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34 Durham, NC Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 27-38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
May 20
5' 9" (1.75m)
Body Type
Special Diet
Not at all
Atheism and laughing about it
Post grad
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to burn books properly? A small, secluded fire on the beach is scenic, but – it turns out – slow and unsafe. Using a little, old wood stove? The fire just stutters. The tool for the deed, in case this comes in handy for you, is a hefty barrel stove big enough to sustain the flames and enclosed enough to rein in the flaming pages. A little wood helps things along, too.

Yes, I'm going to leave it mysterious here how I discovered this, but I assure you it was not censorship.

Life is glorious, despite any of my little dissatisfactions, even long-term ones. Sunshine pours through my windows, I get to bike through light mist on cloudy days, and the plants in my garden are happy. And, I live in a town like Durham that's small enough for people I know to appear in unexpected places.

On the more serious side…
I treasure instinctive openness, trust, respect, and joy. I strive to live thoroughly with integrity, and I find that it comes smoothly out of these traits.

I’m looking to connect with someone at a gut emotional level, threaded with emotional, intellectual, and physical vibrancy. When I've been in love, I've treasured those moments (including one lasting a week!) when my experience of that love manifested in a physical sensation of joy pouring out of my chest. Seeking that feeling again is a strange combination of a selfish desire to feel selfless love.

I value direct honesty about difficult things – demonstrating that our connection is worth investing in, that we share enough trust to be vulnerable together. I find that having such emotional intimacy with another person encourages me to confront uncomfortable parts of myself and continue growing in ways I value.

(My holdover three adjectives from the old layout, which OKCupid kindly pasted here: I am inquisitive, self-propelled, and mostly insoluble.)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
In the long term, I want to help avert the most catastrophic effects of climate change for people by helping everyday folks move toward more sustainable energy use. My training is in ecology and biogeochemistry; now I want to talk with people about environmental science in ways that can help them meaningfully apply it to their own decision-making. My new day job has me organizing events and programs about sustainability, environmental toxicology, and environmental justice. Participants in my first event reminded me about how the goals of reaching sustainability and environmental justice are tightly intertwined... and about how meaningful it is to work with committed educators who bring the possibility of carrying what they learn to tremendously more students.

In other news, dancing and related activities have exploded across my life: Contra dancing, calling (teaching) contra dances, learning and teaching aerial dance on fabrics, working on a fusion music editing project for dance... So, last year I took up the cello.

In the spring, my front-yard native plant restoration project pulls me in before I get up the steps to the door. I find that about ten seconds working in the garden bring me solidly into the present moment, especially in seasons that are all about possibility and growth.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Staying up late despite my promise to myself to go to bed early
-Giving warm snuggle-able hugs
-Helping my friends come to clarity about things they’re puzzling through
-Thinking like a scientist
-Staying mostly warm and/or dry on my bicycle in inclement weather
-Cooking lentil stew
-Living without electricity or running water on an occasional basis
-Writing grant proposals
-Dancing as both a lead and a follow. Dancing!
-Decking out my bicycle to be a flashing, glowing paragon of visibility
-Getting the hiccups from eating dry bread. This is obnoxious on my end, trust me.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
-my genuine smile lighting up my face
-my fact-driven, analytical approach
…I've recently had confirmation of the second, at least.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Food: Tart apple pie; fresh fruit bursting with sweet tanginess; carrots from the market; lentil stew; good cheese (although I rarely buy it); homemade granola; Locopops; dark chocolate; ginger; sweet potato fries with rosemary and garlic; something homemade, vegetarian, and yummy.

Music: Hanneke Cassel, Alasdair Fraser, the Peatbog Faeries, and smoking hot grooving contra dance bands. Put fiddle and drums together and I will probably like it. David Francey, Antje Duvekot, Dar Williams, and Argentine tango music. I really should include the song ‘Come On, Eileen’ here, too, for reasons that will be apparent when we meet.

Books: many by Lois McMaster Bujold; The Sparrow; Last Chance to See; Cradle to Cradle. The New York Times, though not a book, is highly satisfying to read in print.

Movies: Galaxy Quest, Strictly Ballroom, Spirited Away, Before the Rain. Movies I like don’t stick in my head well, though. Eddie Izzard’s standup shows, especially Dress to Kill.

Podcasts: Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me; This American Life; Planet Money; RadioLab.

On the TV front, I tend to forget that they exist...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Hugs, dancing, analysis, wilderness vacations, smiling with delight, integrity... and a number of very important things I’m taking for granted right now.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
politics and other news; being mindful of oppression & privilege; preventing the worst of climate change; and being grateful for beautiful days, warm people, dancing, and tasty food.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I’ll be dancing with glee -- probably at the contra dance, once in a while at the blues dance, always with joy. Saturday nights, on the other hand, I often spend quietly at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don’t own a car because if I had one, I’d succumb to temptation and use it. (The bigger ‘because’ has to do with climate change, but that’s not terribly private.)

Also, my initials are E.T. Consequently, my mother gave me "E.T. phone home" shoelaces years and years ago when I went away to college. I still have them.

I want to apologize in advance if I do not write back to you. Using OKCupid has revealed the uncomfortable truth that I can be a terrible correspondent with strangers.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you like playing in the dirt and/or the woods;
-you love dancing, too;
-you’re momentarily overcome when you bite into a ripe sungold tomato (or blueberries or tangy apple pie);
-you think about social or environmental implications of choices you make (or you're otherwise civically involved);
-you see respect and openness as so fundamental that you almost don't remember to identify them in yourself;
-wandering around taking silly photos in unanticipated places would be fun.

It's a large plus if you live in Durham, as my transportation is constrained by my bicycle.