While I can be very self-focused and an am exceptionally contemplative and self-reflexive person, I tend to put another far, far ahead of myself in a relationship to the point of fault. If I am not actively mindful to prevent it, I will neglect my own needs to serve someone else to an infinite degree. I have compromised myself so deeply in doing this before that it almost brought my own destruction. Why do I do this? It may be that I made a habit from when I was very young of believing I did not have the limits in various skills and abilities that many others did. I also chose to follow masculine ideals much more than feminine ones from the time when I was a child. It pleases me deeply to be able to fight for and protect and care for another. Prominent traits in my life have been these: logic; ambition; drive for excellence in whatever I wished to accomplish; the value of camaraderie, the joy of testing physical strength, intelligence, and wit; the love of academia, scholarship, observation, and the natural world. I've felt handicapped often in the company of other women because we found each other to be mutually unlike. With a few very rare exceptions, I have always gotten along more easily with men than women, and I like that about me.
I have had dreadful misfortune with dating, though if I date you, I promise I will treat you exceptionally well. I will treat you like treasure. I've had very good reviews. I often hear "no one has ever treated me better than you." I love fully when I do, and I do not fall in love often. I will go to amazing lengths to show my devotion---not to prove my devotion, but rather to display it for its own sake because it is there. When I love, I will fight to the death and to the ends of the earth for that person. The counterweight of my deeply stoical and intellectual character is a tremendous amount of passion. I feel things very deeply and truly. I might feel things more deeply than most people do, and that has caused some to accuse me of melodrama even though my expressions were genuine. My degree of passion can be intimidating.
Regarding what I seek (for myself and also in a potential date), my bar is high because I seek epicness. I've come painfully close to being mutually in love only once, but I have always, always been unrequited. Mine is the blue rose: the rare desert rose of unrequited love.
I'm an intellectual, a nerd, and a blade-wielding badass on a quest for my one true love. I'm also a hopeless romantic who is fiercely loyal and who will fight like hell for you or beside you on the field of honor. I believe that being female is no excuse not to be chivalrous and honorable at all times. It is also no excuse not to woo one's love. When I love, I love intensely and that intensity can be overwhelming to people who don't relate to my level of passion. I dream of how much my soulmate will be the inspiring muse behind many of my creative works. I'm a textbook Pre-Raphaelite beauty who has often felt like she was born in the wrong era, who is an old soul, and who usually feels most at home among men who have ideals of honor, valor, and camaraderie.
Don't judge me by my age. Truth be told, you should subtract about 4 or 5 years because: 1) that is how long I spent in a period which I was dead and not free to be me. It is really like I didn't exist for those years, and I hate that fact. 2) Based on looks, people always guess I am 4-6 years younger than I really am, so that works out!