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29 Saint Augustine, FL Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 22-36
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Nov 15
Middle Eastern, Native American, White
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 7" (1.70m)
Body Type
Atheism and laughing about it
High school
Has kid(s) and might want more
Has dogs and Has cats
English (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
If you really want to know about me, you should check out my Tumblr. I'm freckleface007 on there.

I have a boyfriend, steamviolets. My boyfriend has a wife, ashleve1084, who is also my girlfriend. We all love each other and hang out and stuff. The chances of hanging out with me are slim to none. I'm very busy. If this doesn't deter you from messaging me, READ ON and I'm sure that something else I say will.

I should warn you that this is a jumbled mess and that it is random and makes me sound crazy. If you're one of those people that takes everything you read in a persons profile seriously, you might just want to move along. This profile probably makes me seem much crazier than I actually am. Not that I'm not scrumptiously whacky. You've been warned. I'm not even saying that the things here aren't true, because they are. I guess I just don't take this shit too seriously, and I don't think you should either. If you're still reading this, CARRY ON.

I like faces. I don't like cold fruit.

Firefighters make me drool.

I'm bad with rules.

I used to have the rejection hotline numbers here but some dick told me they would delete my profile if I kept it.

I've been accused of thinking like a man.

Please don't IM me unless I've talked to you before. It's awkward, and mostly annoying.

Kristiane is looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

Aside from being a bossy brat, I am scatterbrained and sometimes very stubborn. I have a volatile temper. I am untrusting. I am skeptical. I don't believe you. I use profane language and if that bothers you, please fuck yourself. <3 I am wiser than my years, in ways. Other times I act like a child. I like to run screaming into the freezing cold ocean water. I like to go so far that I can't reach. I like to ride my bike. I enjoy baking dick shaped things for the hell of it. I love to make people laugh. I really get a kick out of it. I enjoy laughing at myself. I'm over protective of those who I love. I WILL THROW DOWN! I like to go to the park and play on the swings.

I'm a dog person. Cats are cute from far away, or when they belong to someone else, but dogs are superior.

I like butts. A lot.


I am a cheeky, butt pirate, and I'm behind you.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Playing with your mom's funbags.

Taking walks with my dogs. Spending time with my family. Thinking about things. Throwing tantrums.

Going to the beach.

Getting tattoos! So many! Put em all over mah body!

Discovering something new every day, such as toothpaste. Making friends out of clay. Falling in love. Getting to know old friends all over again.

Meeting awesome family members I've never met in my life.

Going to Amusement/Theme Parks. Riding roller coasters! Riding mothers!

Making sexy time with myself. This is known as Einstein's Theory of Repeatability.

Watching a lot of Netflix
Spending eternity on my computer.

Moving to Michigan so I can spend my life cuddling with Laurdi. She is super duper awesome!

Lately I've been going to a lot of shows. Mostly hardcore shows. It's fucking rad.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I am really good at sneezing with my eyes open, and licking my elbow. Buttsecks, and holding mouthwash overnight.

Ball ticklin'.

Being enthusiastic.

I'm really wonderful at baking delicious things that I have no interest in eating. I'm phenomenal at making people laugh without even trying. I'm great at attracting fucking creepers. UGH. OH! I'm awesome at cake decorating! YEAH BITCH!

I'm really great at being cute too, in case you haven't noticed. Also, I'm really great at being modest. One of these statements is not true.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Besides the fact that I am easygoing and incredibly goofy? If you
know me, you know the answer to this question and why it is the
bane of my existence. meh.

The Tall guy standing next to me.

She's also very easy to talk to and has freckles! <~

the voice box is paris hiltons

I'm very friendly. Maybe too friendly. I've been told I'm loud too.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have been known to read the shampoo bottle. I love to read. I like encyclopedias.

As for movies, nothing tops Pans Labyrinth. I like Comic book
movies. I adore scary movies. I love zombies. I like movies that
totally fuck with your head. Totally loved Hobo With a Shotgun, Revenge of the Nerds, Weird Science, Being John Malkovich.

With music I am not picky. I'm one of those dumb asses that still buys CDs. If you hop into my car, the floor is full of CDs. If you look at my computer it is full of music. Music has always been very important to me. It can modify my mood drastically. I happen to listen to Metal, Punk, any Rock, Broadway musicals, Old school rap, Jazz, 50's, 60's, 70's, Opera, Motown, Classical, a very limited amount of country, folk, blues, etc. I guess I like a lot of Indie bands, but really, who doesn't? If I'm listening to Sirius my favorite stations are Alt Nation, Lithium, Octane, and then the hits station.

