Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am a very happy-go-lucky, care free guy who is seething with rage
at the world around him; looking for any way to escape the Hellish
nightmare that is my every day life.
I am a professional stripper clown who is available for both child
and adult parties. Whether you want me to make balloon animals and
do magic for your bachelorette party, or get down, take it off, and
do my sexy dancing for your 8 year old's birthday party; I am the
man for the job. I charge by the hour, so you better be prepared
for when I reach the endless handkerchief during my stripping act.
That shit alone will go on for 2 hours.
I am a very mean, condescending, jaded, nasty, vile, deplorable,
sack of shit. And I do it all with a smile on my face, and a song
in my heart.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Entertaining the masses with my balloon animals and my bulging,
gyrating leather shorts. Currently using some Crayola crayons I
stole from the local elementary school to forge a fake PHD in the
field of my choice.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Balloon animals: I'll make you the best God damned balloon animal
you have ever seen. Doesn't even have to be a balloon; just get me
a condom or latex glove or something.
Hoola-hooping: Many years of gyrating around as a stripper clown
has given me some amazing pelvic muscles. I could gyrate a crank
around that would power all the windmills in Holland for a year.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My awesome afro, squeaky clown shoes, my hot clown body, and, of
course, the massive bulge in my leather shorts.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My clown car: Awesome gas mileage, and I can weave in and out of
all the other poor bastards stuck in traffic with the greatest of
Stripper pole: It's been with me for a very long time. I've spun
around it so much that it has become a part of me. Also works well
as a weapon for when you need to beat somebody down.
Alcohol: Just to make the day even somewhat bearable, I have to be
reasonably drunk most of the time. I have to drive drunk, dance
drunk, socialize drunk, work drunk, and even type this out
Drugs: I'll do whatever I can get a hold of. Marijuana, cocaine,
heroin, LSD, PCP, whatever. I'll even pop some pills, and down them
with some hard liquor. When I'm driving down the street to a
client's house knowing what bull shit I'm going to be facing when I
get in, I like to be able to go on my own happy fun land trip
there. I don't care about the other vehicles on the road
whatsoever. All that really matters is that I can drift off and
have a fun ride down gum drop lane to candy mountain. Anything to
make living with you people more bearable.
Sex: Sex has to be the most pleasurable thing in life. When you
drink and do as many drugs as I do, the sex becomes that much more
amazing. You're laying there, going at it with your partner, and
you're all of the sudden in a magical forest with flying toasters,
dancing min-vans, and you're getting squeezed by tentacles from the
person you're fucking. Tripping balls makes any sexual encounter
unique and awesome.
Parties: Without parties I would probably be out of a job. When I
show up at a party completely wasted, you know you're in for a good
time. I will do things you couldn't even imagine in your wildest
dreams or darkest nightmares. Just make sure you hide all your pets
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a HUGE thing for people squeezing my big red nose. If you
want to get poked in the ass, all you have to do is give it a good
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are looking to have the most memorable night of your life,
which you are most likely going to completely forget the next
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