Lately I fell like I’m different types of rock. Sometimes I feel like a sedimentary rock, slowly being eroded and built back up again by everything that life throws my way. Sometimes I feel like the big rocks along the coast, as all the waves come crashing down on me in an unstoppable onslaught. I am always the rock that a young boy can lean on, look to for support when he is tired, and can apparently use for a jungle gym even at the age of six. But mostly I fell a special kinship with the turtle back rock. It’s a very rare and special rock found only in a certain part of the Midwest. Part of that kinship could be because they come from where I do. But I think it’s because on the outside, they are fairly unique looking, with two layers of sandstone forming the tortoise looking shell of the rock. And inside is a very special surprise as well, as the sandstone reveals a very interesting display of beautiful quartz. Wow, that was kinda girly.

There are two things I am certain of after 36 years on this shitty little planet. First, people will randomly crap on you if you give them a roll of toilet paper. Two, and this is the important one, never let your girlfriend shave your junk. I don't care how she goes on about how sexy it is that you trust her so much, or any other such nonsense that she can muster from her imagination. Because the sad truth is that when she dumps you, you're going to have to try and work that action on your own. Otherwise your undercarriage will itch for the rest of your days.
I am fiercely loyal to my friends, and am easygoing to a fault. I have tastes that run odd to most people, with an off color, quirky sense of humor that I was told was vulgar recently. So be it, I’m vulgar. Yay me!

Work, school, raising my son, and audio video production. Do I actually have time to be here?

Pro wrestling video games, making Mac and cheese with hot dogs in it, singing, getting the shower just the right temperature, and getting the cat so riled up she pees when we are playing.

I have been told I have a nice butt in jeans, so I would like to think that was the answer, but if I had to guess I would honestly say my big Steve Tyler lips.

Books are a love of mine. I read lots of books about pro wrestling, high fantasy, autobiography, and for some reason, The Corps by W.E.B. Griffin. Harry Potter is prominent on my bookshelf, as well as Stephen King. They rest comfortably alongside the David Lee Roth book, as well as the Bret Hart autobiography. There are tons of children’s books as well; a copy of The Cat in the Hat Comes Back hat was published in 1965 is a nice companion to Bart Simpson’s guide to life.

As for movies, it’s far easier to say which movies I felt strong enough to actually buy. I own everything by Kevin Smith, all the Harry Potter, a lot of Disney and wrestling, and the two best movies ever made Hot Fuzz and Shawn of the Dead.

Reel Big Fish Less Than Jake, OKGO, Sugarcult, Goldfinger, Cannonball Adderly, They Might Be Giants, Oingo Boingo, Motley Crue, Wrapped in Plastic, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies

Is there any answer to the last one I could give that would not make me sound like a complete bachelor? No? Move along then.

The Boy. The Laptop. The Set Up. The Fish. The End.

My train of though is like a puppy chasing a butterfly. I could try to explain it here, but i would do no good and confuse me more than anybody else, so it is most likely just left to the simmering imagination.

Why isn’t neon an option under the sign section?
What’s the difference between a hamster and a gerbil?
Why can’t my room mate clean the bathroom?
Is ‘cheese food’ the crap they feed cheese?
How much it a professional killer, and do they work on a sliding scale?
Why does the light switch say off and on? If it’s on, you can see it’s on, if it’s off, you can’t see to read.
Why aren't we all naked yet?

Doing homework, DJing a wrestling show, playing XBox with my son, or driking at the crappiest dive bar on the planet. Yea, one of those.

I once ate pudding off a strangers butt.

You're willing to let me eat pudding off your butt? Seriously, just write. Don't be shy, that's my job.