The Avett Brothers, Bright Eyes, Vampire Weekend, Minus the bear, And So I Watch You From Afar, Dead Mans Bones, The animals, The zombies, Wilco, Arcade Fire, The Killers, Bear Vs. Shark, Jukebox the ghost, Them Crooked Vultures, The Roots, Ryan Adams, The Cars, The Cure, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, Queen, The Pixies, Muse, Guster, Foxy Shazam, Bloc Party, The Smiths, Foo Fighters, Kings Of Leon, Girl Talk, Elbow, Daft Punk, Bloc Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Slash, Metallica, MGMT, Incubus, Queens of the Stone Age, Bob Marley, Arctic Monkeys, Against Me!, The Foo Fighters, Portishead, The Features, Manchester Orchestra, Clutch, Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Eyes of Fire, Fleet
Foxes, Otis Redding, Passion Pit, Foster The People, Fences, Blink 182, Adele, AXIS, Deathbed, Band of Horses, Mr. Gnome,

The powers that be heeded my grievances and finally added the television option to this section. I used to hate the TV but then I found Arrested Development. I am currently in love with the following shows:Dr. Who, Game of Thrones, New Girl, It's always sunny in Philadelphia, True Blood, How I met your mother, the big bang theory, Curb your enthusiasm, Entourage, Burn Notice, Spartacus Blood and Sand, Glee, and the Bad Girls Club. Don't you fucking judge me! I'm sure there are more but I forget a lot.

I love pickles. I like beer. Not fruity girly beers either. I like
my beer dark. Flavorful. Also Gin. So much Gin. Put it in my mouth. It's instant Christmas. And Whiskey.

It's like we finish each others....sandwiches?


Pop pop horny, Michael.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Tall men with beards and tattoos to look at, My dogs, My family and
friends, Starbucks, Chap stick, and Dresses.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Cookies. Who exactly invented the chocolate chip? Why are they so delicious? Why must people insist on dunking them in milk. Why not orange juice? Or iced tea? Or hot tea? Perhaps even coffee. This is getting too complex... Nirchi's, Rossi's

Men, like infants, love to suck on titties. Would you agree?

You ever think about all of the things that your tongue naturally does while you're drinking something, or HEAVENS! eating something?

sup wid chew?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Probably getting beat up by old people. If I'm not, I'm probably at home playing Dokapon Kingdom or Dungeons and Dragons.

Or Cuddling.

Or I'm sleeping. Or I'm not (Bow chika wow wow).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
1. I have an obsessive mind. Once something is on/in my mind, it won't leave until I either get what it is that I wanted or, I fix whatever problem it is. I used to stay up nights because I couldn't get my brain to stop working.

2. I fell out of a window when I was 3. Second story. Landed on my face, in sharp pebbles, and laughed. Does that say a lot about me?

3. I used to skateboard. UNTIL I skated down a humongous hill with my little brother on the board, had to save him, reached under the board, got my finger stuck on the wheel and ripped out the nail and all of the nerves behind it? He was two, I was ten. Now he skateboards and hes way better than I ever was.

4. My dog pooped on my leg.

5. I probably like my dogs more than I like most people. Actually, though I'm friendly, and polite I pretty much hate most people.

6. I like myself. I'm far from perfect, but I love that about me. I'm human.

7. I'm not ugly, I'm not hot. I am fairly attractive, and whatever I lack in the looks department I more than make up for with my personality.

8. I don't bullshit. You can count on me to be honest with you. If that makes you uncomfortable, go elsewhere cuz I'm not going to be changing any time soon.

9. I don't bang my head like normal people. I shake it from side to side. It's more fun. Especially if your hair is down.

10. I still call my mom "Mommy".

11. I hate sleeping with socks on

[2:28:06 am]TAKEN07:you always wake up with one barely on

[2:28:16 am]TAKEN07:and the other stolen by the sock trolls

N to the power of 8 is A.

Also I love nerds. And Gingers.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to talk about your mom.

Please please PLEASE message me if foot long hot dogs make you uncomfortable.

I don't care.

DON'T MESSAGE me if you have anything negative to say about Pit Bulls. My dogs may not bite but I do. Bitch.

Do not message me if you are a scumbag backyard breeder. It angers me, to know that you even exist.

Also, don't message me if you're some sort of freak who has sex with their pets. YES. I have gotten one of these messages.

Do not message me to say something to the effect of "Nice tits, can I see them, wanna fuck?" Or any other variation of that because no I don't want to show you, and I definitely don't want to fuck some retard who is dumb enough to say that. You CAN fuck yourself though.

And LASTLY! Don't. Just don't.

you tell me do things i done running.