Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My clown car: Awesome gas mileage, and I can weave in and out of
all the other poor bastards stuck in traffic with the greatest of
Stripper pole: It's been with me for a very long time. I've spun
around it so much that it has become a part of me. Also works well
as a weapon for when you need to beat somebody down.
Alcohol: Just to make the day even somewhat bearable, I have to be
reasonably drunk most of the time. I have to drive drunk, dance
drunk, socialize drunk, work drunk, and even type this out
Drugs: I'll do whatever I can get a hold of. Marijuana, cocaine,
heroin, LSD, PCP, whatever. I'll even pop some pills, and down them
with some hard liquor. When I'm driving down the street to a
client's house knowing what bull shit I'm going to be facing when I
get in, I like to be able to go on my own happy fun land trip
there. I don't care about the other vehicles on the road
whatsoever. All that really matters is that I can drift off and
have a fun ride down gum drop lane to candy mountain. Anything to
make living with you people more bearable.
Sex: Sex has to be the most pleasurable thing in life. When you
drink and do as many drugs as I do, the sex becomes that much more
amazing. You're laying there, going at it with your partner, and
you're all of the sudden in a magical forest with flying toasters,
dancing min-vans, and you're getting squeezed by tentacles from the
person you're fucking. Tripping balls makes any sexual encounter
unique and awesome.
Parties: Without parties I would probably be out of a job. When I
show up at a party completely wasted, you know you're in for a good
time. I will do things you couldn't even imagine in your wildest
dreams or darkest nightmares. Just make sure you hide all your pets