Ahh, the self-summary. A place to let you, prospective female acquaintance, get an overview of what I'm all about. A place to give you a glimpse of what kind of potential boyfriend/lover/stalker I'll be. A place...to lie my ass off, if I'm smart. Seriously, who tells the whole truth here? "Yeah, I'm totally going to try to bang your sister/best friend." Or "I enjoy telling you to shut up while I'm watching TV." You never see that in these things. Wouldn't it be great, though?

Anyway, on with the lies. I'd say I consider myself to be funny, but that's a lie! I happen to think I'm a comedic genius. My comedy tends to manifest itself in the form of wildly inappropriate comments that make me cackle maniacally. (Admit it, you love a guy that cackles.) I once heard that sarcasm is the grumpy man's wit. That is so, so true. Federal law requires that, as a guy, I like sports. Since I'm too pretty to go to jail, I try not to run afoul of the statutes. I love to read, although I don't do it as much as I should. I've called out sick from work to finish a book more than once. I'm politically opinionated, although not to the point that it prevents me from spending time with someone whose views are different than mine. I'm an atheist. To take your mind off that, I'm fascinated by serial killers. Yup.

I just realized that although I can answer a ton of OKC's questions, there's no spot for spelling out what I'm looking for. So, briefly, here goes: I like girlie-girls. If I wanted to date "one of the guys" I'd be gay. You, too, must enjoy laughing and reading. Seeing as how you're a girlie-girl I don't require that you like sports, only that you be kind enough to occasionally watch a game with me. You are aware of national and world events. You're not at all taken aback when I tell you what you are. (See? That was funny.) You vote. You can compose an e-mail or text message without getting all "ur", "lol", or "2" on me. You're a bunch of other things, too. Far too many to put here.

To quote Peter Griffin: "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have...my opening statement."

Living it. Not much choice there. Except suicide. I suppose that could be a choice.

Laughing. Being paranoid and cynical. (Job requirement.) Ordering Chinese food.

I don't know. I don't carry a survey around with me.

These days I'm mostly into political books, but I'll pick up something else if it catches my eye. Favorites? 'Legacy of Ashes: The History of the CIA,' 'Body of Secrets: Anatomy of the Ultra-Secret National Security Agency,' several Stephen King books, 'Casino' (love the movie, too), and many others that I can't think of right now.

I don't normally go to the movies, I'll catch it on DVD. Catching a movie on a date is one thing, it's just not something I up and decide to do. I prefer comedies, but it's whatever. Some of favorites are 'Airplane!', 'Blazing Saddles,' 'Full Metal Jacket,' 'Snatch,' 'Seven,' and I love me a good documentary.

My favorite kinds of music are old school hip hop (defined as "when you actually had to be able to rhyme"), intelligent rap from people you've probably never heard of, 80's music, and oldies.

I'd be lying if I said I was adventurous when it comes to food. I'm very meat-and-potatoes. Notice I didn't say meat-vegetables-and-potatoes. Everybody has flaws, right? I also like most pasta dishes that traffic in a combination of cheese, meat, and tomato sauce. Love pizza. If the people who make Pepcid AC ever go out of business I will throw myself out the window, because I'm not smart enough to stay away from foods that give me heartburn.

Laughter, baseball, meat, pasta, and two items to fill out a list.

Stuff...and things. Ooh, and junk. Stuff, things, and junk.

Playing poker or kicking back on the couch. Does that make me a loser? It does, doesn't it? Dang it.

Sorry; you've got to pay to play, sweetheart.

Any of this intrigues, arouses, or tittilates you. Or you laughed. Or smiled, even sympathetically.