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34 San Francisco, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 4:43am
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Not at all
Graduated from masters program
Open relationship
Doesn’t have kids
English, C++
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm unusual. Rather than trying to seem normal and inoffensive, I'm going to share my oddness with you. If you connect on one of these interests, I'd love to hear from you. Two, and we'll probably be good friends. More than two, and I'll start to think you're me from the future, time traveling in a different body.

I organize hypnosis parties and meetups, at Wicked Grounds and a few other places. Yes, you can look me up on fetlife. More below, in "Thinking about."

I love teaching. I taught martial arts in high school, jewelry making in college, swing dancing for fun between tech jobs, and these days, I teach hacking and security, and separately, hypnosis. I love getting someone to learn a skill they thought was beyond them.

My job has taken me to Melbourne, Singapore and India in the last year. Ask me about learning to haggle in open air markets, and the awesome people who sometimes make the trip up from Australia.

Since 2010, I've run the least-fluffy blog on energy healing you'll ever see. Here's the premise: If you believe that healing can reduce pain signals in nerves -- and I do, along with the NIH and a stack of double-blind, placebo-controlled studies -- why stop there? I want to uncover healing's mechanism, take it apart, and use those parts to build better, more effective techniques. A friend describes me as "scientifically magickal," and my blog,, has roughly zero "love and light," and quite a few case studies. My first book comes out early next year.

(Over your woo quotient? I'm friends with people not into this, and I'm happy to just not bring it up.)

I read about science and evolution and economics for fun, and do workshops with the Center for Applied Rationality, a non-profit dedicated to helping us all make better decisions through cognitive science. I love understanding how the world works -- one of my favorite first dates involved learning the engineering of knitting from susanstohelit, an awesome woman I've been dating since 2012.

I'm non-monogamous / polyamorous. If we wind up dating, I'll want to meet your people, and I'll want you to meet mine.

Professionally, I rob banks.

(That sounds more exciting than security consulting, right?)

For hobbies, I go swing dancing most weekends, (west coast swing, for those who know), and indoor rock climbing.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Honest communication. Because there are two types of honesty: Saying what's on your mind in the moment, and figuring out how to express yourself so that your listener will respond to your ideas and intent, rather than reacting to what your words remind them of. And, while no one can achieve that second type of honesty 100%, it's always on my mind and something I'm striving for.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Best news story of 2012: The asteroid mining company. Actual for-profit company, harvests water (for rocket fuel) and rare earth metals (for electronics, batteries, etc).

Favorite blog I found last year: The LessWrong wiki and their rationalist fanfic, "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality." The group's retreat was pretty cool, too. If you're a rationalist, we'll probably get along.

Other reading: Blogs and books about new ideas. Ask me about permission marketing, how cooking influenced human evolution, or effective counterinsurgency techniques. Also, XKCD is hilarious.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Nothing, really. I'd miss my laptop, and a comfy bed is worth having, but I don't get too attached to stuff. Each time I move, I take less and less with me, and I'm happier for it.

And to those of you who list air and water: Where would you be without the strong nuclear force? Dissociated protons and neutrons, that's where.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
There's no spot for "Tell me about erotic hypnosis," so I'll just put it here.

Hypnosis is about trance states. We go in and out of trance all the time -- if you've ever lost yourself in a book or a movie, or melted into a massage table, those are trance states. Most people enjoy simply being in trance -- often, I'll hypnotize a friend for the first time, then say, "On the count of three, you'll wake up," and they complain, "Leave me in trance, I like it here."

Once in trance, the subject's unconscious can create sensations or experiences it thinks would be fun. It's a way to get deeper into fantasies, and to experience things that would be unsafe or impractical in real life.

I enjoy being both hypnotist and subject, and I organize hypnosis munches and parties. Not a requirement -- one of my current partners isn't into it, and she's still awesome -- but a plus.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Party at Mission Control, strategy games at the taqueria, or a quiet evening writing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm sapiosexual -- turned on by intelligence. Not, "I prefer intelligent people," but rather, "When you show off your big vocabulary, I want to jump you."
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're poly, great at communication, brilliant, geeky, and otherwise awesome.

Not sure what to write? Tell me about something you did recently that you loved.