps anymore.
Why people feel the need to use their washer fluid going while going 85 on the highway.
Why the crack-smoking Mayor of Toronto didn't run under the slogan "Re-rock the vote".
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Playing my OkCupid Drinking Game:

Drink every time:
- Someone says "I'm not really good at talking about myself" or some variation thereof in their Self-Summary
- A person's "What I'm doing with my life" contains a mention of their job or their kids
- They consider themselves a good at being a friend, driving, being a mom/dad, or making people laugh
- You see a "Duck Face" profile picture
- You see the word "Soulmate"
- Someone says "I'm unique" or "I'm not like most guys/girls" or some variation thereof
- The most private thing someone admits is that they have an OkCupid
- Their 'You should message me if' is "You want to" or some variation thereof
- They can't live without family, friends, phone, oxygen, water, food, or their car
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm pretty good at writing Roses are red poems. Here's one I think you'll like:

Roses are red Violets are blue
Here's my 2013 year in review
It was an interesting year we sure weren't bored
Poor Leo DiCaprio still hasn't won an academy Award
Disney's bought Star Wars for no apparent reason
We finally saw Arrested Development's fourth season
The Mayor of Toronto smoked crack in a sketchy back ally
As the world mourned Breaking Bad's series finale
John Kerry replaced Hillary as Secretary of State
As Francis took Being the Pope off of Benedict's plate
The Obamacare website release probably could've gone smoother
Ed Snowden revealed the NSA is likely run by Lex Luther
The Supreme court ruled that it's cool to be gay
Which really explains that song "What Does the Fox Say?"
There was an air of royal apathy when Prince George was introduced
Alas we faced the sad fact that Kanye reproduced
We were a little sad to see Mandella give god a high five
The government shutdown was as messy as a Paul Walker Sunday drive
Peter Higgs won a Nobel for his physics article
As Anthony Weiner, once again, showed off his little God Particle
Miley Cyrus twerked on Robin Thicke's sack
Finally, Paula Deen's least favorite book? Fifty Shades of Black
Hopefully next year will be better but that remains to be seen
I just hope I'm wasted entering 2014
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You ever want to see your family again...

But really:

- You use proper grammar. If u tlk lyke dis or If You Feel The Need To Capitalize Every Word In A Sentence, I think you're an imbecile and I blame you for Hitler's rise to power…
- You knew what the word sardonic meant
- You have an interesting story to tell. (Seriously, message me those. People fascinate me)
- You find ways to integrate words you just learned into everyday conversations
- You're into white guys that can sound like Obama